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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why do people hate big families?

281 replies

FluffyPaw · 16/04/2025 19:33

I have 4 children and my sister has 3 children. We often go out together in the holidays in DHs minibus.

Last week we went to the forest (national park, lots for kids to do). We pulled up and as we started getting out I noticed a couple who were sat on the grass with a toddler roll their eyes at each other. Another family started packing up and moved further away - making a scene of how put out they were. There was no bad language from us, no shouting - the kids were excited yes but no misbehaving. Did we really deserve such a frosty welcome?

yesterday we went to a farm - again clearly designed with kids in mind, huge play area, food to feed the animals, an area in the woods for kids to build dens - so not designed to be a quiet place by any means.

We pulled up and as we started walking towards the ticket office I saw a woman literally look us up and down and say to her husband “we timed this wrong”. He didn’t respond but didn’t look happy either. The kids were excited and chatting, again not misbehaving.

later we went to the play area and obviously the kids were excited and running. An older lady picked up who I assumed to be a grandchild and said “come on before you get knocked flying by this lot”. I nicely said to her “don’t worry, they won’t knock her over, they’re gentle with small children” and she literally blanked me and stormed off.

Why do people hate large families?? It’s really made me quite sad. Meant to be going to a stately home tomorrow and I’m already dreading it.

OP posts:
Allthesnowallthetime · 16/04/2025 19:35

Aw I'm sorry, OP. I don't hate big families. I have friends who have 7 children:)

GoodCharl · 16/04/2025 19:35

You do you. Don't worry about others. Flick them the Vs and carry on your day 🤪

TeenLifeMum · 16/04/2025 19:36

Er… are your lot a bit rough? I have 3 dc and best friend has 4, we’ve never had any reactions like that. I did have a guy who I knew but not well come up and tell me I was the reason they decided to have a 3rd dc, because I made it look easy… I think you just chill out once you have 3 or more.

faerietales · 16/04/2025 19:36

Hm, this isn't my experience with large families at all.

Waterlilysunset · 16/04/2025 19:36

That’s rubbish I’m sorry :(

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 16/04/2025 19:37

Some people are arseholes. Don't let it get to you.

Misorchid · 16/04/2025 19:38

I love big families. Wish I’d had more children.
Too late now.

SchnizelVonKrumm · 16/04/2025 19:38

Not something I've ever observed tbh. You say in a number of your examples that the kids were excited - 4 excited kids is quite a whirlwind however well behaved they are. It doesn't justify eye rolling etc though or people moving away!

Eta hadn't spotted it was 7 kids not 4! OK thar still doesn't justify rudeness but the kids may not have been as quiet as you think!

SchnizelVonKrumm · 16/04/2025 19:39

GoodCharl · 16/04/2025 19:35

You do you. Don't worry about others. Flick them the Vs and carry on your day 🤪

What a delightful example to set the children 🙄

Walkingwithdinosaurs · 16/04/2025 19:39

That’s a lot of comments in a very short space of time… looks like you might be louder and more disruptive than you think.

SemperIdem · 16/04/2025 19:39

People make assumptions that the children will be poorly behaved and run wild, even if they are not at that present moment.

I have acquired a big family, rather than having one per se.

Women have said to my face “haven’t you got a tv?” and then really not known what to say when I explain only one child is mine, the other children are my step children.

Legomania · 16/04/2025 19:39

Sounds like they are louder than you think! Some people with lots of children get a bit immune to the noise.

Eggsboxedandmelting · 16/04/2025 19:39

I once kindly scolded a young dm in a supermarket.. apologising for her dc just being dc... She had 4 small ones. Back years ago I had 4 under 7 and also took them shopping.. Brought back good memories.. Her dc were delightful and weren't being anything but kids.. Me and my BFF both had 4 and did get some stares. Who bloody cares? Care not op.

GoodCharl · 16/04/2025 19:39

SchnizelVonKrumm · 16/04/2025 19:39

What a delightful example to set the children 🙄

It was a joke. Dont take it literally!

Ponderingwindow · 16/04/2025 19:40

Lower ratio of supervision.

You will discover the same reaction when a childminder or nursery shows up with a group of children at a child friendly location. The parents present with their children will silently sigh because the entire mood of the venue is changing.

Walkingwithdinosaurs · 16/04/2025 19:40

GoodCharl · 16/04/2025 19:35

You do you. Don't worry about others. Flick them the Vs and carry on your day 🤪

Your definitely getting told of for that one on here 😂

AffIt · 16/04/2025 19:41

If I clocked seven kids and 2-4 adults heading towards my spot, I'd move, too, tbh.

It's not necessarily a judgement on your choices, OP, but that's a bit peopley for my tastes.

GoodCharl · 16/04/2025 19:41

Walkingwithdinosaurs · 16/04/2025 19:40

Your definitely getting told of for that one on here 😂

Im one of 7 kids myself so idc. We were all well behaved on our outings! People stereotype unfortunately

SchnizelVonKrumm · 16/04/2025 19:42

Walkingwithdinosaurs · 16/04/2025 19:40

Your definitely getting told of for that one on here 😂

*You're
*off
Whilst we're on the subject of getting told off Wink

CanYouTurnItDown · 16/04/2025 19:42

The ‘we timed this wrong’ is very likely just meaning that they’ll have to queue longer etc and not because they ‘hate big families’. Likewise the moving is probably because 7 energetic kids turned up en masse, nothing to do with who they’re related to.

Three and four kids isn’t a big family anyway, I assumed you were talking about families with about 7 kids.

arcticpandas · 16/04/2025 19:43

Well to be fair a group of 7 children do make a lot of noise. You're probably so used to it you don't notice anymore. No need to take it personally, it could be a group of friends or whatever and people would still sigh.

JustBiscoff · 16/04/2025 19:44

As an only child, I absolutely love big families, and hope we will have one ourselves! (Currently expecting baby no. 3).

Reugny · 16/04/2025 19:47

Walkingwithdinosaurs · 16/04/2025 19:39

That’s a lot of comments in a very short space of time… looks like you might be louder and more disruptive than you think.

Yep.

I've looked after 5-6 children at once.

Never received any of those comments.

The older kids did behave well though.

Walkingwithdinosaurs · 16/04/2025 19:50

SchnizelVonKrumm · 16/04/2025 19:42

*You're
*off
Whilst we're on the subject of getting told off Wink

Oops naughty me… I should really know better 😝

maudlinbrassmonkey · 16/04/2025 19:50

Are the 7 children mostly boys?