Husband on the war path again. Wants me to pay but I have no money

[ByZanyLion]

A close friends daughter was visiting my house for a play date with my daughter. The two girls are in the same class and a very good friends.

During the play date the girl scribbled on the wall and a few other places with a permanent marker. I only found out about this after she had gone home. The girls are both 9 and this has never happened before. DH has lost his ; he wants to confront the mother. I told him that I’ll deal with it but he isn’t happy. He doesn’t want her in our house again, nor her mother.

She scribbled on two things of his, which is what he is mostly angry about. I told him, I’ll replace the items, because my friend won’t have the money, as she is going through a fair tough situation herself, and I don’t want to add to her burden. DH isn’t sympathetic to her plight. He has basically said that either she needs to pay or I need to pay using my own money, and not our family money. However, I don’t work and don’t have another source of income.

I am slightly taken aback by his insistence I need to use my own money. FYI Its only £60 to replace the items.

I think a lot of people are getting distracted by the detail and their own prejudices.

IMO this illustrates the downside of having a "family pot" for finances. This only works if both parents are in agreement about how it should be spent.

In this case OP thinks the family pot shoud be used to pay for the damage. DH disagrees, but she has no money that is not in the pot to pay for it herself.

Exactly the same would work in reverse. If DH wanted to spend family money on something and OP disagreed, he would also have no money that was not in the pot.
If DH wanted to spend family money on something that OP disagreed with, and he went ahead anyway regardless, he would be being called a lot of choice names on here.

I suggest OP and DH need to reconsider their financial approach - allocate some money out the budget (equal for both of them) for them to spend on what they want and the family money is no longer used for personal items. OP can then pay to replace the damaged items out of her own money. Or, equally, if she realises this will mean she has less money to do other things, she might decide that she's not so keen on doing it.

Yes that too!

Urm the op has been using various other logins throughout the thread. Her IP adress indicates. Can mumsnet step in. I also think the op is abusing her partner this should be flagged.

It's not really any of our business (why she doesn't work. etc)

Genuine question @BeCleverViewer, how can you tell?

I made no assumptions- I posited explanations & criticised others for making assumptions, which you are also, ironically, doing

The remaining points you made are nonsense afaic and I cba to engage any further 👍🏽

Why are you posting on this again when you said you weren’t going to engage and told me to get a life?

I didn’t say she was - I posited several examples of reasons why she’s not working. There are several more I didn’t post. I’m are she has 3 kids from a previous relationship, as does he, who live with his ex. My reading comprehension skills are high. I can give tips if you want?

Again…. You said you weren’t going to engage anymore?

How do you know that? Also a genuine question

Because my original post disappeared obvs

Still there hun - just added a screenshot of it

Again my original reply disappeared, so I didn’t know I had replied to you before - there are quite a few posts on this thread

Thanks for proving my point tho 👍🏽

Not sure what point I have proved. I never meant to come across as anything. If anyone has been rude, it’s been you with the unnecessary name calling and telling me to ‘get a life’ you said you didn’t want to engage anymore so I respected that and then you came at it again which I found weird.

anyway enjoy your day!

I would be so mad... What 9 year old draws on something in another persons house that isn't meant to be drawn on ... That's ABIT strange, I have 5 and 6 year old and even they don't draw on the walls, they know better

9 years and and still scribbling on stuff, I'd be more worried about that tbh. The husband is right to be honest but for the sake of £60 I would just say the child is no longer invited or the mother pays half as his daughter is responsible also so you and he have to take a hit on that, but I can guarantee you that's what would be happening.

I agree with most of what you said, except that his daughter wasn't involved at all. It was his stepdaughter and her friend.

He might give her an 'allowance', although if that's the case she should get a job and be a bit more financially independent.

I'll be honest, I can't stand to have my best friends kids in my house cause they're so disrespectful, she knows this too and we work out friendship around our kids being in school, I see his pov clearly

Save your effort - the OP nas not been back in 2 days as everyone with even a small percentage of intelligence has told her she is wrong.
Another person who posts looking for support and when thyt discover no-one agrees with them they disappear in a puff of smoke - poof!

I voted YABU as although your friend is going through a tough time you’ve now put yourself in an awful position because your husband sounds so mean BUT you need to talk to the girls Mum - I would 100% want to know if my child had damaged property in such a way - you’re not helping her at all by keeping quiet and if your DH won’t have her over again it’s awkward not to explain what happened. I don’t care how skint I was, if my child did that I would want to know and I would want to make it right. You’re being unfair by not telling her. £60 is a lot of money for you too as you don’t have an income either and your husband quite rightly wants to involve the parent(s). My husband isn’t financially abusive but he wouldn’t pay either unless our children had done it.

@PiggyPokkyFool yes that's exactly what's happening. The OP now realises how bonkers the situation is and won't come back to the thread. Hey-ho.

Well no, it's not, but the answers would be different if she didn't work because she was a sahm to his children or a full time carer for his parents vs she can't be bothered to work.

Single I take it?