To speak to my neighbour's about her disabled child?

[RootsBeforeTheFruits]

OK I've named changed....

I've recently moved house and have been at the new house about 9 months, for the first few months next door was empty and being renovated. Once it finished it was quickly rented out to my current neighbour's. She's a nice enough woman we have a gab in passing, she had a son with additional needs.

Here's the problem ....it's a terraced style house and he frequently bangs shit out of the walls, in the day I don't mind as much it's the day, but he bangs well into the night i don't mean the odd tapping it's actually shaking our walls. It frequently wakes my children up in the night and they've been extra tired in school.

Do I speak to her about it, i explain to the children that he has additional needs and more than likely can't help this behavior, I really don't know what to do

In theory, but if his disability means that he can't help banging the walls then there may not be much his mum can do. Obviously you can't restrain a disabled child because his actions bother the neighbours.

OP, I would speak to her and ask if there's anything she can do (it's possible she doesn't realise the sound is travelling through the walls). But if it's unavoidable I think you need to consider how you can minimise the noise from your side.

Regardless , your own DC are suffering. I couldn’t do this - my own DC (ASD) has epilepsy and lack of sleep would trigger hell.

it’s more about becoming a collective with the neighbour and trying to reach a resolution

Having been in this situation with a severely disabled child you simply cannot imagine how difficult it is and how limited you are to manage it. I was suicidal as my son didn't sleep and banged on his walls until 4am. I only had neighbours one side but the guy used to bang back and yell. There was nothing I could do. He had activities and punch bags in his room.

I have every sympathy for your own children, but it's an awful situation and and i'm not really sure how it can be resolved if the neighbours child is as severe as mine.

Which is why I personally wouldn't escalate to environmental health. I'd feel like shit watching a disabled child become homeless because of me.

Oh, I know.

They truly can't win. I really feel for them.

But that's not true. A baby crying is noise but it can't be helped, neighbours just have to put up with it even though it's unpleasant and disturbs them. A disabled child falls into the same category.

My son is like this. We are detached but the banging was disturbing his siblings. The council padded his walls which put a stop to it as he wasn’t getting the same sensation. We also looked at getting a Safespace which would have helped and can sometimes be funded by a grant from the council. Not your responsibility of course but just wanted to say that there are things that should help. You and your children shouldn’t be suffering because of this. Maybe your neighbour isn’t aware of people who can help. I wasn’t and only got help when I felt I couldn’t cope anymore.

Keep him away from the bedroom wall...in his own bedroom...at night?

Yes in an ideal world but we dont live in an ideal world.

My son was a wall banger. We ended up putting padding on his walls and then bought a specialist bed that he sleeps in. We had to pay for all of this and it was very expensive - bed cost £9000. It is very difficult to get things like this funded.

What do you suggest? Sounds like this kid is at risk of injury.

Why shoiuld i apologize for having a disabled child ?
He cant control his behavior howwever the area i live in is deprived and there is far more anti social behaviour than a disabled child being disabled.

Maybe it depends on the local authority. Ours were brilliant.

"Then perhaps the child should be housed in a detached property so the wall banging does not impact neighbours."

Which fantasy world do you live in.

My understanding is a bit more nuanced than your very simplistic thinking. I have also a answered this question up thread. HTH.

I wish I had one. Short of putting a child in a cage which is obviously totally wrong or forcing a helmet on them there's nothing. Which was my point. I've been there.

I've been where you've been OP. My whole house used to rock from early in the morning with all the stamping around. As unfortunate as it was for the boy and his family, it is a nightmare to live next to, and I did feel a bit helpless as what can you really say? It's easy to be a stranger on the internet saying "Of course you need to say something", but it's a lot bloody harder to do that IRL, especially if the parents already seem at the end of their tether. I was lucky in the end that they moved out after a few months.

I also used to live in a flat below 2 poor kids whose mother was a total wreck. They used to throw balls in the flat at 6am on the weekends, right above my bedroom. Their mum was an aggressive alcoholic and not one for talking. I complained loads to the landlord, who was trying to evict her but it was almost impossible to do due to her circumstances.

OP must advocate for her own children. Sleep is extremely important for a child's health and development. It's not just a little bit inconvenient or something that she can easily make allowances for. It's is having a tangible impact on their life as a family.

As someone said earlier - as sad as this is, the OP should not be forced to share her misfortune.

Simplistic lol - Selfish applies to you though. HTH

That's lovely that your daughter understands you and can be redirected. Many high needs autistic people can't be so easily redirected. They have limited understanding for the world outside of their head, and have a monotropic view in regards to behaviours and interests. You simply can't make them understand others need for calm and quiet because it's beyond their capacity.

I don't actually know what the OP can do, but I also have a high needs autistic child and he can't be stopped once he starts stimming. He barely sleeps. He won't be redirected, it causes further distress which is louder and can go on for hours.

We live with family who own their property though and our neighbours are profoundly deaf. I'm not in OPs situation at all.

If I were OP and in rented accommodation I would just move.

a disabled child is a 'misfortune' now? nice one.

I'd hope to reach some kind of compromise and be prepared that things may take time due to cost and accept that not everything may be possible due to cost.

I wouldn't be rushing to make a disabled child homeless. He has to live somewhere.

Of course sleep is important but I also think it's important to acknowledge the difference between actual nuisance behavior and noise that isn't intentional such as babies crying and a child with special needs who has limited to no understanding.

A helmet might protect from head injury. One of my kids wore one.

It’s not for the OP to sort out soundproofing solutions, plus she has already said it ‘s a rented house.