To speak to my neighbour's about her disabled child?

[RootsBeforeTheFruits]

OK I've named changed....

I've recently moved house and have been at the new house about 9 months, for the first few months next door was empty and being renovated. Once it finished it was quickly rented out to my current neighbour's. She's a nice enough woman we have a gab in passing, she had a son with additional needs.

Here's the problem ....it's a terraced style house and he frequently bangs shit out of the walls, in the day I don't mind as much it's the day, but he bangs well into the night i don't mean the odd tapping it's actually shaking our walls. It frequently wakes my children up in the night and they've been extra tired in school.

Do I speak to her about it, i explain to the children that he has additional needs and more than likely can't help this behavior, I really don't know what to do

There’s probably nothing she can do unfortunately and I feel for you both. Can you have additional sound proofing added to your walls?

Of course speak to her!
She may be unaware he’s doing it.
Your poor kids must be shattered.

I would imagine she is more than aware of the problem.

This is tough - she’ll know it’s a problem but equally you can’t just be expected to put up with it.

Im not sure what she can do about it but that does sound very hard to live with.

I'm not sure what speaking to her about it will achieve? She knows he's doing it and you know that he can't help it.

I'd talk to her and see if between you you can come up with a solution.

I would speak to her tbh. Its keeping your children awake and presumably it can scare them having that type of noise wake them up so suddenly? I know it might be awkward, but she can't have her neighbours disturbed like this. Perhaps there's nothing she can do, perhaps there is something she can do. Unless you speak with her you won't find out.

What is the banging from? Is it like something being hit against the wall that adjoins your property, or just generalised noise?

I’d talk to her, yeah. You can’t be expected to just endure that, your kids shouldn’t need to be knackered in school either.

It’s possible to have tact and sensitivity when approaching this, but to also recognise that you shouldn’t need to live with your walls shaking at night.

I would be suprised if she didn't know, it literally shakes our walls, these aren't new build style houses either. They are full brick Victorian houses. I can't add sound proofing unfortunately its far too expensive it's the whole side of the house its 3 stories plus its rented.

Yes speak to her. His need to bang walls doesn’t trump your right to some peace in your own home, especially at night time.

I imagine you neighbours would also be very distressed by this behaviour and also keep them awake. I would be sensitive around the topic. Has the child and ASD or similar diagnosis?? This is slightly triggering as my own non verbal autistic son spent 4 yrs not sleeping at night and just jumping on his bed laughing "stimming", I estimated he did this 265/365 nights per year, it was very upsetting, we were like zombies still working FT. Fortunately we live in a detached house which had no impact on neighbours. Do talk to them but also get headphones or calming music, or some kind of sound proofing thru furniture. Good luck 🤞

I would speak to her first. As a courtesy.
But don't go in with anything less then you need to find a resolution so your children can sleep.
This is your line and you can't move from it.

Can his room be moved? Can she explore sound proofing?

After that I would reach out to the council and keep escalating until it's settled.

She needs to find something else for him to punch.

No chance should you need to think about paying to soundproof anything! Even if you owned your home, it’s ludicrous to suggest that you shell out for this issue.

It just sounds like he is hitting the walls with his hands but with a force. I just don't know how to approach her about it, I don't want her to feel on edge in her own home because her son is being noisy and she can't do anything about it.

Her job is to advocate for her child.

Your job is to advocate for yours.
If you sit here hand wringing over her and her child who's looking out for yours?
They matter just as much. They have just as many needs and rights.

Yes I think she has mentioned he has autism and he is also non verbal.

I'm sure she might've already thought about that.

Yes you are absolutely right. I needed to hear this. It's a quiet night tonight thankfully there has only been about half an hour banging about 9pm.

How old is he roughly?

He's a teenager about 13 or 14

Be gentle when you raise this because it seems likely that she is fully aware because his banging also keeps her awake.

As you know, tiredness is soul-destroying, so bear in mind that she may already be at the end of her tether because of his banging.

She won't be oblivious, she will be living in her own despair, trust me. We got some medication called 'Melatonin' this would help him settle but he would still spring up around 3am. Yes, a fidget toy/s or punch bag may help or changing rooms for.the boy to other side of house, if possible.

I was going to say, if he was a toddler, she'd be able to move him away but as I suspected, he's older and could already be bigger and stronger than her.