Why do people hate big families?

[FluffyPaw]

I have 4 children and my sister has 3 children. We often go out together in the holidays in DHs minibus.

Last week we went to the forest (national park, lots for kids to do). We pulled up and as we started getting out I noticed a couple who were sat on the grass with a toddler roll their eyes at each other. Another family started packing up and moved further away - making a scene of how put out they were. There was no bad language from us, no shouting - the kids were excited yes but no misbehaving. Did we really deserve such a frosty welcome?

yesterday we went to a farm - again clearly designed with kids in mind, huge play area, food to feed the animals, an area in the woods for kids to build dens - so not designed to be a quiet place by any means.

We pulled up and as we started walking towards the ticket office I saw a woman literally look us up and down and say to her husband “we timed this wrong”. He didn’t respond but didn’t look happy either. The kids were excited and chatting, again not misbehaving.

later we went to the play area and obviously the kids were excited and running. An older lady picked up who I assumed to be a grandchild and said “come on before you get knocked flying by this lot”. I nicely said to her “don’t worry, they won’t knock her over, they’re gentle with small children” and she literally blanked me and stormed off.

Why do people hate large families?? It’s really made me quite sad. Meant to be going to a stately home tomorrow and I’m already dreading it.

Yes this.

OP, I find it weird you’ve assumed they automatically think it’s a big family. I have zero kids but have been one of 2/3 adults in charge of 7 kids before who are not from the same family .

The issue (for some people) is the number of kids or the behaviour /noise levels of those kids.

I was in a hotel gym last year and some daft man left a bunch of out of control tweens and younger teens messing around in there while he popped out for the hotel breakfast . I have no idea if it was a family or a sports team/youth club etc but I was that close to reporting him as under 16s weren’t supposed to be unsupervised in there - luckily for him he re-entered just as I was about to .

My issue wasn’t about big families though - I don’t even know if they were a family. It makes no difference to me. All I know is that they were being a nuisance and were poorly supervised.

Seven children excitedly running around and chatting... can't imagine why people don't want to be surrounded by that.

Come on OP, surely you can understand that it’s not an objection to large families. It’s just seeing a large group arriving at the same time, knowing there’ll now be more competition for play equipment, space etc. It’s a bit like going to a restaurant and seeing that a table of 10 has just sat down and ordered 2 minutes before you. You know they’re going to make the restaurant noisier, and your food will take longer to arrive.

Parents who never think their child can do no wrong and make no effort to instil behaviour are the real issue here. Sets an expectation and a presumption in some that all children will be like that.

As for large families, I will judge dads who dump their wife or partner for younger women or are serially unfaithful. Jacob Rees-Mogg has six children, I will only object to his views on many issues. Whereas Boris Johnson I judge because of his behaviour and infidelity towards however many women he has had relationships with.

I have 5. Four boys and a girl. I've never had a reaction like that, ever. My children are exceptionally well behaved. I get stares, but when people realise my DS is severely disabled they get so awkward they can't look away quick enough! 😆

Maybe similar to me a few weeks ago, lovely seaside dine in fish and chip shop. DH and I having a lovely time and in shuffled around 10 pensioners with their walking frame on wheels things.

Peace and tranquility shattered with all the shouting once the hearing aides were off, I mentioned to DH I'm heading off for a quick pee mid meal as once all the pensioners need there will be a heck of a long queue 😆.

It's probably not that they are kids, it's just a larger group can slow everyone else down and get under your feet and a group of kids can feel like a gang especially if you are trying to take your one kid to the park and can't get on any of the swings etc.

I think you’re probably louder than you realise.

And I also don’t think it’s big families, just big groups. You were 7 children plus some parents, so 9-11 people? I think it makes sense to say “we arrived at the wrong time” if they were behind you in the queue. She should have been a bit quieter though.

Theres also a change in dynamic when a big group of children know each other at the playground. They’re absolutely not doing anything wrong by being there, but a handful of children who don’t know each other can be swamped by 7 who do and all play on equipment together. It’s different to 7 children who don’t know each other imo. But to be clear, I’m not saying that the children or the parents are doing anything wrong.

To me it's not different than being a bit annoyed by a large, noisy table at a restaurant.

Technically they're doing nothing wrong and enjoying it the same as everyone else, but they're louder and suck up more resources by being a bigger group - a table of two isn't calling down to a table of two ten feet away.

Same goes for friends using equipment at the gym - a group hog a few machines in sequence and you can't nip in and out quickly.

In playgrounds, a group of friends will often sit and monopolise some equipment for quite a while, whilst pairs of friends will move on more quickly.

It's a case where no one is doing anything wrong, but other people have a right to prefer otherwise.

Is your name Stacey? Because I have 5 children and never get this reaction, but the person I'm thinking of has 4 and the family are a nightmare, stick out like a sore thumb!

