AIBU? Babysitters

[YourPinkBeaker]

I'll preface this by saying I don't think IABU.

Why do so many people trot out the 'hire a babysitter' line whenever people complain about parental burnout? Are people really doing this?

My child attends nursery and that feels difficult enough in terms of trusting strangers with my children - and that is with multiple trained professionals and widespread CCTV. Are people really finding strangers on the Internet and letting them into their homes to mind their children?!

I feel like our kids are young for such a short period of time and we can survive without an evening out together for a few years.

We have 0 childcare options outside of nursery, and until my kid is old enough to stay over with family (school aged/when they can consent and ask for sleepovers) my thinking is that we just don't get to go out and socialise together at night. That's the compromise I feel like we have to make. I just can't imagine farming my kid out to someone from a bloody website and given the judgemental takes on this site from people about daycare, I can't believe others are too. The only exception I couldnimagine is if your childminder offered babysitting services - outside of that rare option, are people really doing this?

Agree op. We’ve never hired a babysitter and only have my mum who isn’t a regular option.

So you're questioning the existence of paid-for babysitting?

I can confirm it does exist and is widely used.

For example, look at Bubble, this is their entire business model. You also have babysitting services at hotels. Kids Clubs. There is a well established and well used childcare industry out there.

Older kids of my local friends baby sat many times over the years. I’m a lone parent, no family nearby, I wanted to go out now and again.
No farming was involved!

I'm chuckling my head off at the mumsnet hyperbole taking hold over this thread. A few clarifications -

I should have specified that I've heard of family and close friends babysitting. That is obviously very normal.

I am not obsessed with my child one bit. I actually just entered parenthood knowing that i was giving up certain privileges for a little while. Yes, it's hard, but it's temporary. I feel like it's my job to look after my kid.

Howling at the suggestion I'll find school difficult. Nah, aside from the usual anxiety that parents have I'll be fine, given my little one goes to nursery already.

My question was literally about the idea of 'hiring a sitter', as I've seen it get trotted out repeatedly on here as though it's totally normal to just expect your small.children to settle with a complete stranger who they don't know. I can see there's no consensus on this aspect of childcare, though it is used.

I stand by that I do not know a single person who has ever used a babysitting service IRL, and all of my friends have small children and would be a bit "eh?!?!?" at the thought.

My toddler is 18m and has been looked after by GP about 5 times, that's the extent of childcare. We only have one living set o GPs and they are busy and we (in the spirit of mumsnet!!!!!!!!!) don't expect them to give up their downtime to look after our child, that's our job. When they've wanted to, we've obliged. None of our extended family have ever offered and they wouldn't be able to really, and the only friends who would be able to manage a crazy toddler have kids of their own and wouldn't be able to unless in an emergency. I really don't feel that this is that odd?

We used paid babysitters, but not complete strangers - usually the teenage daughters of our friends and neighbours. Similarly my now teen DC have done a bit of babysitting for our friends' younger children (and I used to do the same myself when I was a teen).

You’re being totally unreasonable - because you’re drawing this arbitrary line that says it’s perfectly fine and sensible for people to use one kind of babysitting (the sorts you do) but not any others.

You mention taking annual leave while
your child is at nursery. That’s an equivalent. Not everyone gets the luxury of that option.

You mention 5 grandparent babysits for an 18 month old. If we assume none of those were in the first 4 months then that’s about one every 12 weeks. Great. You’re using babysitting regularly. Again, not everyone has that grandparent option.

Your child is also only 18 months old. That puts you in a different position to people with older children.

Some people do swaps with friends for babysitting. Some people use neighbours. Some people use someone else’s nanny. Some people use nursery staff. Some don’t. Some aren’t interested. For some who would otherwise be with their child 24/7 it can be a game changer. Much like the times you’ve used it or an equivalent have helped you.

Yeah, but his.

Most people I know are happy to have neighbour teens or nursery workers mind their kids. I mean, what do you think is going to happen??

I myself was babysitting, including infants, from age 14 onward, and that was back in pre mobile phone days. Nothing untoward happened.

It’s really unfair on the child to limit their world so stringently in the early years, too.

Surely it's just all about personal preference?
My kids are adult/very nearly adult now, and I have never used a babysitter. Completely my choice. What other people choose to do never crossed my mind!

