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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Babysitters

305 replies

YourPinkBeaker · 14/04/2025 22:02

I'll preface this by saying I don't think IABU.

Why do so many people trot out the 'hire a babysitter' line whenever people complain about parental burnout? Are people really doing this?

My child attends nursery and that feels difficult enough in terms of trusting strangers with my children - and that is with multiple trained professionals and widespread CCTV. Are people really finding strangers on the Internet and letting them into their homes to mind their children?!

I feel like our kids are young for such a short period of time and we can survive without an evening out together for a few years.

We have 0 childcare options outside of nursery, and until my kid is old enough to stay over with family (school aged/when they can consent and ask for sleepovers) my thinking is that we just don't get to go out and socialise together at night. That's the compromise I feel like we have to make. I just can't imagine farming my kid out to someone from a bloody website and given the judgemental takes on this site from people about daycare, I can't believe others are too. The only exception I couldnimagine is if your childminder offered babysitting services - outside of that rare option, are people really doing this?

OP posts:
Passmeaplacard · 14/04/2025 22:06

Some of the younger nursery staff will do babysitting so we’ve done that before but otherwise it’s only been close family members. Personally I wouldn’t want a babysitter as such until my daughter was a lot older

Carriemac · 14/04/2025 22:11

Id say the divorce rate from this odd thinking that you are the only person that can mind your child is very high.

BallerinaRadio · 14/04/2025 22:13

Babysitters have been used for decades, our kids aren't any more precious now than they were 20 years ago

OatFlatWhiteForMe · 14/04/2025 22:17

I think each to their own, if you don’t want to ask family to babysit or employ someone that’s your choice. It’s not reasonable to judge others though.

Original poster
YourPinkBeaker · 14/04/2025 22:18

Carriemac · 14/04/2025 22:11

Id say the divorce rate from this odd thinking that you are the only person that can mind your child is very high.

Parents being the only people to care for very young children is a weird idea? Really? I'm not talking forever - we have dates and will book AL when our child is at nursery. When she is old enough to understand being away from home (and we have family who feel able to babysit) we would be happy to let her be cared for. It would be different if we had close family who could offer regular care but we don't... I just don't think strangers are a viable option.

@BallerinaRadio really?! I don't know anyone who was babysat by anyone other than family and I don't know anyone who has used a paid.for babysitter

OP posts:
Original poster
YourPinkBeaker · 14/04/2025 22:19

OatFlatWhiteForMe · 14/04/2025 22:17

I think each to their own, if you don’t want to ask family to babysit or employ someone that’s your choice. It’s not reasonable to judge others though.

I'm not judging- I'm questioning how valid the line is and it gets trotted out constantly. I know.loads of people who get family.to babysit, but I've honestly never met anyone who has or would consider using a paid babysitting service.

OP posts:
Gymmum82 · 14/04/2025 22:20

When mine were very small one of the nursery workers would babysit.
Occasionally grandparents or aunties. Once they were school aged we used a teen from over the road.
Despite being sexually abused as a child I’ve never been anxious about leaving them with other people

Rollofrockandsand · 14/04/2025 22:21

I used paid babysitters from when my kids were tiny. Parents never did childcare. It’s utterly the norm where we are. I wanted and needed adult time and to go out. Kids appear to have survived unscathed. I was brought up the same way. We had a babysitter almost every Saturday night for as long as I can remember

boysmuminherts · 14/04/2025 22:21

We didn't have family babysitters but formed a little group with parents we met at baby group and sat for each other.

zaxxon · 14/04/2025 22:23

We always got friends' and neighbours ' teenagers to babysit, just as I was babysat by my parents' friends' teenagers in the 1970s and 80s. If they couldn't do it, they usually had a friend who could, so it worked well.

We only hired the more responsible teens, of course, with their parents just a phone call away in case of emergency. The non-responsible teens didn't tend to go in for babysitting!

Seachanger · 14/04/2025 22:26

My DH had no family at all and my family lived a long distance away. So the only nights out we got when my son was young was if it was somewhere suitable for him to come too.
I think we had one night out by ourselves omce when my parents were staying with us.
It never crossed our minds to hire a baby sitter. It wasn't ideal but we survived.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 14/04/2025 22:28

Lots of people use a teenage neighbour, or friends teenage DC.
Or a babysitting circle, where a group of Mum friends take it in turns to babysit for others in the circle.

Dollshousedolly · 14/04/2025 22:29

YourPinkBeaker · 14/04/2025 22:19

I'm not judging- I'm questioning how valid the line is and it gets trotted out constantly. I know.loads of people who get family.to babysit, but I've honestly never met anyone who has or would consider using a paid babysitting service.

