Why do people hate big families?

[FluffyPaw]

I have 4 children and my sister has 3 children. We often go out together in the holidays in DHs minibus.

Last week we went to the forest (national park, lots for kids to do). We pulled up and as we started getting out I noticed a couple who were sat on the grass with a toddler roll their eyes at each other. Another family started packing up and moved further away - making a scene of how put out they were. There was no bad language from us, no shouting - the kids were excited yes but no misbehaving. Did we really deserve such a frosty welcome?

yesterday we went to a farm - again clearly designed with kids in mind, huge play area, food to feed the animals, an area in the woods for kids to build dens - so not designed to be a quiet place by any means.

We pulled up and as we started walking towards the ticket office I saw a woman literally look us up and down and say to her husband “we timed this wrong”. He didn’t respond but didn’t look happy either. The kids were excited and chatting, again not misbehaving.

later we went to the play area and obviously the kids were excited and running. An older lady picked up who I assumed to be a grandchild and said “come on before you get knocked flying by this lot”. I nicely said to her “don’t worry, they won’t knock her over, they’re gentle with small children” and she literally blanked me and stormed off.

Why do people hate large families?? It’s really made me quite sad. Meant to be going to a stately home tomorrow and I’m already dreading it.

I don't think 4 children is a big family.

I had four kids myself (very spread out), and I was a teacher working with preschoolers and kindergartners for many years. Nonetheless, when I’m out and about now and see a mum with three or four kids, it looks like A LOT. I always jokingly whisper to any of my kids that are with me, “That’s a lot of kids!” Honestly, now that I’m getting close to 60, I have no idea how I did all of that! 😂

Any parent who chooses to have 4 kids is already a bad parent

I disagree based on my personal and professional (former educator) observations of parents/families.

I do think there’s a limit to where it starts to becomes ridiculous though and they rely too much on the older kids doing parenting. But I’ve seen many families with 4/5 work well.

Sad to read this. People can be so judgemental. Personally, I love seeing groups of happy children playing, laughing and generally having fun. The more the merrier!
They are our future after all.
Keep being positive and smile at the grumpy ones.

This!

My BIL & both SILs had 6 children between them (all now young adults, thankfully). When they were young, if all of them were present at events, the noise and chaos was unbearable.

Individually, and in smaller numbers, they were all delightful children, but the mayhem seemed to increase geometrically the more of them were present at any event. I sometimes used to find an excuse not to go to family events if I knew they were all going to be present, the pandemonium just did my head in sometimes.

Other people's children & other people's dogs - neither are ever as good as, or as marvellous, wonderful, better than etc as you believe your own are. We don't quite realise how hostile or suspicious people really are of our children until they start moving about, or crying, or shouting out at each other in a public space, treating a store or a restaurant as their private obstacle course. That's when we begin to wonder why we aren't getting the reaction from others we expected, especially when society expects birth rates to be constant. It's also when good behaviour becomes the issue.

We can all agree, perhaps, that styles of discipline come & go & training kids or dogs to behave appropriately under different conditions takes the kind of commitment, dedication & consistency that's no longer fashionable & even if some do manage it, like the Waleses, there does come a time when all must agree that "kids must be left to be kids". It's all about what happens regarding learning what behaviour is or isn't acceptable in the home, or out of it & sadly, what happens in the home, doesn't necessarily stay in the home because we all must go out & about.

Reaching agreement around what iis acceptable or unacceptable behaviour, has become rather difficult in good times, which is when most adhere to the belief that we should all be free to do precisely as we please, but slightly easier when times are bad - there's not enough money to 'bribe' kids to be quiet or to go off & become someone else's problem - they are the ones who've given larger families & children generally, a bad name when they venture forth into public spaces, their 'minders' seemingly nowhere in sight. Mentioning the Waleses also made me consider, when I was a new mother, whether child-rearing had become a matter of class & that rules around good behaviour v. bad haden't changed much at all, depending on your social & financial status.

Ultimately everything, including how our kids will behave, depends on our values & interests & that includes the values we allow to filter into our cultural & communal spheres. It's also become too easy to argue, today, in certain circles, that the offended parties' reaction is more about them, not you, so show them the finger & move on, swiftly. But once we're out in public, we all really do become each other's problem, so we should try to be more considerate of others & accept that they definitely won't see us or our loved ones, including our pets, in the same way we do.

