Husband on the war path again. Wants me to pay but I have no money

[ByZanyLion]

A close friends daughter was visiting my house for a play date with my daughter. The two girls are in the same class and a very good friends.

During the play date the girl scribbled on the wall and a few other places with a permanent marker. I only found out about this after she had gone home. The girls are both 9 and this has never happened before. DH has lost his ; he wants to confront the mother. I told him that I’ll deal with it but he isn’t happy. He doesn’t want her in our house again, nor her mother.

She scribbled on two things of his, which is what he is mostly angry about. I told him, I’ll replace the items, because my friend won’t have the money, as she is going through a fair tough situation herself, and I don’t want to add to her burden. DH isn’t sympathetic to her plight. He has basically said that either she needs to pay or I need to pay using my own money, and not our family money. However, I don’t work and don’t have another source of income.

I am slightly taken aback by his insistence I need to use my own money. FYI Its only £60 to replace the items.

You should tell your friend OP. Her child is damaging other people’s possessions. She needs to know.

I don’t blame your DH for being annoyed.

I’d be pissed off if I was your husband too

Why? Kids cause damage - yes 9 year olds should know better - not shit happens!

No one died!

Id get an evening job so you at least have some money for yourself regardless of his income and he can look after the kids.

Reap what you sow.

Your husband is absolutely right.
Speak to the 9 year old's mother and she will have to sort it out.
If the children were 4 my reply would be different.

Are you 190% sure it wasn't your daughter as well?

Well, that's what I'm asking.

Why doesn't she have access to her own money? Not working shouldn't mean she has nothing of her own - that's financial abuse.

I don't actually blame your husband for being annoyed.

And why should he be financially penalised when you could ask your friend, who's child was responsible and old enough to know better but you are refusing to?

Your thread title alarms me - on the war path again - does he have form for losing his temper like this?

If the pen has damaged things I can understand he’s annoyed, but it sounds like it’s a common occurrence for him to get angry.

So let me get this straight

He wants you to pay to replace the items, not out of family money but out of money you don’t currently earn?

Tell us more about this man, because so far he sounds abusive.

He is basically saying I shouldn’t be using family money to pay for my friend.

Money has become a very contentious issues
in our marriage.

They're 9! I don't need to follow my 6 year old around when she has a playdate

Why is a 9 year old scribbling on walls and personal items? I wouldn’t have her back round either and would say something to their mum too.

Have you thought about going back to work to ensure you have the means to leave him if necessary? Also it sounds like he may not be on board with you being a SAHM?

Have you got a Magic Eraser? (Lakeland sell them, can be good for marks)

I'd talk to the mother myself and have both kids apologise and explain themselves. 9 is too old to be acting like 2 year olds and scribbling of things that don't belong to them.
Then the Mom needs to go halves to replace the items.

Acne cream with peroxide took pen off my daughters dolls when she was little. Leave it on in direct sunlight. Depends what it is.Your husbands reaction sounds extreme though.Children break things, mess up, are bad behaved and it's not ideal but you don't lose it.Is he usually so angry?

His stuff got damaged on your watch, of course its fair to expect you to cough up.

Whether you foot the bill yourself, take it from DDs savings or ask the other parent is up to you.

But I think you're absolutely taking the piss to say you don't want to ask the other mum due to her lack if money when you have no money and expect your husband to foot the bill. That's why he's pissed off.

If money is a contentious issue, it's in your best interests to get a job. Either that or divorce him.

Nice

why should he have to pay? The mother of the girl that ruined his belongings needs to pay

If OP doesn't want to ask her, then that's on her

I'm team DH

And it's "only" £60 that you don't have.

It was across several places in the house, walls, radiators, clothes. He is on the war path because last time she was here, she told my daughter that she wasn’t her friend and my daughter burst into tears. I’ve put this down to kids being kids but he thinks she is a nasty bully, showing her true colours. He basically dislikes her.

I wouldn’t expect this of a nine-year old.
Surgical spirit? Eye makeup remover?

I told him, I’ll replace the items, because my friend won’t have the money...

Neither do you and whilst he may be behaving like a bit of a dick I'd be pissed off too if you said you'd replace the items knowing that you did not have the money to do so. Offering yo replace them makes it sound like an action which mitigates all expense and inconvenience for him and that simply isn't the case.

FYI Its only £60 to replace the items

TBH it doesn't sound like you value money you haven't earned so find it easy to spend it casually, it's only£60 isn't a great attitude.

Things happen and he's annoyed at the moment. Let the dust settle and try to discuss it when he's calmed down.

Sticky stuff remover can remove permanent marker from certain items.

He wants the mum of the kid to replace the items, OP says no she will pay, but she doesn’t earn her own money and the husband doesn’t want to effectively use his own money to pay himself back. He’s being an arsehole about it but it’s understandable he’s annoyed at the kid for causing £60 of damage to his stuff at 9 years old on purpose.

Obviously you'd need to use your own money or else he's paying to replace his own items.

And he’s quite right too, she bullies your daughter and vandalises your home. Yet you don’t want the mum to have to pay towards the damage. Surely you can see his point of view?