Why do people hate big families?

[FluffyPaw]

I have 4 children and my sister has 3 children. We often go out together in the holidays in DHs minibus.

Last week we went to the forest (national park, lots for kids to do). We pulled up and as we started getting out I noticed a couple who were sat on the grass with a toddler roll their eyes at each other. Another family started packing up and moved further away - making a scene of how put out they were. There was no bad language from us, no shouting - the kids were excited yes but no misbehaving. Did we really deserve such a frosty welcome?

yesterday we went to a farm - again clearly designed with kids in mind, huge play area, food to feed the animals, an area in the woods for kids to build dens - so not designed to be a quiet place by any means.

We pulled up and as we started walking towards the ticket office I saw a woman literally look us up and down and say to her husband “we timed this wrong”. He didn’t respond but didn’t look happy either. The kids were excited and chatting, again not misbehaving.

later we went to the play area and obviously the kids were excited and running. An older lady picked up who I assumed to be a grandchild and said “come on before you get knocked flying by this lot”. I nicely said to her “don’t worry, they won’t knock her over, they’re gentle with small children” and she literally blanked me and stormed off.

Why do people hate large families?? It’s really made me quite sad. Meant to be going to a stately home tomorrow and I’m already dreading it.

Okay then if you are going to join in, play on the swings, carry a small child with ice cream, play tag or deal with juice cartons, you need stretchable, quick dry, easy wash clothing.

We don't get this at all - I have 3 children, currently pregnant with my 4th.

I have people stop and say complimentary things about my kids and talk to them.

Some people might look at us sometimes and wonder if we're crazy/how we cope having so many kids with small age gaps.

But nobody has ever said anything negative to us.

They probably think you'll all take over the space.

I think a well-behaved group of 4-7 older children can still be noisier than a family without children or with one/two much smaller children are used to. I wouldn't take it personally, OP. When I had one wobbly toddler I did worry a bit about her being knocked over by excited older children because accidents happen but it was never intended as a slight to them, it was just about my perception of my kid's ability to manage around them.

People don’t hate big families, they just dislike over bearing groups of children when they only have one or two.

A group of children who all know each other well will be loud, and will probably look like they’re having more fun than the family who have a much smaller number of children. People don’t want to take their children on days out where other children are having more fun than their own.

I dislike large families because I came from one. If I saw 2 adults with 7 children I’d probably inwardly eye roll. I wouldn’t be obviously unpleasant but I do hold assumptions about the parenting ability when the adult is outnumbered 4 to 1.

Big families aren’t for me as I come from one and my mother was completely incapable in looking after that many kids of different ages.

that said, as long as the kids are behaving themselves I don’t really care how many kids other people have. Just ignore if the kids genuinely weren’t being a pain in the arse.

They may have assumed you were childminders

I have 6 kids so have no issues at all with big families, also ran a playscheme so used to big big groups when out, but have recently begun to sigh inwardly when childminders rock up to places. For some reason there are a quite a number now that allow fetal behaviour in their charges.

The childminder we use has stopped going to a local playgroup for that exact reason!

I have 11 dc... Never take them all out in less than our dining room drapes....

I've definitely not pulled that sort of face at large families per se (I am from one and have one myself), but I definitely pull it when I see 'excited children'. Other people might describe it as 'high spirited' or 'just being children'.

Yes. But my post upthread referred specifically to all-grey tracksuits. It's a very, er, distinctive look and not one which conjured up images if good behaviour...

All I’m going to say is your tolerance and understanding of what is ‘excitement’ and normal for 4-7 kids will often be very different than that of a family with 1-2 kids. I have one and have friends with 3-4. What they tolerate and deem acceptable from their kids is very different than me.

I think it’s important to keep in mind that people generally only really like their own children. So when 7 young, excited, chatty kids come piling into a farm/play area/picnic area, people are bound to feel a bit overcome. Larger groups of excited children do take over to some extent- even just their voices and laughter can over power.
My niece is a shy little girl and gets quite overwhelmed so we would probably move to a quieter area if 7 loud children arrived in one go.

The fact you’ve had a few people make comments makes me wonder if your group of kids are a little louder/wilder than you really realise. Perhaps you are used to that level of noise on a daily basis, but a lot of people aren’t.

My DP is one of 6. He said as kids they were never invited en masse to other relatives houses

That's odd, I used to be a childminder and never had that. I used to get the odd 'are they all yours??'..I was always tempted to answer with 'they've all got different fathers'. Never got any negativity though and it's not like I was in a branded car or clothes either.

It's probably the adult to child ratio as well. High number of children so more chance of rowdiness and noise. I've also noticed as well that older siblings are often charged with keeping younger ones in line and that often doesn't go well either.

Exactly, they can be loud if they want

You could say other people are too quiet.

People hate annoying loud misbehaved kids, not large families
honestly we’re the kids being annoying?

people need to realise the world doesn’t give a shit or revolve around your kids

Of course no one would want to be in close proximity to 6 boys + 1 girl, supervised by just two adults. This is a no brainer…

Your kids definitely aren't as well-behaved as you think they are.

Only 4?! Round my part of London, families of 8 are common.

Relax. People are dicks. If your kids are nicely behaved then don’t let some miseryguts ruin your fun.

It’s just noisy and annoying. You’re not doing anything wrong but existing but neither are they.

They presume you are on benefits.

No hate for large families here, but to me it sounds like the first woman was irritated at having to be behind a large group at the ticket office (it is tedious being behind large groups; they always seem to faff and take ages over things) and then secondly, I think people who have perhaps one small child can be a bit judgy about older, more boisterous children. No issue with kids running around having fun at play areas but to be totally honest, I am often not in the mood to be near noise, chaos and people intruding on my personal space, which would possibly affect my reactions!

6 boisterous boys and a girl, I’d probably (inwardly) roll my eyes too.