To think if your child ends up violent or criminal, it is partly your fault?

[TheTaupeMoose]

Parenting does matter, sorry.

I have taught this stuff at university and seen a lot in my field of work. The more I learn and the more I've seen, the less I blame parents. That's the stuff of the past.

It’s one of my worst fears, but I know that if it happened, I would hold myself ultimately responsible. What decent person wouldn’t?

So you contend that in every case where someone has committed violent or criminal acts, the parents always bear some responsibility?

Well, I suppose that is one way of letting everyone know you have never dealt with offenders in a professional capacity…

Many many people from dreadful homes lead perfectly law abiding lives. So I would say the converse should be true too.

One trait I've noticed in habitual criminals is that they deflect blame and responsibility and often see themselves as victims. It seems to be a fixed mindset.

Don’t agree with this. Your argument is more simplistic than your argument!

Each and everyone of us is flawed. I believe that parenting is an exercise in damage limitation, slate me those that will, to describe parenting as an exercise, but so be it. Say it in any other way!

We are all damaged and will damage, but to be conscious of this and to aim to limit and repair the damage should surely be a priority.

Agree

Yes I agree it’s tricky. I’m not advocating for some forensic-level intrusion into every family or for applying today’s standards to the past with no context.

And you’re right - there are plenty of parents who genuinely did their best, especially within the norms of the time and still had children who went on to make harmful choices. Life is messy and no one factor explains everything.

But I do think we sometimes overcorrect - we’re so afraid of “parent-blaming” that we leave parenting out of the picture entirely. And that’s a problem too. If we can acknowledge parenting as one thread in a complex web, not in a punitive way but as part of prevention and understanding then we’re being more honest.

So yes, I think we absolutely have to consider context, generational shifts and the difference between neglect and doing your best in difficult circumstances. But I also think there’s value in asking, with care, how much early guidance and emotional environment shape later outcomes.

Actually adhd makes you commit crimes and that’s genetic

How bizarre that therapy always goes back to childhood then unless there was a major event like a natural disaster or some sort.

Can I ask if you understand emotional abuse?

So true. It's ignorance, lack of experience and narrow world view.

There is a theory that ADHD is also a trauma response. Don't jump at me. Many trauma alter how the brain works (brain damage). Speaking as someone who was 'raised' by a narcissist mother.

I agree. Also I do believe that some of the most challenging mh conditions are genetic.

Yes, I experienced plenty of emotional abuse and have worked with plenty of it in my professional life. I didn't commit any crimes.

Therapy doesn't always go back to childhood. Some schools of thought stay in the present.

No
ADHD doesn’t cause criminality. It’s not a straight causation. ADHD doesn’t = criminality

No it's not a straight causation but a large percentage of the prison estates have adhd, is it 70%?

They are and we are learning that more than we knew is genetic. Epigenetics is an interesting field.

That’s not what I said and I’ve actually made a point of not making sweeping claims like “in every case.” I’ve said consistently that parenting is one contributing factor - not the sole cause, not always present, and certainly not an automatic assumption. But it is often a meaningful part of the wider picture and I don’t think we should shy away from acknowledging that.

You don’t need to have worked with offenders to notice patterns that come up again and again in both personal experiences and research. And asking what role early upbringing played isn’t the same as saying “the parents are to blame” - it’s just refusing to leave that piece out of the conversation.

My sister has absolutely catastrophic mental health issues. On the correct medication, she's fine, but without it she's paranoid, delusional, has auditory and visual hallucinations, and gets extremely violent. Before she got properly diagnosed, she was in constant trouble, couldn't hold down a job and could start a fight with an empty room.

Absolutely no parental fault there at all.

That’s a whole other statement and the ADHD isn’t causation of criminality
ADHD is a neurodevelopment disorder not a mental illness

The title of your thread suggests 'always'. As we learned on the very first day of university on our very first year - if you say 'always' or 'never', you're probably wrong.

ADHD, especially when undiagnosed, often leads to anxiety and depression.

I suppose you know that trauma lives in the body and nervous system and focusing on the present will never fully address that, especially if you continue that trauma in adulthood . It's better to face the reality of a shit childhood and move on from there.

See I was badly abused too. It didn't make me a criminal but I can see how just 10pc more abuse might have made a drug addict out of me or I would have had such major issues regulating that I might have become very violent.

Thats literally how it goes.

So you say many prisoners had a wonderful childhood with average parents?

Yes, ADHD is associated with anxiety and depression
However ADHD doesn’t cause criminality . It’s not cause and effect

You don't know that as you and your sister didn't have the same parents. I know you will come at me now, but as a sibling you have no idea and are probably biased or likely to carry some denial..it's incredibly difficult to recognise that your own parents may have played a part.

I don't work with the prison population and it's not an area I claim any expertise in.

The past is relevant but getting stuck in that doesn't help anyone move forward. It's most useful for understanding present patterns.

The reality is some kids are abused and do really well in life. Others are not abused and do badly. And a mix of all that.

I've also heard plenty of people say these things are the parents' fault and their little darlings will never have x issue because they have it so good, only to find out later their little darlings have x issue and maybe there are other factors at play after all.

I'm very interested in the field of epigenetics and I think that is going to contribute a lot of understanding these things more productively.