Husband on the war path again. Wants me to pay but I have no money

[ByZanyLion]

A close friends daughter was visiting my house for a play date with my daughter. The two girls are in the same class and a very good friends.

During the play date the girl scribbled on the wall and a few other places with a permanent marker. I only found out about this after she had gone home. The girls are both 9 and this has never happened before. DH has lost his ; he wants to confront the mother. I told him that I’ll deal with it but he isn’t happy. He doesn’t want her in our house again, nor her mother.

She scribbled on two things of his, which is what he is mostly angry about. I told him, I’ll replace the items, because my friend won’t have the money, as she is going through a fair tough situation herself, and I don’t want to add to her burden. DH isn’t sympathetic to her plight. He has basically said that either she needs to pay or I need to pay using my own money, and not our family money. However, I don’t work and don’t have another source of income.

I am slightly taken aback by his insistence I need to use my own money. FYI Its only £60 to replace the items.

yet to find a marker that beats impulse body spray.

None with DH. He has 3 other children and I have 3. No more children!!!

So he is financially supporting you and a child who isn’t his? And has come home from work to find that his things have been ruined through bad behaviour and he is expected to pay?

that changes things a bit to me!

Yep. If a man was writing stuff like that to his mates, he'd (rightfully) be told he was an abusive dickhead.

You can’t demand the girls mother not put it right and not put it right yourself. You are deciding he needs to suck up the damage which isn’t fair.

So why are you a SAHM? How do you pay for your children?

How old is your youngest? Why don't you work?

If he's supporting eight people on one income, I'm not surprised he's pissed off.

I think she said their daughters are at school together 😅

I suspect this is the tip of the iceberg in terms of your husband being a dick??

I'm unsure why you invited a 9 year old back into your home that had already been mean to your child? I'd wondered why she hadn't come and told you her friend was drawing on things, but she's probably scared of her mean "friend" and her angry stepdad. 😔

Lighter fluid can get permanent marker off metal

To be fair, I would be very annoyed at a 9 year old scribbling all over the house. I have hosted a few playdates for my 7 year old DS and his group of friends (aged 6/7) and they have never done anything like this. If they want to write or draw, they ask for paper. Even if you don't ask the other mum to pay, she should know as her DD sounds quite badly behaved.

alright then, scribble 'Absolute bollox' instead if you insist!

I'd be pissed off too if a child who'd been nasty to my child, had been allowed back in my house and drawn over numerous surfaces and items.
Why don't you work? He's paying to support SIX children if I'm reading your updates correctly....
You could solve all of this by talking to the mother of the little shit who's drawn all over the house....

I agree.

if you don’t want to ask the other mother to pay, it’s in your court. Surely you get child benefit? If you are unable to earn your own money, your husband should be giving you an allowance for personal expenses.

I would tell the mother if you’re certain it wasn’t your child too.
More importantly, I would leave this abusive man. Play dates are wife work to him. They’re your job and you should suck up any costs.
I bet he loses his temper a lot and you have to keep the peace. Another nasty man.

Your husband sounds awful but that 9 year old wouldn't be in my house again and I would tell her mother.
9 is a ridiculous age for deliberately destroying the property in anyone's house and I would be telling her mother, hard time or not.
Ring Women's aid for support.
Can you get a job?

Try plain old bleach, it worked when my toddler scribbled with pen on our stone patio. I was worried it might damage the stone but tbh the stone was ruined anyway so I had a go and it worked a charm.

And this girl sounds WAY out of line. I'm not sure what's worse, deliberately destroying someone else's property or deliberately upsetting your child in her own home when she's been invited over as a guest. Very sad you don't seem to think either of these things is a big deal. If I'd pulled either of those stunts at a friend's house aged 9 my mum would've skinned me alive. I don't blame your DH for being livid.

Stop blaming the other child. He sounds like a twat.

This sounds like it's part of a bigger problem .
Has money been a problem between you for a while? Does he support you and your 3 children?
I understand you not wanting to ask your friend for the money . But I would definitely tell her what her daughter did. At 9 that is very poor behaviour. She is old enough to know better .
I also wouldn't have her in the house until you can trust her parents have addressed why she feels the need to do these things

Tell the mother no way should nine year olds be drawing on things .I would have the bloody hump aswell

How can you have no access to money if you have 3 children with another man? Do you not get child support? Benefits?

Are you really expecting your current OH to support you plus 3 non related children? And pay for damage caused by badly behaved kids friends too just because you are too spineless to talk to their mum?
This can’t be serious!

Why? The guy is working to provide for 3 kids that aren’t his, plus his own potentially, and his wife who doesn’t work. He wants the mother of the kid who damaged his property to pay for it, and OP won’t allow this. Do you just hate men generally?

That kid wouldn't be coming back to my house either.

Pissed off, yeah, but it’s not something to go to war on. He’s clearly chosen a life where @ByZanyLion supports them all by being SAHP.

he is being unreasonable

He's supporting eight people on one income, three of which are children that aren't even his.

Do you still think he's a bastard? Does OP not have any responsibility to pay for her own kids?