Husband on the war path again. Wants me to pay but I have no money

[ByZanyLion]

A close friends daughter was visiting my house for a play date with my daughter. The two girls are in the same class and a very good friends.

During the play date the girl scribbled on the wall and a few other places with a permanent marker. I only found out about this after she had gone home. The girls are both 9 and this has never happened before. DH has lost his ; he wants to confront the mother. I told him that I’ll deal with it but he isn’t happy. He doesn’t want her in our house again, nor her mother.

She scribbled on two things of his, which is what he is mostly angry about. I told him, I’ll replace the items, because my friend won’t have the money, as she is going through a fair tough situation herself, and I don’t want to add to her burden. DH isn’t sympathetic to her plight. He has basically said that either she needs to pay or I need to pay using my own money, and not our family money. However, I don’t work and don’t have another source of income.

I am slightly taken aback by his insistence I need to use my own money. FYI Its only £60 to replace the items.

What did she scribble on?

Permanent marker can be removed with nail polish remover. Walls can be touched up with paint.
Next time, you and friend need to supervise the kids better.

I can understand him being pissed off. They are 9 so should know better. To be honest I would be telling the mother and at least splitting the cost.

But it does also highlight the issue of letting yourself be financially dependant on someone else

We have tired nail polish remover.

The pen thing is annoying for sure and nine year olds should know better.

But he sounds financially abusive.

What are the items made of?

At 9 the girl really should know better. I think you should reach out to the girls mother to pay for the items

It’s a bit rich saying that you will pay to replace them when it’s out of the family’s money anyway!

9 year olds scribbling on stuff? Maybe more supervision is required.

if you husband responds like this then you really need a job. Doesn’t sound secure for you at all.

I don’t think your dh is unreasonable in expecting the parent to pay.

I think the other parent should pay. If my child has done this at someone else’s house, I would want to know and would immediately offer to pay.

Your dh is being a dick for insisting you pay though.

Are you sure it was just the other girl and not your own child too?

Well he sounds like a total dick. Honestly leave him. How fucking patronising telling you to use your own money when he knows you have no income. Lovely way to make his wife feel like total shit and exert his financial control. Fuck that honestly. You can get his money in the divorce. Take half his pension too. Dick.

I’m sorry but I would absolutely say something to the mother and expect her to replace the items. This isn’t a toddler we are talking about. This is a 9 year old! A 9 year old well enough knows not to scribble on someone else’s belongings in permanent marker. Unless it’s a matter of a misunderstanding, the girls thought they were allowed to draw in a book and the permanent marker was mixed in with the washable ones you gave them permission to use, I wouldn’t be keen to have the child back either.

You could try very strong rubbing alcohol

Your husband sounds horrid. Wanting to ‘confront’ the mother? That’s so aggressive.

A 9 year old writing on walls. And other items?
.'d be pissed off too.

Yes you need to speak to her mother.

I don't blame your husband for being annoyed about it.

He sounds awful.
but the girls are old enough to know better. I’d be holding your daughter partly accountable. Is she being expected to contribute?
If you’re able to work, I think you’d be wise to find some work and independent income.

He sounds horrible, he has every right to be annoyed as 9 is way too old for this rubbish, but his reaction is OTT. What has your friend said about it?

I think your DH is right to be pissed off and to want his stuff replacing.

However, why don't you have access to any money of your own?

How do you now it wasn’t actually your kid, or both of them?

Oh for goodness sake!

She doesn’t work. What magical money should she use?

Honestly, he sounds massively frustrated at the disrespect this young girl has shown to him and his home/possessions, and he’s frustrated at your dismissal of his feelings/financial loss.

You don’t want to cause a fuss with your friends, but he’s the person who’s lost out.

These things happen .. it’s an inconvenience - but why fly off the handle? I do worry about these people who can’t control thier temper, when a minor annoyance happens - what happens when something actually big hits them ?

The high alcohol antibac handgels work really well at taking permanent marker off things, someone on here suggested it to me. Works well on hard surfaces.

I’d be pissed off if I was your husband too.