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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Engagement ring

473 replies

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 16:32

I got engaged to an man 18 months ago and was lucky enough to be in reciept of a nice engagement ring. Since then I have had a several friends make continual comments about the size of the ring.

My own mother could not believe someone would consider buying it for me, ‘it must be a family ring’. She said she felt her own engagement ring was spectacular but felt deflated upon seeing mines. Another friend just bursts out laughing every time she sees it. I had another one tell me it makes me look like a drag queen. One suggested I did not wear it to work - as it could make people uncomfortable (I ran this one past a couple of friends who said my ring was no more blingy than theirs and thought it was ridiculous).

These comments are from the same people who mocked me in various ways as a thirties single cat lady career woman. I swear they all thought I was ‘on the shelf’ and my only chance for success in romance would be to panic and marry the first man who asked me. In the end I did not panic at all and eventually met a lovely, man who matches me career wise, finacially and ambition wise. I met him through friends and it was all very natural.

The ring matches what we both could easily afford and is in no way ostentacious. I am honestly starting to think their reaction is more to do with the fact I got engaged at all, rather than the ring itself. Its fucking disappointing really that I feel people cannot be happy for me. I just feel instinctively people are trying to ‘burst my bubble’.

YANBU - These people are just jealous / have their own issues
YABU - You should not wear the engagement ring in public just the plain wedding band

OP posts:
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11
SockFluffInTheBath · 14/04/2025 16:36

It’s a very personal thing, and if you like that’s all that matters. Sounds like you need new people in your life though.

SummerInSun · 14/04/2025 16:38

The only correct response when someone shows you their engagement ring is “Congratulations, I’m so happy for you.” With possibly a friendly question about the wedding planning thrown in. Anyone who says anything else is either socially inept or mean spirited.

My only exception would be if your work a job where wearing rings is banned for OH&S reasons, eg operating dangerous machinery. That does not include typing!

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 16:38

One of the above told me she had plenty of rings like my engagement ring at home (OK) but she would never want to have one as her engagement ring. Again OK. I agree RE new people and its taken an engagement and a wedding for the claws to really come out. Have no idea how to start though in my early 40’s!

OP posts:
Dora26 · 14/04/2025 16:41

My mum would have called it “ the green eyed monster” - pure unadulterated jealousy! Wear it with attitude and enjoy.

SockFluffInTheBath · 14/04/2025 16:43

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 16:38

One of the above told me she had plenty of rings like my engagement ring at home (OK) but she would never want to have one as her engagement ring. Again OK. I agree RE new people and its taken an engagement and a wedding for the claws to really come out. Have no idea how to start though in my early 40’s!

What a needless thing to say.

You will find new people in time, admittedly it can take longer when we’re not in primary school anymore! Best to cut the dead and diseased out though before they infect you.

DownWhichOfLate · 14/04/2025 16:44

Let’s see it then!

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 16:45

Dora26 · 14/04/2025 16:41

My mum would have called it “ the green eyed monster” - pure unadulterated jealousy! Wear it with attitude and enjoy.

One of them was my Mum which makes it even worse

OP posts:
BethDuttonYeHaw · 14/04/2025 16:45

Your friends and mum are horrible.

Sunrise8888 · 14/04/2025 16:46

I think people commenting on your ring has nothing else to say other than silly comments so they’re better off saying nothing. The ring is a symbolism and the most important thing is you’ve met each other. I would not pay any attention to the comments. They are just rude and out of line.

Pandimoanymum · 14/04/2025 16:46

So they mocked you when you weren't engaged for being a single "cat" lady and "on the shelf" (which are sad dated stereotypes anyway) and now they're mocking you again.

And you say these people are friends?!
You very much need and deserve new ones.

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 14/04/2025 16:47

The only thing that matters is that YOU like it. Your friends are very rude. It may not be their taste, but you are not asking them to wear it.

ReesesCupcake · 14/04/2025 16:47

How odd. Not encountered this ring envy thing personally (either being jealous or being on the receiving end).

Is this a thing now?

Sad the people in your life can’t be happy for you and your beautiful ring.

Congratulations!

Let’s see the ring?!

WearyAuldWumman · 14/04/2025 16:47

They're jealous. Flaunt your ring and enjoy.

RhododendronFlowers · 14/04/2025 16:51

Have these people arrived in a time machine from 1954? Who on earth talks about women in those terms, and who on earth judges engagement rings?

Lascivious · 14/04/2025 16:54

I want to see the ring!

FairCat · 14/04/2025 17:10

You're mistaken OP, these comments could not come from friends. How can a ring make work people uncomfortable, where do you work, Mordor?
Congratulations on your engagement, enjoy every moment and be happy that your lovely ring has special powers - it detects 'friends' who are well past their dump-by date.

Seawolves · 14/04/2025 17:14

I think you need new friends!

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 14/04/2025 17:16

This is nuts! And soooo strange.

your mothers response in particular 😦
Alsocthose women aren't your real friends!!!

I want to see the ring!

Mine is 4 carats total (main stone 2 Carats) and I thought it was pretty whopping... I got zero comments beyond "that's nice" so I feel like we are talking a 6 / 8 carat ring or something crazy...

One friend literally has a mini egg sized engagement ring. I did suggest she wear it facing inwards in central london as there are a lot of targeted thefts...
I have told friends their imo revolting/ boring / tacky rings were lovely because they loved their rings and I loved them.

It wouldn't cost them anything to say "that's such a lovely ring! You are one lucky woman" or similar... your friends sound jealous of your good fortune don't make them bridesmaids!!!

Merryoldgoat · 14/04/2025 17:22

None of them sound very nice and I suspect that they’re jealous.

Unless your ring looks like this…

Engagement ring
Whatwaswrongwiththatusername · 14/04/2025 17:23

SockFluffInTheBath · 14/04/2025 16:43

What a needless thing to say.

You will find new people in time, admittedly it can take longer when we’re not in primary school anymore! Best to cut the dead and diseased out though before they infect you.

I’m thinking perhaps her current friends actually are still at primary school, judging by this…!

MattCauthon · 14/04/2025 17:24

So... you have a flashy, expensive engagement ring and people are giving you a hard time!? Bizarre and deeply inappropriate. Even if you hate someone's ring, surely th epolite thing is to say, "Lovely!"

GildedRage · 14/04/2025 17:25

Please love and enjoy it!
Engagement rings are too beautiful and valuable to remain tucked away 300 days a year.

Merryoldgoat · 14/04/2025 17:25

Lascivious · 14/04/2025 16:54

I want to see the ring!

Me too!

UrinalCake · 14/04/2025 17:32

People can be very odd.

Cesarina · 14/04/2025 17:33

Merryoldgoat · 14/04/2025 17:25

Me too!

And me!👀