Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU? Babysitters

305 replies

YourPinkBeaker · 14/04/2025 22:02

I'll preface this by saying I don't think IABU.

Why do so many people trot out the 'hire a babysitter' line whenever people complain about parental burnout? Are people really doing this?

My child attends nursery and that feels difficult enough in terms of trusting strangers with my children - and that is with multiple trained professionals and widespread CCTV. Are people really finding strangers on the Internet and letting them into their homes to mind their children?!

I feel like our kids are young for such a short period of time and we can survive without an evening out together for a few years.

We have 0 childcare options outside of nursery, and until my kid is old enough to stay over with family (school aged/when they can consent and ask for sleepovers) my thinking is that we just don't get to go out and socialise together at night. That's the compromise I feel like we have to make. I just can't imagine farming my kid out to someone from a bloody website and given the judgemental takes on this site from people about daycare, I can't believe others are too. The only exception I couldnimagine is if your childminder offered babysitting services - outside of that rare option, are people really doing this?

OP posts:
Flutterbyby · 14/04/2025 22:48

When people complain that they never get away from their kids, what more sensible advice is there than get a babysitter and spend some time away from your kids?

It's not exactly rocket science, is it?

CloudPop · 14/04/2025 22:49

BallerinaRadio · 14/04/2025 22:13

Babysitters have been used for decades, our kids aren't any more precious now than they were 20 years ago

💯 seriously - we left our young children with trusted teenagers who were able to contact us - no problems at all

Lottie6712 · 14/04/2025 22:49

It's very common where we are to ask nursery staff to babysit... I really value having time out with my husband. I did once have to find a "stranger" from a (reputable) babysitting website as I had a hospital appointment that just wouldn't work with a baby in tow... And it was fine!

Endofyear · 14/04/2025 22:51

I had babysitting jobs from about 13/14 and some of those were toddlers, not young babies though. We always had family to babysit when ours were young but plenty of my friends use paid babysitters - usually a responsible teen daughter of a friend that they know well.

brunettemic · 14/04/2025 22:52

School is going to be quite the eye opener for you. What will you do if DC doesn’t consent to school with all these strange people that probably got their jobs via a website?

KrisAkabusi · 14/04/2025 22:56

I was a teenage babysitter. I've had friends and friend's teenagers look after my kids. I've looked after their kids. It's not a horrifying thought. It's how occasional childcare has been managed for generations. You are massively overreacting to a) normal behaviour, b) how badly you think your children will do without you for a couple of hours and c) why you need your child's consent to leave them at home for a few hours. You're their parent, it is quite literally your job to make decisions for them.

MumbleBumbleAppleCrumble · 14/04/2025 22:56

It’s almost as if - by the way you are wording your (very emotive) question - that you don’t actually believe that anyone actually uses baby sitters, that this is all some elaborate hoax. That surely it can’t be true, as anyone doing something so dreadful as using a near stranger to look after their child would be a monster…

They do exist. People use them all the time. They can be neighbours, family friends, childminders, other parents, or people from babysitting apps and such.

From the lack of regular news and media coverage of murderous and abusive baby sitters, I would even go so far as to suggest that it might be even safer than sending your children to (thinking of places that do regularly appear in the news after abuse scandals…) schools, nurseries, clubs, the church, family and friends… and I’d certainly not advocate avoiding sending your children to any of those (well perhaps not the church).

There are risks in everything we do from crossing the road or carrying a child down the stairs, to trusting others with our children. Of course we want to do everything we can to protect them, but we also need to bring up children who aren’t gibbering wreaks who jump at their own shadows, and we, as parents, also need to protect our own wellbeing and sanity and that of our partners.

It is, of course, your choice as to whether you use them. If you are nervous, but want to try, I would suggest asking other parents and the nursery for recommendations as that’s a far better place to start than the internet.

I would also suggest that in future when you raise questions here, and certainly to anyone in person, that you try to limit the judgemental attacks on those that dare think or act differently to you. Difference of opinion and in ways of doing something makes for a wonderfully rich and interesting world and it also is the way that (if we ask, listen and limit our prejudice as much as we can) we can learn and grow and find help.

NeedSomeComfy · 14/04/2025 22:57

"Until my kid is old enough to stay over with family (school aged/when they can consent and ask for sleepovers)" is a very odd line. You think that a grandmother looking after a young child for a night if the child hasn't explicitly asked for it is somehow violating their consent? Babies and children are legally incapable of giving consent until a certain age for a reason, because they do not have the cognitive capacity to make conscious and appropriate decisions for their wellbeing.

