To think if your child ends up violent or criminal, it is partly your fault?

[TheTaupeMoose]

Parenting does matter, sorry.

For heaven’s sake, how on earth would you know?

propensity to crime isn’t genetic. It’s not transmitted in mitochondria

Sometimes neglect or abuse can be a factor but I also believe that some people are just born psychopathic and grow up to do awful things through no fault of their parents.

Who ever says parenting doesn’t matter? 🤔

I’ve worked with multiple offenders and parental causation isn’t a component in assessment or treatment
Often,for perpetrator there’s trauma and social injustice eg poverty,discrimination etc
Looking to apportion blame isn’t as easy as blame the parents.
I’d say cast an eye on the systemic and social inequalities in our society. Consider why are so many offenders from lower socioeconomic groups?

My 4YO bites and scratches me if I say no.

How long am I being sent in for?

It’s always the parents fault.

I’m not claiming to know every situation - of course there are exceptions and life is complex. But I do think it’s fair to say that parenting does play a significant role in shaping behaviour, boundaries, and emotional regulation. It’s not about blaming parents for everything, it’s about acknowledging that the home environment and how children are raised can have a long-term impact, especially when it comes to things like violence or criminal choices. That doesn’t mean it’s only the parent’s fault but saying they have no influence? That feels just as unreasonable.

Ok,you’ve identified what you consider the problem.what you going to do about it?
whats your intervention? How do you measure its efficacy?

Fair point, most people would agree that parenting matters in general. But when it comes to serious outcomes, like a child becoming violent or criminal, there’s often a reluctance to suggest how they were raised might have played a role. People rush to blame “society,” peer pressure, or schools but rarely talk honestly about home life unless it’s extremely obvious. I just think we should be able to say that parenting can be a contributing factor without it being seen as heartless or oversimplified.

thorneyislanddoris · Today 21:56
It’s always the parents fault

If it’s the parents’ fault that a child grows up to be a violent criminal, then are parents also responsible if a child grows up to be a well-adjusted, high achiever?
If there’s a family of three children and one is a criminal but the other are law-abiding and hard working, then are the parents to be blamed for the criminal but praised for the two which are productive members of society?

If this were the case, the siblings of criminals and violent people would also always be violent for criminals.

They're not.

There have been a lot of psychological experiments designed to show that nearly everyone will harm other people given the right circumstances.

after the Second World War a lot of people wanted to believe that the holocaust could have only happened in Germany and that people in other countries wouldn’t harm others

the famous one is the milgram experiment but there were plenty of others - Zimbardo etc. it was a big research area in social psychology.

nearly everyone has the capability of committing violence. Most don’t.

But when it comes to serious outcomes, like a child becoming violent or criminal, there’s often a reluctance to suggest how they were raised might have played a role.

Nonsense. The offender's childhood and parenting is usually put forward as a mitigating factor before sentencing.

Also,criminal, is only attained when person is convicted What about folk never charged,caught?

I agree that trauma, poverty, and systemic inequality are major contributors - that’s undeniable. My point isn’t that parents are solely to blame or that we should ignore bigger societal forces. But I do think it’s reasonable to include parenting in the wider picture, especially in terms of emotional development, boundaries, and exposure to violence or neglect.

It’s not about pointing fingers but about recognising that early environments matter and parenting is a key part of that, even if it’s one piece of a much bigger puzzle.

Pre sentencing reports etc are exactly where upbringing, childhood ,mitigating factors are considered. We actively ask about childhood and potential triggers

I think this is very simplistic. You are ignoring the influence of school, classmates, neighbours, peers, tv/films, video games, mass media, social media, poverty, job prospects, social mobility, access to education/sports/hobbies....

Ok,so what’s your solution
Hows it implemented?
Hows it funded?
Hows it staffed?
what sanctions (if any) do you apply to parents?

Hopefully just a short stint… maybe time off for good parenting behaviour?

Honestly though, I think most people know the difference between normal early childhood behaviour (toddlers test boundaries, of course they do!) and the kind of consistent, long-term issues that can lead to bigger problems later on. My post wasn’t aimed at people dealing with the chaos of a 4yo having a meltdown - more about situations where harmful behaviour is repeated, ignored, or even modelled at home over time.

Ime not by deliberate choices but bad choices...
My dc committed crimes I absolutely do blame myself for...
We both have to live with the choices we made..

I don’t agree, parenting can be blamed , I have a sibling who was brought up in the same house as me, with the same rules and same parenting, that sibling has been arrested many time for , we will call it petty crime and been to court due to it.

I have never been in trouble with police , never plan to be and can follow rules whereas my sibling can’t.

If you looked at the parenting of the offender, would you also then look at the siblings of the offender and how they turned out?

People often say “I blame the parents” in those situations. It is over simplified and it’s a pointless unproductive comment most of the time. But you are free to say it. You can’t make everyone agree with you.

I don’t think pointing out that parenting can be a contributing factor in a child’s later behaviour means I need to have a fully costed intervention ready. The point is that in conversations about serious behavioural outcomes - like violence or criminal activity - parenting is often treated as off-limits or too “blamey” to mention. But acknowledging its influence is the first step in looking at solutions holistically, alongside trauma, poverty and social systems.

I’m not claiming to be a policymaker - I’m saying we shouldn’t be afraid to include parenting in the conversation just because it’s uncomfortable.