I had my DD in my early twenties and I remember when she was a toddler DP and I took her and my younger sister to a park and we set up badminton. We were having a really great time. Three middle aged mothers were sat on a bench near to us while their children playing and they knew I could hear every word of their conversation. They were talking about issues they were having with a mum at the school who was “a young mum” and knowing I could hear them they were saying things like “It’s always the young mums” and stuff similar that I can’t remember. The main mum who seemed to be the most offended I even turned at one point to get a dirty stare. I didn’t say anything but I’ve never felt so unwelcome and judged and it gave me a massive insecurity about the fact I was a younger mum and that other mums wouldn’t like me for it.

We can expect other mums to be accepting, caring and non judgmental because we feel like we’re all on the same journey right? We sometimes expect a sort of sisterhood in motherhood. It’s not always there and some mums are judgemental, rude and unwelcoming. So if they judge you for how many kids you’ve got along with you then that’s their problem, not yours. I would honestly try and take as little notice as possible. You’re busy making great memories with your family.

BIODIVERSITY
The diversity of life on Earth is essential to the health of our planet and to our wellbeing as human beings. But nature is under pressure as never before. Our needs for food, water and land, and our demands for energy and more and more stuff are destroying habitats, polluting our air and water, and driving species of animals and plants to extinction. We are now losing biodiversity up to ten thousand times faster than it was disappearing 100 years ago.
We are in a bottleneck of overpopulation and wasteful consumption that could push half of Earth’s species to extinction in this century.”
– E.O Wilson

In May 2019, the Intergovernmental Science Policy platform on Biodiversity and Ecosystem Services (IPBES), released its global assessment, identifying the major threats to biodiversity worldwide. It explicitly noted that human population growth is an indirect driver of biodiversity loss and stated:
…changes to the direct drivers of nature deterioration cannot be achieved without transformative change that simultaneously addresses the indirect drivers.”
DIVERSITY IS KEY
Healthy ecosystems, interdependent webs of living organisms and their physical environment, are vital to all life on Earth. Our ecosystems provide us with clean air, fresh water, food, resources and medicine.
Biodiversity, the variation of life on Earth, is a major factor in nature’s resilience. In a biodiverse ecosystem, if the environment changes and some organisms can no longer thrive, others can take their place and fulfill essential functions. It is often the most overlooked species that are the most important to healthy ecosystems. Insects, for example, play an essential role in pollinating flowering plants — a third of the food we eat depends on animal pollinators.
Read our report, Vanishing Icons: How population growth is driving our most loved animals to extinction, which takes a look at six iconic species, and shows how our actions and numbers are threatening the natural world.
The good news is that there are positive, ethical solutions to address the impact of population on biodiversity loss known as Population Health Environment (PHE).
Help support PHE as a solution to solve the biodiversity crisis.
Human population and extinctions
THE SIXTH MASS EXTINCTION
Since life appeared on Earth, there have been several mass extinctions in which many species were wiped out because of catastrophic climate change, volcanic activity, the impact of an asteroid or other reasons we have not yet discovered.
The plants and animals which currently live on Earth have continued to evolve over the 65 million years since the last mass extinction. However, many scientists consider the huge reduction in biodiversity since the emergence of humans is now on the scale of another mass extinction. This is known as the Anthropocene extinction or sixth mass extinction.
WWF’s Living Planet Report 2024 estimates that we have lost 73% of all vertebrate wildlife populations since 1970. That’s more than half of all birds, mammals, reptiles, amphibians and fish gone in just 50 years. During that time, our population has more than doubled, increasing from 3.7 billion to over 8.1 billion today. Invertebrates, while understudied, aren’t faring any better. A German study found that flying insect populations (including pollinators) have crashed by three-quarters since 1989, reflecting similar trends around the world.
In its landmark 2019 report, IPBES reported that one million species are now at risk of disappearing for good and according to the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species, 41% of amphibians, 25% of mammals, 34% of conifers, 13% of birds, 31% of sharks and rays, 33% of reef-building corals, and 27% of crustaceans are threatened with extinction.

Some countries are worse off than others. The 2023 State of Nature report concluded that the United Kingdom was one of the most nature-depleted countries in the world.

THE DRIVERS OF EXTINCTIONS
Since 1970, trends in agricultural production, fish harvest, bioenergy production and harvest of materials have increased, in response to population growth, rising demand and technological development. This has come at a steep price, which has been unequally distributed within and across countries.
Intergovernmental Science-Policy Platform on Biodiversity and Ecosystems Services, 2019
Biodiversity loss is attributable to several causes but by far the biggest culprits are habitat destruction and overexploitation of species, driven by our exploding numbers and unsustainable consumption.
HABITAT DESTRUCTION
Ever more people need ever more space. Damaging human activity continues to encroach on natural environments, thereby destroying the habitats of countless species. As our numbers rise, cities, infrastructure and cropland (see ‘Agricultural Intensification’ below) are growing and merging into each other, fragmenting the remaining habitat and leaving isolated “islands” of natural populations of plants and animals too small to survive. According to IPBES, only one-quarter of land areas and one-third of oceans remain relatively undamaged by human activity.