MojoMoon · 14/04/2025 22:58

I babysat as a teen and all the children survived and didn't seem mentally scarred by it.

In those days, it was more word of mouth. I babysat for friends of my aunt, then some neighbours and then when I saw an advert for a regular once a week after school babysitter when I was 16, I had some references to show.

People aren't just recruiting total randoms off the internet - they will be doing their due diligence and checking references, qualifications etc. Often the goal is to find someone you can use repeatedly so often people invest in paying them to come for a couple of hours while the parents are there to introduce them to the kids and observe them in action.

And as a reminder, the vast majority of children who are abused are abused by members of their own family so it's not like leaving them with relatives is risk free.

PercyPigInAWig · 14/04/2025 22:58

We don’t use paid babysitters because quite honestly it has never worked out (yet, I live in hope). We have a fantastic childminder who does not do babysitting as she has her own family. We have trialled a few babysitters so as not to leave DC with strangers and some of the things they have done or said while we are there meant we chose not to go ahead and leave DC with them. I have a relative who can look after DC every few months. I would love more time with DH but it’s not happening for the foreseeable. In my NCT group there is an occasional shout out for a babysitter and some of them happily leave their DC with a babysitter previously unknown to them if one of the others has used them. I just can’t imagine doing that.

On here when people go to a wedding or event far from home and just hire an babysitter in whatever location it is in I do question their judgement. I also know my DC wouldn’t like it.

As children we weren’t left with unrelated beabysitters, but then my parents had lots of babysitters to go round.

bananaramaisdabomb · 14/04/2025 23:00

We had a bank of lovely teenagers who babysat when ours were young. Most of them were the children of friends, one or two were neighbours. It was entirely normal, and our kids loved the “big kids” (usually 16/17/18 year olds) who would look after them, seeing them as special, exciting and cool.

HungryForSnacks · 14/04/2025 23:00

I think it’s easy to judge when you only have one child so the sacrifice of not going out is ‘just a few years’.

If you have 2+ kids, then by your logic it’s completely reasonable to not have an evening out with your partner/husband for possibly 10+ years…

AlisounOfBath · 14/04/2025 23:02

I wouldn’t have left my babies with anyone but DGMs. Toddlers to young child age and beyond? Absolutely! The nice 16/17 year olds down the road whose mum I know well, the teenage daughter of the local vicar - all nice responsible kids and we went out for a couple of hours locally, so not far to return in a crisis! We also made sure their mums were at home that evening too, in case of an emergency.

This level of anxiety is not healthy OP.

Gattopardo · 14/04/2025 23:02

YourPinkBeaker · 14/04/2025 22:02

I'll preface this by saying I don't think IABU.

Why do so many people trot out the 'hire a babysitter' line whenever people complain about parental burnout? Are people really doing this?

My child attends nursery and that feels difficult enough in terms of trusting strangers with my children - and that is with multiple trained professionals and widespread CCTV. Are people really finding strangers on the Internet and letting them into their homes to mind their children?!

I feel like our kids are young for such a short period of time and we can survive without an evening out together for a few years.

We have 0 childcare options outside of nursery, and until my kid is old enough to stay over with family (school aged/when they can consent and ask for sleepovers) my thinking is that we just don't get to go out and socialise together at night. That's the compromise I feel like we have to make. I just can't imagine farming my kid out to someone from a bloody website and given the judgemental takes on this site from people about daycare, I can't believe others are too. The only exception I couldnimagine is if your childminder offered babysitting services - outside of that rare option, are people really doing this?

No brownie points for wearing a hair shirt: lots of people have trusted babysitters either paid or family to draw on. There’s nothing intrinsically great about never going out as a couple.

if you leave it till your child is in school there is a high likelihood you’ll have got out of the habit of ever going out together just the two of you.

OneFineDay13 · 14/04/2025 23:06

Never really heard anyone trot out that line to be honest . I don't get why your so het up about it

Beautifulweeds · 14/04/2025 23:07

Same here, no help so we did use a babysitter for rare nights out, a gorgeous girl who we knew well.

Had to make sure DC was in bed but later on she was more than able to put to bed.

At any moment we could be contacted of needed.

Some people are so lucky to have family to look after DC overnight. Only option for us who don't is to pay for a babysitter

muggart · 14/04/2025 23:08

I hire random people off the internet to play with my toddler (never men, always females in their late teens or early 20s) and don’t do any vetting whatsoever BUT I don’t leave the house while they are here, i just use that time as “me time” to do my hobby and have some downtime with my baby without having to deal with 2 kids at once. It’s honestly amazing for stopping burnout and I find a few hours of peace and quiet more restorative than going out for dinner. i can usually hear them giggling together and bashing on tambourines from the sitting room.

