To speak to my neighbour's about her disabled child?

[RootsBeforeTheFruits]

OK I've named changed....

I've recently moved house and have been at the new house about 9 months, for the first few months next door was empty and being renovated. Once it finished it was quickly rented out to my current neighbour's. She's a nice enough woman we have a gab in passing, she had a son with additional needs.

Here's the problem ....it's a terraced style house and he frequently bangs shit out of the walls, in the day I don't mind as much it's the day, but he bangs well into the night i don't mean the odd tapping it's actually shaking our walls. It frequently wakes my children up in the night and they've been extra tired in school.

Do I speak to her about it, i explain to the children that he has additional needs and more than likely can't help this behavior, I really don't know what to do

They wouldn’t be kicked out because of being disabled. The noise and vibrations are causing the problems whatever the reason it’s irrelevant when it comes to the legal right to enjoyment of your own property.
The landlord and parents needs to find a solution do they aren’t creating a nuisance for others.
Perhaps the landlord needs to improve the insulation. Or perhaps the parents need to find a more suitable property that’s not attached.

The onus is not on OP to sort this out but it is on OPto make the landlord and neighbour aware of the negative impact it is having on them.
If nothing is sorted then OP can of course escalate the matter to the council.

How do you keep him from hitting walls?

Bring it up with his parents but there isn’t much that can be done. As you are renting I’d really consider moving, if you weren’t then you could make some modifications.

Some of my family live in that style of house and you hear everything but not all autistic children can live in detached properties.

Use thought - keep him physically away from the wall. Do you think it ok for the op? Would you welcome this noise? I think not.

That’s up to the parent to work out. Not OP.

Good luck wity keeping a severly disabled non verbal teen away frim the walls.

That's you.
I personally would do anything it took to ensure my children were OK and getting the sleep they need.

That’s not an excuse though.
Noise is noise.
If it’s disturbing others late at night it’s a nuisance.

How do you do that? You have clearly have no real life experience of looking after a disabled child. You only seem to have an obsession with the non-disabled not having to be affected by someone with SN. Dont know think the mum is at the end of her tether too? There is very little support for those with disabilities through social services etc. It's just not as easy as 'keeping him from hitting the wall'.

Well, newsflash. It doesn't work like that!

I know how it works.
First you tell the neighbour
If nothing improves
You tell the landlord in writing
If nothing improves you make a formal complaint to Environmental Health at the council.

They will visit your property to assess the issue before they escalate it back to the landlord to sort out.

Or
Go straight to the council if it’s affecting your family and you just can’t stand to wait that long. As others have said it’s not like the parent next door doesn’t know it’s happening

Then perhaps the child should be housed in a detached property so the wall banging does not impact neighbours.

Do you think it ok for the OP’s kids to be tired at school because of neighbour noise? Would you put up with this? Of course not. The carers of this child need to be sure that others are not having their health disrupted. Obsession- lol You seem to have an obsession of selfishness. People have to live with respect to others - have a think on that.

The noise is due to his disability. Of course it's relevant.

A detached property will cost more money, money someone who is probably not able to work and caring for disabled child is unlikely to have. Especially if she is also a single parent.

None of that is the OP’s problem.

The issue is the noise and disruption. The identity of the occupants creating the noise is irrelevant.

How would covering the walls with mattresses help the boy with his needs? Presumably, if punching a mattress satisfied his stimming needs, he would already be punching the mattress on his bed?

It sounds like it's the feeling of banging a very hard surface and/or the noise it makes that works for his needs, so surely by thickly padding the walls, although it would deaden the noise a lot next door, it would likely thwart and frustrate him, wouldn’t it?

I'd also be a bit concerned about the integrity of the walls, if the house is shaking. Yes, brick is very strong, but I can't imagine being pounded for hours every day over potentially years is good for it long-term.

Have you addressed this with the neighbours, apologized, looked for soundproofing solutions?

As this DC gets older he will get even stronger. I'd speak to your neighbour and tell her you have put up with a lot of noise. It doesn't bother you so much during the day time but during the night your DC are being woken up by the constant banging. You know her DC is autistic but she needs to look into getting a mattress to go up against her wall to muffle the sound. I'd tell her if it didn't stop during the night you would be contacting the council as bout it. She may be able to swap bedrooms with the DC. She could possibly manage better in an end of terrace where her DS was put in the bedroom not next to another house. That is the likely cause of action to solve the issue.

It’s not relevant when it’s escalated to environmental health
A nuisance is a nuisance
Thats it

They will not tell OP she has to suck it up just because there is a disabled person causing it

That is not how it works.

The neighbour and her landlord will have to find a solution.

Additional costs of moving or renting another property is not OPs problem and nor is it Environmental healths

And if by some miracle HAs started housing these people in detached properties then a lot of these MNers would be furious 😅

All I am saying is that it doesn't work like that. Severely disabled children do not have an off button. Nobody can change that. Not the carers either.

I have severely disabled children (they don't make noise, we have different issue) but I have a very good understanding how difficult things can be and some behaviours sadly cannot be changed. It's nothing to do with lack of respect. Sounds like the family needs a detached property but it doesn't work like that in the real work. Disability is a fact of life 🤷

I would move because I know there is next to no chance that the situation will improve. It's just a heavy portion of realism after caring for children with SN for almost 2 decades.

It doesn't matter where the noise is coming from or who is causing it. The banging is unacceptable and needs to stop.

It's not your job to stop it with sound proofing etc it's down to the neighbours who whilst understandably have difficulties with a child who can't moderate their behaviour, need to find a way to prevent the child from being a nuisance. How they do it is on them.

This absolutely is not OPs responsibility.

She needs to be polite & have an awareness that the behaviour is not deliberate but stopping the disturbance & noise is the priority.

It is up to the neighbour to find a solution. OP does not need to put up with it or provide the solution - she most definitely does not need to provide respite care for someone else's child!!

Utterly ridiculous. Autism isn't a get out of jail free card.

Do you think that the op is being unreasonable? Do you think that she and family have to put up and shut up?