OVEREXPLOITATION
Ever more people need ever more things. Humankind’s relentless consumption of resources such as timber, oil and minerals is continuing to destroy natural habitats around the globe. We are also putting enormous pressure on populations of wild species, both by bushmeat hunting in the developing world and by large-scale industrial fishing in our seas. Wildlife poaching and trafficking still present a huge threat to many species, including rhinos, tigers and pangolins.

CLIMATE CHANGE
Ever more people produce ever more climate emissions. Our planet is on the verge of a climate crisis due to our endless production of greenhouse gases including carbon dioxide and methane. We are headed for a 3-4 °C warmer world by the end of the century if nations’ current climate ambitions are delivered on. We are already seeing species decline due to global temperature increase. Every half a degree of warming has a huge knock-on effect on ecosystems, with mobile species running out of areas to migrate to and temperature-sensitive organisms like corals undergoing massive die-offs. When keystone species like reef-building corals disappear, the rich and complex ecosystems they support collapse as well.

POLLUTION
Ever more people produce ever more waste and pollution. As populations increase, the disposal of waste from households, agriculture and industry, becomes an increasingly serious issue. Our oceans are becoming choked with plastic waste which is killing millions of animals, from sea turtles to whales. The Ellen MacArthur Foundation estimates that by 2050, there will be more plastic than fish in the sea. As well as affecting the lives of humans, noise, light and chemical pollution all damage the health of wild species.

AGRICULTURAL INTENSIFICATION
Ever more people need ever more food. Agriculture deserves a special mention here as it is a primary driver of habitat destruction, climate change and pollution. Agriculture takes up 50% of all habitable land on Earth, 80% of extinction threats to mammal and bird species are due to agriculture, and our modern food systemsare also the biggest contributor to climate change, responsible for around a third of all greenhouse gas emissions, with more than half of these coming from animal agriculture. In order to meet the unsustainable consumption patterns of the Global North and feed our huge population, humanity has developed agricultural systems which rely on monocultures, artificial fertilisers and pesticides. Monocultures are increasingly susceptible to disease so require widespread pesticide use which destroys insect populations. Intensive farming leads to soil depletion and runoff from farms pollutes water bodies and causes harmful algal blooms and the collapse of fish stocks.

INVASIVE SPECIES
Ever more people means ever more travel. Human travel across the world has a very large emissions footprint but it has also allowed the spread of invasive species, both accidental and intentional. As a consequence of the introduction of non-native species to some areas, such as rabbits and cats in Australia, goats on St. Helena, and American mink in Great Britain, we have put many vulnerable ecosystems at risk, threatening native species and diminishing biodiversity.

PROTECT BIODIVERSITY
The Kunming-Montreal Global Biodiversity Framework (GBF) is an international treaty signed by almost 200 countries, including the UK, which sets out an ambitious plan to half and reverse biodiversity loss by 2030.
The UK government has announced measures to support the Global Biodiversity Framework.
However, there is one effective solution that the UK government has neglected to include in any of its policies to prevent or reverse biodiversity loss – the inclusion of Population Health Environment (PHE).
JOIN US
Support our campaign to promote PHE as a vital solution to the biodiversity crisis here.
Find out more about the positive benefits of PHE here.
TEST YOUR KNOWLEDGE ON BIODIVERSITY!

TAKE THE QUIZ
How much do you know about biodiversity and how it is impacted by human activity? Take our quiz to find out.
READ OUR LATEST BIODIVERSITY NEWS
BIODIVERSITY NEWS
You can find all the latest updates on this topic at the link below.
SHARE
TWEET
POST
RELATED CONTENT
HUMAN-CAUSED MASS EXTINCTION STILL ACCELERATING
A new analysis shows the sixth mass extinction is accelerating, with more than 500 vertebrate species at risk of becoming extinct in less than 20 years – as many as…
WHAT IS POPULATION, HEALTH, ENVIRONMENT?
Population Health Environment (PHE) is an integrated approach to environmental conservation, family planning, and sustainable development. Find out more about PHE and join our campaign.
ASK YOUR POLITICAL REPRESENTATIVES TO HELP CURB BIODIVERSITY LOSS
Population Health Environment (PHE) has been proven to have better results than single sector projects, however it has been neglected as an approach by the UK government. We need your help to get PHE higher up the agenda.
NEWSLETTER
Do you want to find out more about our important work? Sign up to our newsletter to keep up to date with all things population and consumption.
SIGN UP
JOBS
GOVERNANCE
PRIVACY POLICY
TERMS OF USE
SITEMAP
DONATE
© 2025 Population Matters
Charity 1114109, Company 3019081.
The Chandlery, 50 Westminster Bridge Rd, London SE1 7QY, UK
Facebook
Bluesky
YouTube
Instagram

It’s more than double the average. Of course it’s a big family.