No doubt the babysitters all probably think I’m weird for hiring them and not leaving the house but I love it.

Nanny0gg · 14/04/2025 23:08

YourPinkBeaker · 14/04/2025 22:19

I'm not judging- I'm questioning how valid the line is and it gets trotted out constantly. I know.loads of people who get family.to babysit, but I've honestly never met anyone who has or would consider using a paid babysitting service.

Back in the day there were babysitting circles where you could ask friends or neighbours to babysit and pay tokens which they would use when they needed a babysitter
Otherwise you would never ever go out. And that's not healthy

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 14/04/2025 23:08

100000s of parents used the daughters (usually) of friends as babysitters.
Of course, that was before the whole madness that is parenting today, where if someone tries to interact with their child, they are on the phone to the police or on MN.
Obviously not everyone, but good grief, the almost hysterical attitude of 'no one can look aftr my child in case they are a muderer/rapist, is nuts.
Granted, using a website is not a route most would take, but someone you know? Why not

MumbleBumbleAppleCrumble · 14/04/2025 23:09

Psychologymam · 14/04/2025 22:47

why do you suggest it is odd thinking? My social circle has no divorces and very few use babysitters - everyone seems to just have their parents or maybe a sibling that they rely on. I imagine it’s about having similar priorities to your partner and being quite family focused might mean less likely to divorce? I can see if one person wants to be out all the time and is happy to leave kids with less well known people and the other person isn’t this could cause issues, but I think in a lot of marriages people discuss their approaches to children before they have them.

And you and your friends are incredibly lucky to have parents and siblings (close by/ still alive/ still capable/ willing) to be able to do that. Having such things is wonderful, judging others because they don’t or choose to do something different is less wonderful.

MojoMoon · 14/04/2025 23:10

Where I live (London), it is common not have grandparents nearby - or even in the same country - so a mix of paid for childcare and friendship groups trading favours is common.

Babysitting circles are quite common here as a result, at least in my demographic. Often stemming from ante natal groups where the parents have made friends.

It's important to have backup - medical emergencies, illnesses, hospital appointments that run late or travel meltdown means issues getting back from work. I'm registered as a permitted person to pick up a friends' kids from their primary school for example. It's not happened yet but it is the sort of thing that needs organising in advance rather than in the moment of crisis.

CillaDog · 14/04/2025 23:11

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I would never leave my LO with anyone overnight, and so far they have spent a few hours (7-9/10) with grandparents when we’ve had dinner/work/weddings, but I would never leave them with a babysitter. The most I’d consider would be the girls from nursery as I know they do sometimes babysit, but not until 4 at the earliest. I also work with children and young people, and knowing that the biggest risk in terms of abuse is from people they know I just wouldn’t feel comfortable asking a friends teenager, or a cousin, or something. It just sits uneasy with me personally.

I say this as someone who spent 16-22ish babysitting for friends, family and local children. I think I was responsible and never had any issues, but had something happened like a fire, I’m not sure I’d have coped.

I find it hard to feel comfortable with someone I don’t know looking after my LO.

Silsatrip · 14/04/2025 23:12

Yes, we really do hire babysitters occasionally. Not strangers, but neighbours who we know for years.

MumbleBumbleAppleCrumble · 14/04/2025 23:14

muggart · 14/04/2025 23:08

I hire random people off the internet to play with my toddler (never men, always females in their late teens or early 20s) and don’t do any vetting whatsoever BUT I don’t leave the house while they are here, i just use that time as “me time” to do my hobby and have some downtime with my baby without having to deal with 2 kids at once. It’s honestly amazing for stopping burnout and I find a few hours of peace and quiet more restorative than going out for dinner. i can usually hear them giggling together and bashing on tambourines from the sitting room.

No doubt the babysitters all probably think I’m weird for hiring them and not leaving the house but I love it.

What a fabulous idea!!! My partner and I have twice taken days off from work on nursery days to either do something fun or get on with household jobs. Once it worked and the other time we got a call from the nursery about an hour in to say our DD was ill and could we collect her (weep!)
Your idea is completely brilliant and I’m definitely going to do it! Thank you!!!

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 14/04/2025 23:16

Do you have any friends with young children who might do reciprocal babysitting for you?

Swipe left for the next trending thread