I personally wouldn’t use a babysitter, no. However, I have my Mum living 10 minutes away.

I also wouldn’t sacrifice date nights with my husband though (minimum once a month for us). I think it is really beneficial for your marriage to go out together without the children from as young as possible. It is lovely being able to chat properly without being interrupted, we have a lot of fun, relax and laugh more.

So in your situation, I would prefer to ask a trusted friend (you could try and set up a reciprocal babysitting system with another couple with children of a similar age).

OP, a sitter from sitters.co.uk will have a DBS check, and usually first aid qualifications and nursery or teacher qualifications. Your parents or friends will not. I know which I'd prefer.

You've had loads of babysitting help so far (5 times from GPs), that's great, it sounds like you don't really need other sitters. If you want to keep using family, by all means, do. I'll be over here using trained childcare professionals, you do you. If your daughter was fine being minded by childcare professionals (who were - horror - STRANGERS) at nursery, then why would you think she wouldn't be fine minded by childcare professionals at home?

Two were in the first 5 weeks for deathbed visit and a funeral.

I feel like people are missing my point - this isn't about people watching your kids, if you have close trusted friends or family. Do it every day if you want!!! I'm not into playing top trumps of who has the least help, if I had the option of loads of help from friends and family, I'd absolutely take it!

It's about the idea of 'hiring a babysitter'. I do see that it's more common than I realised but I'm genuinely surprised that people are fine with leaving their children unsupervised with strangers.

A couple of other thoughts:

• You could both book a day’s annual leave to have a couple day out/lunch out whilst your child is at Nursery.
• Consider emergencies: even though I’m a SAHM, I was hospitalised very unexpectedly with a kidney infection. Could your DH alone cover those type of things?
• Also, when I went from 1 to 2 children, I very quickly realised I needed some flexible help (eg when 1 is extremely unwell but the other has to be at school legally). Both my elderly neighbour who I’ve known for 14 years and 2 other Mums on the school run have really helped me out (it took 4 other people to get my DS to and from school whilst my DD was isolating with shingles).

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I fully expected as a SAHM to cover everything myself, but have realised it is great for me and my children to get to know and trust other adults in our community 😊

I've tried to find a babysitter on sitters but there is none in my area.
We have no childcare outside of nursery and then school /.holiday club for my oldest. Every so often (I'm a teacher so get school hols off) I'll book my older one into a holiday club and put my little one in nursery, and my DH books annual leave so we can have a day together. That's about £100 in childcare just for a day out though, so an expensive way to date !
I'd love to find a babysitter.

Yet you send your child to nursery.

How is that any different?

Tell me this is your first child without telling me this is your first child,…🤦‍♀️

Not just one lone worker, cameras everywhere.

Yes, this is our first and only child.

Babysitting is totally normal. My DC were babysat by other parents we knew, neighbours and various local teenagers.

They in turn babysat. They haven't for several years now, but sometimes when they're home they'll run into someone they babysat and have a happy little chat.

Only once that I can remember did we use someone I didn't know - but they came well recommended, and that girl and her sister became regulars.

…you can set cameras up in your house if you want.

Not sure what being a lone worker has to do with anything. Childminders are lone workers.

Why would I want cameras all over my house?!

You have absolutely met many people who have or would consider using a paid babysitter service. Many many many people. You just haven't had that conversation with them

You say when she’s older you’ll ask family to babysit. Why not just ask them now?

I'm not sure how common hiring a babysitter is. There are two women in my area that I know of whose actual job is child minding. They do it for a living. Some people who drop their kids off will know them already and then others will start as strangers and presumably get to know them over time. But I'm not sure the lower age limit.

You can hire a babysitter, and not leave your child unsupervised with strangers.

e.g. your child minder, your nursery staff, your neighbours, your family friend, your gmail member who’s not financially in a position to do it for free, your child’s brownie leader etc.

I can’t speak to anywhere else but in London it’s very common to use Bubble or some other website/app and often grandparents don’t live near by.

As a childfree person I’m glad as otherwise I’d barely get to see my friends without their kids.

Just because you’ve personally never experienced something OP doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. You’re coming off as a bit judgy.

The comment about not being old enough to stay with family until they can consent to a sleepover is a bit weird, isn’t it? What’s that about?