To speak to my neighbour's about her disabled child?

[RootsBeforeTheFruits]

OK I've named changed....

I've recently moved house and have been at the new house about 9 months, for the first few months next door was empty and being renovated. Once it finished it was quickly rented out to my current neighbour's. She's a nice enough woman we have a gab in passing, she had a son with additional needs.

Here's the problem ....it's a terraced style house and he frequently bangs shit out of the walls, in the day I don't mind as much it's the day, but he bangs well into the night i don't mean the odd tapping it's actually shaking our walls. It frequently wakes my children up in the night and they've been extra tired in school.

Do I speak to her about it, i explain to the children that he has additional needs and more than likely can't help this behavior, I really don't know what to do

Not sure what you expect her to do? I have 2 disabled children and I wish there was an off button. If you find it hard, imagine how difficult it must be for her. I wouldn't say anything as there is nothing that can be done.

Of course you have to speak to her.
The noise at night is affecting your enjoyment of your home.
Thats the bar when the council consider it as a nuisance so yes, you need to speak to her to give her a chance to sort it out.

If it continues then I’m not sure whether the council would take the matter further but depending on how loud it is and the level of vibrations the matter could be escalated to environmental health at the Council.
I would say if nothing improves then you could talk to the landlord, perhaps a terrace isn’t suitable for the family and the landlord has other, more appropriate, accommodation.

Its a really difficult one given the sons condition but ultimately your childrens welfare is your first priority.

So OP should just resign herself to years of sleep disruption and non enjoyment of her home?

In her shoes I’d contact the council and the landlord.

So OP has to just put up with it forevermore? That's not reasonable nor fair.

What do you suggest the neighbour could do about it? The child sounds rather low functioning. What is your parental experience of caring for a child with complex needs and challenging behaviours?

If it is a rental, I would probably move if I were the OP but I am living the parental hell of it and know that sometimes, for some children, nothing can be done. It's incredibly difficult for all involved. I just don't understand the posts which say OP shouldn't have to put up with it. What do people think can be done???

I don't agree with this. It's affecting the OP's children. Their quality of sleep is being disturbed which will affect school work etc.

OP I would definitely bring this up with your neighbour. It is a sensitive area but it does need addressing.

My friend had this with her son, he used his head so was provided with a helmet. The noise was very loud.

You can talk to her but like my friend I'm sure she will be aware. It's hellish for all.

Ok, her son must be getting sensory feedback from throwing himself against/hitting the walls and she needs to look into other ways for this need to be met. Has she heard of sensory integration therapy?
In the meantime, could you offer to write a letter of support to her OT team/social work dept/family fund to see if she can get a padded mattress she could put up against the wall to lessen the noise for you (and safer for him)?

OP moving just means whoever moves in after will have the same problem.
It sounds like the neighbour needs to not be attached to others.
Its the neighbours responsibility to deal with nuisance behaviour not OPs to have to move out .

Yes but what to you expect the mum to do?? Do you not already think if she could stop it she would?!?!?

Perhaps find somewhere more appropriate to live. A terrace with walls that vibrate and are poorly insulated clearly isn’t.

Id go over and offer to write supporting letters to whoever for grants for a solution/contact council if it would help - his hands must be a mess. What a sad situation for everyone.

This surely?

I'm not going to read this thread as I'm sure there are some horrible dicks on here as there always are with discussions around SEN children.

My son has ASD and severe LD and is noisy. Nobody has complained yet, which is lucky because there is very little I can do about his stimming because it is a neurological disorder.

What your neighbour could do is request sound proofing on walls by getting an OT assessment with the council (ours had a nine month wait to be seen and God knows how long for the work) so it might not be a quick solution, but may get the ball rolling. Some people get special needs beds where the kids are zipped into a play area with a bed in so that can be away from a wall. Not everyone's thing though. Not much she can probably do though other than that if the child has significant needs, like I said, it's a neurological/developmental disorder and you can't change the structure of someone's brain. I would ask her to approach the council about getting an assessment. The child's consultant, GP or social worker might be able to refer too, but there are things they can put in the home.

I'm all ears with these wonderful genius ideas.

The son can be stopped from banging on the walls. It’s unacceptable to give you this noise. Report to the local council for noise.

How do you suggest he can be stopped?

That's not OPs problem though is it to be frank, it's not up to her to come up with solutions or fixes, it's up to them.

Indeed my own non verbal teen doesnt bang on walls but he does scream loudly and frequently ,short of gagging i cant stop him.

Well no, that’s not the OP’s problem and this is why there is such little tolerance these days because of attitude like yours. The onus is on you, at the bare minimum to apologise to your neighbours and explain the situation. Work with them to find a solution. You can’t sit there with that attitude of tough luck to them and expect any understanding for your situation.
her kids sleep and home life is being affected, so no she doesn’t need to put your situation above hers.

Do you have soundproofing in your house? That sounds awful for your neighbours.

It doesn’t but I personally wouldn’t want to attempt to get a disabled child kicked out of their home for being disabled.

They have never complained but its a deprived area and there is s lot of antisocisl behsviour that is far worse than a disabled teen being disabled.

Go to her with solutions rather than a problem.

there are bedrooms called “safe space” or padding you can fit on the walls.

Hopefully she has a SW from
the disabilities team and you can offer to speak to her about the impact on you too and both ask for an assessment (usually OT) for a safe bedroom for him.

it’ll be having an impact on them too and they’d probably be reassured by empathy and also support and advocate.

But approach with care so you don’t push them away rather than get them onside. Being a latent of a child with severe LD is already hard enough.

Keep him from hitting the walls. It’s not acceptable to enable this noise. Others have suggested soundproofing. It’s not ok for the op - her kids are tired at school due to neighbour noise. That’s not right.