People don't hate large families. But large groups of children who came together to an attraction tend to take over space quite a bit - they'll dominate an area of the play equipment or similar and because there are more of them in a group they can seem like a gang to other children and it can be off putting.

Its nothing to do with 'large families' it would be exactly the same if 3 school mums arrived at an attraction together with their 7 children in a big group.

No one cares if you’re 2 big families. They don’t want to hang out with 7 kids b

It’ll be the noise factor. I say this as part of a big family. They all speak over each other trying to be heard - it’s not pleasant to be around. I need decompression time after being together with mine - much as I love them.

either that or they think your sister wives 😂

So, I have nothing against large families. One of my oldest friends has 9 DCs - 5 girls & 4 boys. However, what I have noticed over the years is adult friends turning up at places with a large number of children between them tend to sit themselves down in a quiet corner with a coffee having a lovely catch up whilst all 7 children run around pretty much unwatched.

2 parents with 7 DCs or a parent & a grandparent etc tend to take turns watching the children more closely.

I think it’s just proximity to a large group of noisy kids. You’re not doing anything wrong and neither are they unless they made rude comments.

If I arrived at an attraction at the same time as you I’d roll my eyes at being stuck behind a big group in the queue/all the way round, it’s not personal just mildly annoying. I’d move my picnic too for some extra space.

When I grew up the only families I knew with 4+ kids were all pretty feral though so that may colour my perception!

It's this: 'planning their next move'.

The group no doubt all go swarming onto the space together, playing a big game as a group, which is then quite excluding of other children nearby who feel outnumbered.

I'm sure your kids have a whale of a time, because they are the dominant group and can probably fairly hog play equipment etc, but it's probably not much fun for the 2 siblings who are on their own and dont feel they can come play on the pirate ship now because 7 children all in a group have taken over it.

There's an easy solution OP - don't do every single day trip as a group? Why not sometimes go on separate days out as a 4 and a 3. You don't need to go everywhere as a pack

People would have had the same reaction if it was the same sized group made up of only children. 7 kids plus parents is a pretty large group of people that will naturally make a fair bit of noise and take up a lot of space. Not everyone wants to be around that.

I don't have a problem with large families but I can imagine "herding' 7 kids involved a lot of cajoling and instructions, possibly being carried out at volume.
'Amy, get your coat on!'
'Jack, wait for the others'
'Jack, I said wait'
'Adam, you don't need that stick...'
You get the picture.

I have two and a step son, and I'm not hugely tolerant of a lot of children tbh 😂 I love my own obviously, and friends kids, but a massive group of kids I don't know I would swerve. You'll find it's likely pre emptive, you know that the kids are ok but others might think they're going to be naughty, loud, disruptive, etc, and they decide to move just in case

This, I'm mum of 2 boys, one with ADHD. I can tolerate really high noise levels daily. I get used to it. My friend who has very quiet and calm daughter needs ibuprofen for headache after an hour at our house...

@FluffyPaw I think there are some people out there who just get annoyed at the mere sight of you. They are not particularly rational or reasonable people and hold a lot of prejudices for whatever reason. They might have treated you arriving with a small family or just your DH the same way.

I’ve had that a couple of times when arriving at my airline seat with my 11 year old son, no other kids and the women sitting in the seats in front just glaring at me with total disdain when they first arrived. I’m like whaaaat? What did I do?? Do I smell? One of the women continued to act angry with me throughout the whole flight, leaning her seat back into my face and then waving her hand angrily when I awkwardly got up to go to the toilet. Sooo weird but then once I was off the plane, I never saw her again and that’s the way I like it.

I had 4 dc and honestly never experienced this. And of my 4 dc, 3 were boys and when young, often wore trackie bottoms (comfortable) and had buzz cuts (to avoid both nits and hair washing 😉), so we would have looked a bit 'chavvy' by some people's definition. And yet this never happened to us.

I'm thinking that your children are much louder/more boisterous than you realise. And 7 children plus adults all arriving at once, does change the vibe - all of a sudden the venue is busier, noisier!

I’ve always taken my niece and nephew along with my own 3 dc and people would assume we were one family. I only ever got nice comments and some curious people would ask if they were all mine or make the comments of having hands full and so on.
I never had negative comments or reactions.
Sorry you’ve been made to feel uncomfortable

We have 3, and often bring 2 more with us.

Never had this!

A school trip with 30 or more may evoke this reaction but seriously?

Yours must be really rough and/or loud to get that response from multiple families.

If true.

I have 5 children and haven't felt any prejudice. Quite the opposite, really.

I don’t mind big families, my dear friend has 4 kids under 8. Whilst I adore them I have avoided inviting them round since one of them decided to draw on my chair the last time they visited me. I’m not angry or upset about it, but I do think she has her hands full its impossible to have ones eyes in 4 places all at once.