AIBU? Babysitters

[YourPinkBeaker]

I'll preface this by saying I don't think IABU.

Why do so many people trot out the 'hire a babysitter' line whenever people complain about parental burnout? Are people really doing this?

My child attends nursery and that feels difficult enough in terms of trusting strangers with my children - and that is with multiple trained professionals and widespread CCTV. Are people really finding strangers on the Internet and letting them into their homes to mind their children?!

I feel like our kids are young for such a short period of time and we can survive without an evening out together for a few years.

We have 0 childcare options outside of nursery, and until my kid is old enough to stay over with family (school aged/when they can consent and ask for sleepovers) my thinking is that we just don't get to go out and socialise together at night. That's the compromise I feel like we have to make. I just can't imagine farming my kid out to someone from a bloody website and given the judgemental takes on this site from people about daycare, I can't believe others are too. The only exception I couldnimagine is if your childminder offered babysitting services - outside of that rare option, are people really doing this?

@YourPinkBeaker you’ve literally said in one of your previous posts … “and the only friends who would be able to manage a crazy toddler have kids of their own and wouldn't be able to unless in an emergency. ” - so you’re literally in the exact same position as @CarpetKnees (and many other mothers) so I don’t know why you’ve attacked her for her comment.

OP has asked a valid and reasonable question which has sparked quite a good debate I think. Everyone has a different situation. You’ve stated you have a toddler that still requires lots of settling overnight and that’s part of the reason you wouldn’t feel comfortable getting a babysitter until they’re older. Completely understandable. I also wouldn’t want my child waking up to someone they didn’t know well in the middle of the night especially if they woke up frequently and would only settle with bf. Personally I can be quite confident that most nights my child will be asleep from 7-7 so even though I’ve never done it, I wouldn’t have an issue with someone I’d booked online and vetted in person to come to my house for 5-6 hours whilst my child was asleep so I could enjoy an evening out, and Ofc they would call me as soon if any issues I’d be happy to down my vino and return home asap 🤣

It’s ok and actually more interesting for us all to have differing opinions. I’m hoping this thread will actually empower more people who are feeling burnout / struggling with parenting to get that babysitter - no matter how they source them

The few teens that work at DC's nursery are students and are always supervised. They are only there a few times a week too.

That is one Nursery.
I have experience of quite a lot more than one Nursery.

We’ve used nursery staff as babysitters - a lot of policies against it, but most do it if you ask on the down low at a pick up. It’s the only way I’ve been able to do it and now we have support as and where we need it (ad hoc nights out.) Usually only when the kids are in bed, but recently she put them to bed and it worked very well as they knew her and were super excited to see her. You could even pay for a few hours while you’re at home for her to come and play with them to ease your mind (and get them used to them) xx

You probably haven't experienced OP's DC's nursery though.

There's not much interaction if your kids are in bed. Its all a bit precious.

That’ll only be until they're qualified. Usually around 18 like I was

Of course. They have to start somewhere and they will still be around others who are older and with more experience.

There are several teens I’d trust to care for a small child above several adults. If I had a choice of leaving a small baby with my teenager or with many of my ex partners, the teenager would win every single time:

Being younger isn’t a guarantee of incompetence. Lots of young people are very responsible and self-reliant.

Absolutely right, but once qualified they are a member of staff so able to be left alone with the children as they are then insured to do so. So during the times when children filter in and outside during free choice, covering each others lunches etc

It's still different to me than a teen (usually younger than 18) solely babysitting a child.

We were lucky to have grandparents help if stuck when kids were younger but we only used them for weddings etc otherwise generally went out separately if we fancied a night out.

you seem to have a lot of help from grandparents which is great.

you say you think you should be the one to mind your kids and it’s something you sacrifice (for a short time) when you decided to have kids but yet say you would take more help if it was given?

I Don’t know anyone that would leave kids with a complete stranger off the internet as you say. But I know plenty who would hire local babysitter on recommendation or staff from Creche etc

I think people are annoyed but defensive of your post as the language you use is quite judgemental

I'd think driving your kid down the motorway would be more dangerous

Family members are a bigger risk.

Even more reason to use local babysitters then

Going on the motorway would probably be seen as unavoidable in lots of situations. Going for a night out isn't, in my opinion. Each to their own.

Absolutely. But you have to love someone judging others because of risks whilst engaging in riskier behaviour.

You never leave your child?

I used to babysit for a neighbour when i was a teenager some 30yrs ago. Kids were aged 1 to 5... It was normal stuff. Not sure what the issue is. Most instances of abuse are not from "strangers" and ultimately you wouldn't just pick a sitter from the street. Just like I didn't randomly choose our nanny...

Of course motorways are a choice

Of course you can avoid a motorway if you really want to. In fact, if you want to get even more ridiculous about it, you can even avoid travelling in a car altogether if you REALLY want to... and that's way more risky than a babysitter!

By the way, there are other reasons for people wanting a babysitter than a 'night out' you know...

Yes so judgement!

Has this really gone to driving on motorways????

This.

That was the same as a neighbour of mine. We asked on our street's WhatsApp group if anyone did babysitting, and a lady messaged me. She said she has two children slightly older than mine and she worked at the local primary school. We went out with all the kids togerher for some playdates, got to know each other, built up a relationship and then when we were all ready she babysat him. Now ahe is a friend as well as regular babysitter. So you could say she was a random stranger I sourced over social media.... but she's also now a babysitter/friend/neighbour we know and trust. In fact, we know her FAR better than any of the strangers we left the kids with when they were at nursery!

Do you really think “a night out” is the only reason people use a babysitter?