Show quote history

We always used paid babysitters for our children. If we hadn’t we wouldn’t have been able to go out together as we have no close family living nearby. From memory, we wouldn’t have left a baby under six months with a babysitter. I was a SAHM and I also used paid babysitters if I needed to do something by myself during the day or bring one child to an appointment, etc.

Of course we could have survived without going out together but we may not have thrived.

CarpetKnees · 14/04/2025 22:31

Are people really finding strangers on the Internet and letting them into their homes to mind their children?!

No. You are being ridiculous.

We paid babysitters for years, because my parents died and my in laws wouldn't babysit. Otherwise we'd never have been able to go out.

Over many years we used:
Friends from Church
The teenager who lived next door
Colleagues
Babysitter recommended by friends
An older teen of another neighbour
The daughter of our first childminder - who had FAR more experience with babies than dh and I put together when our first was born
A cub Leader
A friend I'd known for years
(I'm sure there are others, but you get the drift - no, we aren't using random strangers. Such a daft thing to say.)

In the 60s, my Mum formed a babysitting circle where parents swapped babysitting favours (all done with tokens, so there was a balance to who asked for help and who gave it). I still called those ladies 'Aunty' until they passed away in their 80s and 90s.

Hankunamatata · 14/04/2025 22:32

Your using very emotive language 'farming my kids out'

Don't judge other people for doing somehtong you wouldn't do

CarpetKnees · 14/04/2025 22:32

Oh, forgot to say, Yes, YABVU.

Twinkletoes10 · 14/04/2025 22:32

The majority of parents nowadays are more precious about their dcs. Even though we have instant technology if something was to happen. Most though have no problem leaving them at daycare. Maybe it's because the daycare workers have qualifications and babysitters havent? I do both, I'm not an anxious parent though. And it would be older nieces who babysit for us. We've never had an issue.

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 14/04/2025 22:34

My retired friend babysits during the evening locally and is really busy. She was a childminder so has a good reputation which obviously helps.
It's definitely not as common as it was in the 90s when I was a teen.

Lj8893 · 14/04/2025 22:35

I’ve been a babysitter as a teen, and as an adult (extra money when I was a poor, mature student. I pretty much could have my pick of jobs every weekend, plenty of people hired me!
We are fortunate to have local DGPs who are happy to babysit but have used a friends teenage DD on the odd occasion we haven’t had DGPs available.

aylis · 14/04/2025 22:37

I've never 'hired a babysitter' in the way my mum had people we didn't know looking after us. It was more usual for local teenagers to babysit though and I imagine it still is in some places - I babysat a few times as a teenager. It's not the norm among people I know as a parent now though. The only people who have babysat my daughter is family and staff from her nursery.

SuperTrooper14 · 14/04/2025 22:39

Wow, hyperbole much? Finding a trusted someone to look after your child so you can enjoy a few hours out as a couple is not “farming” them out. It’s actually investing in the relationship which gave you children in the first place. Happy couples make happy parents. Why you see that as a bad thing is baffling.

OneFineDay13 · 14/04/2025 22:45

OatFlatWhiteForMe · 14/04/2025 22:17

I think each to their own, if you don’t want to ask family to babysit or employ someone that’s your choice. It’s not reasonable to judge others though.

Exactly this

Mandylovescandy · 14/04/2025 22:46

Usually use people we know (like family/friends/nursery workers etc) but have hired through an agency twice though in this case it was to look after DC on the same premises but while working

Psychologymam · 14/04/2025 22:47

Carriemac · 14/04/2025 22:11

Id say the divorce rate from this odd thinking that you are the only person that can mind your child is very high.

why do you suggest it is odd thinking? My social circle has no divorces and very few use babysitters - everyone seems to just have their parents or maybe a sibling that they rely on. I imagine it’s about having similar priorities to your partner and being quite family focused might mean less likely to divorce? I can see if one person wants to be out all the time and is happy to leave kids with less well known people and the other person isn’t this could cause issues, but I think in a lot of marriages people discuss their approaches to children before they have them.

Azaleahead · 14/04/2025 22:48

Yep, we used paid babysitters from a national site - all sitters had childcare backgrounds (and fully DBS checked) and we never once had a bad experience.
DC were fine - we of course ensured they were settled and happy before we left.
We have no family nearby and didn’t want to ask favours of friends as they were wrangling their own DC - and they all used the same site too.
I have been fairly robust in bringing up my DC and they are all well adjusted, independent, resilient, secure and happy. Correlation is not causation but I certainly don’t think paid babysitters did them any harm at all!