Husband on the war path again. Wants me to pay but I have no money

[ByZanyLion]

A close friends daughter was visiting my house for a play date with my daughter. The two girls are in the same class and a very good friends.

During the play date the girl scribbled on the wall and a few other places with a permanent marker. I only found out about this after she had gone home. The girls are both 9 and this has never happened before. DH has lost his ; he wants to confront the mother. I told him that I’ll deal with it but he isn’t happy. He doesn’t want her in our house again, nor her mother.

She scribbled on two things of his, which is what he is mostly angry about. I told him, I’ll replace the items, because my friend won’t have the money, as she is going through a fair tough situation herself, and I don’t want to add to her burden. DH isn’t sympathetic to her plight. He has basically said that either she needs to pay or I need to pay using my own money, and not our family money. However, I don’t work and don’t have another source of income.

I am slightly taken aback by his insistence I need to use my own money. FYI Its only £60 to replace the items.

She made it their business when she posted a thread asking their opinions on a matter to which that information is pertinent.

Wow people are really angry.
@ByZanyLion I asked earlier if the mum was a bully too and perhaps you might be a little more inclined to just pay the full amount instead of asking her to contribute.
But you’ve got CCTV proof of that little devil doing her handiwork.
The only fair thing would be to gather yourself up and to tell her what happened and explain the considerable damage and ask for half.
Her response will tell you all you need to know.
Once, when I was 5, my dad caught the neighbour girl and me smoking cigarettes out in the shed by the mower and the petrol cans.
He laughed and shooed us out of there and didn’t even tell our mothers - because we were 5.
By the time we were 9, we had different friends and were heading in different directions.
We’re still friends, and I’m so proud of the woman she’s become and the ditch she dug herself out of. But I didn’t let her take me down with her - because my parents watched out for me.
That’s what parents do. That’s what YOU need to do for your daughter.
Don’t let this girl drag your daughter into the ditch she’s digging for herself. ❤️

She's a kid that drew on a wall.

The whole issue is that they are not very good friends. They are being forced together by the mothers.

What has your friend said about it all? Have you told her what her Daughter has done & mentioned you have the camera footage to show her if she's doubting it? Really she should be offering to replace or repair the damage her Daughter has caused. Let her know it's causing friction between you & DH & ask her what she thinks the best solution is. Put it on her as it's down to her to rectify it.

Have you tried hairspray? Works like magic with biro on fabrics.

So, a child, not yours or your husbands child, ruined items in your house by scribbling on them. This is after said child made your child cry by being mean.

But it's your husband in the wrong?

Tell the girls parents, I agree with your dh. Nobody other than her parents should pay.

If someone walked past and smashed my dh car window, I wouldn't be having a row with him. It would be the smasher paying for it.

So useful - I didn't know that.

Hairspray might get this out. Sorry I have just seen someone else has suggested this too.

Useful information but what the hell is in hairspray?

I don’t think the real issue here is the drawing but the fact that you’re so financially dependent on him that you don’t have £60!

Absolutely not a criticism on you OP, I’ve been there and it’s not a situation I’d wish on anyone or ever put myself in again, he sounds abusive at best, he isn’t being rational!

9 years old is too old to be drawing on things and especially in another’s home, definitely raise it with your friend, I’d hope she’d be mortified and offer some sort of apology at least.

In the mean time, hairspray or nail polish remover should take away the marker from his beloved items!

take care ❤️

Can I just say the cleaning tips on this thread are game changing

I've bookmarked it for them !

Someone is obviously divorced and I can see why!

Your kid is absolutely going to say it was the other girl who did it. How did they get a permanent marker and we also need to know what the items are, this is so vague. You can't just say to your friend that her daughter did it because you don't know for sure that it was or that your daughter didn't give her the pen. After all that is established I'd then not ask her to pay I'd tell her my husband is pretty angry at the girls because both should know better and that you're going to have to replace them for him. Her guilt should then make her suggest it could have been her girl and see what she does then.

@WorkItUpYourBangle If you read the OP updates you’ll see she stated it was caught on camera.

We have CCTV looking into the hall way / ground door and saw her in action

Only £60 is a lot when you earn nothing. Get a job. The 'magical money ' she should use is money she would earn from a job.

I completely agree with you. I've since read they even have cctv of it happening so absolutely I'd be wanting the parent to pay. If it were MY child I'd be making THEM pay out of their pocket money and if they didn't have enough saved up then they'd be doing chores for the other parent or me (in place of pocket money) until they paid it off. They'd also be apologising, in person. Kids will be kids and do silly things. They're only little and they're learning but it's VITAL that they learn properly. They need the embarrassment of having to apologise. They need the consequence of their own money being used or having to do chores to pay for their destructive behaviour. Not to mention that I'd be mortified that my child had done something like that when I'd trusted them to play nicely in someone else's home.
The way kids are raised today is a joke. Nothing is ever the parents responsibility to fix when the kids are misbehaved. People always ask how my kids are so well mannered and well behaved. We don't smack, we don't even get cross. We just give the correct consequence and make the mistake a learning experience. We all mess up as kids, it's all about how it's handled and I'm sure if parents all took this approach then things would be a lot different.

lol, I knew there’d be a few “leave the bastard” posts, MN is so predictable.

As to the original post - 9 is really old to be doing this kind of thing. If you have evidence get the other mother to pay half, and tell DH the child will never come over again

I did if you'd read my second message but I'm also on mobile and there's 30 pages on this thread. On mobile you have to go through every single page to see everything, can't just read updates. It's really annoying.

Well I posted before your second message so I wouldn’t have been able to read it, before I replied! 😄

glad you’ve managed to read all the updates now! That does sound annoying about not being able to filter for OP updates on your device/app.

You can in the web browser version rather than the app

If you have 3kids and dh has 3 he is funding 6 kids,unless:

• he's not got 50 50 yet is not paying cms for his (why??)
• you've got other funding (UC? Cms?)

I'd be annoyed if i were him. A 5 year old knows better than to draw on walls let alone a 9 year old

Sorry if I sounded blunt there. I didn't mean to.

That's what I'm using but there's no option to read updates 😕

Oh it always works for me. If I am on a message from the op in the bottom right it says see all and brings up just their messages