We have 3 DC and often have our niece during school breaks and have never had that reaction. Are yours playfighting or acting rowdy or something? You say they're excited, how are they showing it?
I can't imagine anyone reacting like that to children behaving normally and talking to eachother, but can if they're rushing around, pushing eachother, shouting instead of talking. Maybe reassess boundaries with them a bit, if their behaviour is bothering others regularly it's clearly not great even if youve become a bit immune to it.

I have 3 girls, the concern I would have with a group of boys, who were all friendly with each other, is how much physically stronger and bigger they are. Boys that age aren't usually aware of their strength when they are having a good time with their friends and family. All of my children have been knocked over/squashed by rambunctious boys, mostly the boys in question are entirely unaware. The ones who are usually apologise. One very kind Dutch boy, in Efteling theme park, felt so bad for knocking my youngest over that he brought her some sweets over to apologise.

Certainly my girls can be loud, and are no angels themselves at times, but they are all slightly built and have had enough experiences to leave them cautious around groups of boys. We pick up on that discomfort and move them along for their own safety.

🙄

I was just thinking that. My partner has 13 Aunties and Uncles and 28 1st Cousins. That's rural Ireland for you before the internet😀I think at those events seeing two large families getting out of a minibus to enjoy the experience together would make me happy.
Badly behaved children from families of any size are not good to be around but that doesn't have to be large families.
We don't hate large families, OP, and most don't. Some people are miserable. Leave them to it.

15 percent of women in Ireland who have decided to have children have 4 or more.
You are not automatically a bad parent for those choices.
You win the Internet for the stupid comment of the day, we'll done.

Totally agree, we brought my daughter to a soft play the other day and she got completely barged and trampled on by boys that the parents weren’t bothering to watch. I had to shout at them a lot. They are absolutely hateful - even the nice ones. No self-awareness at all, just like a lot of men. I’ve always felt unlucky in life but I guess I used up all my karma points only having girls - I’ll take it!

Being Irish doesn’t stop it being a bad parenting decision

@DirtyLouise I take it you meant this as a dig on people having large families? It would make things a bit clearer if you just your proper words instead of copy paste. Not only is it lazy but it's too long to read for this forum so I'd suggest you write "Why you shouldn't have a large family" and then give one phrase arguments per issue in bullet points to make it clear. You're welcome ! 😊

I’m not from a big family but I have friends that are and I often go out in big groups with lots of children (12). We’ve never had that reaction from anyone that I’ve noticed. If you’ve had 3 in a matter of days I would have to make the assumption the kids are making a lot more noise than you think and aren’t behaving particularly well. Yes you will always get judgemental people but 3 different groups and 3 different places says to me it’s something your group is doing to gauge this reaction.

The fact a grandmother felt her grand baby was so unsafe she had to pick the child up and move them says to me your kids weren’t being very sensible around smaller kids. If they were all walking nicely and chatting etc, she wouldn’t have any reason to act that way?

The other group moved away, which again says to me your group was being so obnoxious that they couldn’t stand to sit near you.

And then the other couple at the farm - may have just been a bit judgemental but I feel the same when I take my little boy to the zoo on a weekday and a school group turn up as you know they will all be pushing to the front to see the animals and your kid won’t get a look in and you’ll just be followed around all day by a group of loud excited kids.

I have 4 children and couldn't give a damn what anyone else thinks about it. We are a happy, loving family and our friends accept us completely.

AI or copy and paste?

I wouldn’t take it personally, it’s likely not your children specifically. I have one child and would probably move if seven kids plus parents came and sat by us, no offence it’s just a lot of people! More people = more noise generally, but again, not a direct insult to your family. In saying that someone did make a good point above, people's perceptions of their own family are very different to other people's but that’s not to say one is right and one is wrong!

Could you not have @ her rather than quoting that whole scree again?!

I agree with her points btw. Excess children is exceedingly irresponsible for the environment.

OP, the kids are clearly loud and annoying lol

I think it's just many people have had bad experience with a large group before and worry it will be the same. It's just another form of those words ending in ''ist', you know ageist, sexist etc., don't take it personally, if your kids are fairly well behaved you've nothing to worry about, just ignore them.