Husband on the war path again. Wants me to pay but I have no money

[ByZanyLion]

A close friends daughter was visiting my house for a play date with my daughter. The two girls are in the same class and a very good friends.

During the play date the girl scribbled on the wall and a few other places with a permanent marker. I only found out about this after she had gone home. The girls are both 9 and this has never happened before. DH has lost his ; he wants to confront the mother. I told him that I’ll deal with it but he isn’t happy. He doesn’t want her in our house again, nor her mother.

She scribbled on two things of his, which is what he is mostly angry about. I told him, I’ll replace the items, because my friend won’t have the money, as she is going through a fair tough situation herself, and I don’t want to add to her burden. DH isn’t sympathetic to her plight. He has basically said that either she needs to pay or I need to pay using my own money, and not our family money. However, I don’t work and don’t have another source of income.

I am slightly taken aback by his insistence I need to use my own money. FYI Its only £60 to replace the items.

He doesn't want her around because her daughter bullies his stepdaughter. Something that her own mother is apparently unconcerned about.

How can you bleat about "he knows you have no solo income" without noticing that this only came up because she said she would pay for it as though that would solve the problem for him! Can't you see that if she hadn't said this idiotically stupid thing, he wouldn't have said "fine, but don't use our joint money, because that's still just me paying".

Oh No. I would be very pissed off if I was your husband but I don’t think I would be demanding money from your friend to replace the items. Especially as it’s a one off. I certainly would be telling the mother though.

My DD’s friend did the same in my house a few years ago, on my brand new wallpaper, I told the dad when he came to pick him up but didn’t want or expect any money. That child hasn’t been back since though.

No the point on that was she once said she wasn't being her friend mum thinks it's kids being kids they do fall out sometimes. Yet other people are saying he shouldn't pay as she's not his bio daughter. The title of this thread says it all husband on the rampage again!

Probably op should clarify it sounds like family pot. At the end of the day they are a family or their not she's a sahm how else would he expect her to pay again the title of the thread says it all. Husband on the rampage again...

He doesn't expect her to pay, he said this to expose the idiocy of her saying she would pay out of joint money, when her friend should be paying.

And yes, the fact that the OP used "on the warpath" (not rampage) in the title absolutely proves that her husband must be in the wrong, and probably a murderer, despite her not saying anything that indicates he is anything more than annoyed by this in all the subsequent details she has added. That probably exaggerated title is enough for you. Hang him!

What? The kid who did the damage isn't either of their daughters, biological or otherwise. The OPs daughter wasnt reponsible for it.

Oh Fgs. The OP's daughter's friend scribbled on walls radiators and clothes. Neither of these girls are his daughters.

People have not read the comments correctly it's like Chinese whispers.

1. There was no bullying friend said she's not friends once as kids do sometimes fall out. So husband is overreacting using an excuse to get rid of the friends as controllers do.
2. Posters making comment that husbands not being the father so not responsible as such yet he married her and is step dad.
3. He is asking her to end her friendship over marker pen and kids being kids.
4. She has no own funds he knows this. There must be a family fund or why would she be a sahm it's family money or it's not a marriage should include sharing I bet op does all the housework cleaning cooking washing and contributes. We don't know about this..
5. The title husband on the rampage again.

And to add he must have been ok with her being a sahm or this wouldn't have been agreed to begin. She maybe needs her own income however for independence.

He shouldn't pay what? Of course the friend's daughter is not his biological daughter.

He thinks that the little girl is a bully to his stepdaughter and frankly I think the OP is an unreliable narrator.

Sorry, is this really so difficult for you?

Of course there's joint money. All of which he earns, but which they both can spend.

She offered to "pay" out of that to which he said that's no different to him paying out of that, so if she says she's going to pay, it needs to be from some other money.

We've all seen the title. You clearly don't need to see anything else. The title does it, even if backed by no detail at all.

"Posters making comment that husbands not being the father so not responsible as such yet he married her and is step dad."

Who the hell has said this? The girl he is stepfather to hasn't done anything!

Re "no bullying" the OP, said
because last time she was here, she told my daughter that she wasn’t her friend and my daughter burst into tears. I’ve put this down to kids being kids but he thinks she is a nasty bully, showing her true colours

Personally I don't think the OP is a reliable narrator.

How do you know OP's friend practices gentle parenting?

Absolutely tell her mother. A nine year old should know better. She needs a telling off, and she needs to apologise to you and your husband.
but your OH is being unreasonable

Bearing in mind ops also mentioned that finances have become an issue in their relationship obviously he's not happy with the situation. She absolutely is taking advantage of him.

That’s the point, he expects the friend to pay as her daughter did the damage.

The way you're framing it is weird. Yes, the mother should pay to have the items cleaned or if necessary to replace the items, because her 9yo daughter almost certainly can't. But if the mother can't or won't pay, there's really no practical way to make her. In that case, if the items need to be replaced, they get replaced out of the household money because you are no more at fault than your husband here (unless there's something you haven't mentioned) - if he had been home with the daughter and her friend while you were out, I doubt he'd have been watching them every minute to prevent scribbling either.

Definitely stop having this child at your house, though.

He needs to develop a sense of proportion. A child wrote on a wall. It's annoying, that's all. Nobody died, nobody got hurt, the house didn't fall down. Just paint over it and maybe have a word with the mum.

And radiator and clothes. Why on earth would a 9 year old child be using a permanent marker pen on someone else's clothes?

Get a job, then you can pay him back.

It’s not HIS money, presumably you do all the cooking, cleaning, childcare? It’s modern day slavery- so how do you buy things? Clothes, toiletries, sanitary products…

”On the war path” why do you put up with this. Honestly where does he expect you to find £60?

The only option you have is to show mum the footage, ask for £60 and end of friendship by the sounds of it. Maybe that’s what your DH wants, keeps you isolated doesn’t it.

Why the fuck should he pay to replace his own items? Thats ridiculous of course the mother of the child should pay and if the wife won’t ask the wife should pay!!!

How can you expect the other Mother to pay, when you were the one responsible for supervising them?

Try using some DW-40 to remove the marks.

The OP hasnt said that anywhere. He doesn’t want the friend’s DAUGHTER around because she was horrible to OP’s daughter, ie he’s protecting his step daughter!