Engagement ring

[mulberrybeige]

I got engaged to an man 18 months ago and was lucky enough to be in reciept of a nice engagement ring. Since then I have had a several friends make continual comments about the size of the ring.

My own mother could not believe someone would consider buying it for me, ‘it must be a family ring’. She said she felt her own engagement ring was spectacular but felt deflated upon seeing mines. Another friend just bursts out laughing every time she sees it. I had another one tell me it makes me look like a drag queen. One suggested I did not wear it to work - as it could make people uncomfortable (I ran this one past a couple of friends who said my ring was no more blingy than theirs and thought it was ridiculous).

These comments are from the same people who mocked me in various ways as a thirties single cat lady career woman. I swear they all thought I was ‘on the shelf’ and my only chance for success in romance would be to panic and marry the first man who asked me. In the end I did not panic at all and eventually met a lovely, man who matches me career wise, finacially and ambition wise. I met him through friends and it was all very natural.

The ring matches what we both could easily afford and is in no way ostentacious. I am honestly starting to think their reaction is more to do with the fact I got engaged at all, rather than the ring itself. Its fucking disappointing really that I feel people cannot be happy for me. I just feel instinctively people are trying to ‘burst my bubble’.

YANBU - These people are just jealous / have their own issues
YABU - You should not wear the engagement ring in public just the plain wedding band

YANBU. They're not friends. Friends don't drag you down.

Firstly your ring is a beautiful classic! Secondly, did you know there is a word to describe all this. Unfortunately I’ve suffered at its hands also, most depressingly from my own mother and sister. It’s called schadenfreude. A German word meaning damage-joy. It describes the pleasure of satisfaction derived from the misfortune of others. A common experience for many unfortunately though generally seen as a darker aspect of human nature. Your seemingly unfortunate love life was essentially these mean girls source of schadenfreude and now you’ve taken it away and are in a happier place, they obviously are struggling to adapt to this changed dynamic and clutching at anything related to it to cling onto the ability to make you feel bad, hence the derogatory comments of your ring. It’s like my sister when me Miss Mousy Housebound career girl 😅 became engaged she’d say things like “my friend can’t believe you’re engaged” lol. Anyway, your happiness still comes through and wishing you and your OH all the best!

It’s gorgeous, just ignore the nasty, jealous, idiots and wear it proudly. All the best for your future.

That's a lovely quality ring. All the negativity smacks of jealousy/envy. To quote Mr T "Pity the fools".

@mulberrybeige the only reasonable reaction is to turn up in matching earrings next time you see any of these people.

Congratulations 😁

Give us a photo of the ring please

Gorgeous ring! Elegant, classic and stylish.
Congratulations!

I agree with all the pps saying the nasty comments have come from people who pigeon-holed you and are jealous of all your successes.
Shame on your mother. How awful for you to have those remarks from someone who should always have your corner.
I hope moving forward you can distance yourself from all the negative comments and relationships.

It's certainly rude for friends to comment about the ring, but it IS a talking point sort of ring! If something costs the price of a small house, and looks like it costs exactly that much, I suppose people find it harder to be respectful and polite. 🙂

@Pandymoanymum

And you say these people are friends?!
You very much need and deserve new ones.

I agree totally - with friends like that who needs enemies? 😮

These comments are rude and ridiculous. The only thing anyone should ever say to an engaged person is, 'congratulations'. if they comment any more, you could try the Mumsnet,' Did you mean to be rude?'

I get the vibe this is a stealth bragging post.

The ring is obviously lovely, a big old solitaire is a timeless classic.

That's a classic/unexceptional style that shouldn't incite any level of jealousy, for the simple reason that its beauty rests in the stone (seeing as there's nothing else to it) which is a simple shape and could cost a huge amount of money or a lot less money depending on its quality, information which I can't believe anyone would share with a third party. The whole thing is a bit odd.

OP huge congratulations and the ring looks beautiful.

you started this and my first thought is that this is akin to an overweight person, one who has been bigger for a longish time, losing weight and friends saying they look ill. They don’t like you being the star of your own life. So screw them! Have fun, be in love and ignore them x

im sorry it’s your own mum too x

I cannot believe how common this is ! And Thank you for your reference to this I will look it up !

It seems like us single career girls who end up engaged are subjected to the same energy !

As long as you feel confident and safe wearing it, then enjoy it. Having had almost all my jewellery stolen in a burglary a few years ago, I am now more cautious. I had considered buying an expensive watch, but with so many people being mugged for jewellery, I did not want to suffer an injury from a mugging on the street or on public transport.

Congratulations!

I was expecting something completely different following your OP. I don't understand the comments on it - it looks like a normal engagement ring to me?! It's a classic!

Ignore them, they want to bring you down. Enjoy your engagement and I'd consider cutting some of these people out of your life.

I’m not sure I’d be comfortable wearing £143,000 on my finger, I’d be terrified of being mugged tbh, but I absolutely wouldn’t comment on someone else’s ring.
I say ‘congratulations…It’s stunning’ and ask about when they were thinking of setting the date.

Very rude of people to comment on something that is special to you.
When I was engaged I had a small, pretty ring as I was very petite and big rings wouldn’t have suited me. (I’m still short but carrying much more weight now.) So I personally don’t like big rings ON ME but I don’t have a preference on what other people wear. I love to hear a happy story and know that people are happy so I would just say how lovely that you are engaged and if you asked about the ring I would say it was nice. I wouldn’t go out of my way to mention the ring as I’m not that interested in jewellery or clothes. I certainly wouldn’t say anything rude about it. I do love a holiday though and hearing about where other people are going I so might ask if you were going on a honeymoon.
So maybe use the line. Oh that’s rude, I love my ring.

I’m saying this with peace and love…it’s about as boring as an engagement ring can get so I really don’t see why it would incite such comments.

I understand it’s large and if it’s from Pragnell it’s expensive, but plenty of people have rings this big and they are cheap. The average person can’t tell if it’s a big £100 ring or a big £100,000 ring. It’s a perfectly normal ring,

My point excatly. It is boring. This is why I cannot believe some of the comments I have had

OP, that is an absolutely gorgeous ring!!! That is an absolute classic, great taste may I add 😉

You make sure you flash that beautiful ring whenever you are around those bitches!!!!

This is your time to enjoy & celebrate your engagement.

You now know they aren’t your friends so pls drop them like a sack of potatoes.

You need to be planning your wedding & the rest of your life so get on with that and don’t let anyone burst your bubble, you deserve to be happy.

If you were my friend there is no way would they be getting away with their comments with me around. The big eyed green monster really showed up with these friends.

This is a special time for you pls only surround yourself with people who are happy for you.

Massive Congratulations OP 🥳🥂🍾🥂

Agreed. I don't wear my rings at all when in certain areas, definitely not around my town that I avoid at all costs anyway. I really only wear jewellery if DH and I are staying at a nice hotel or if I'm going somewhere upmarket with my friends.

Bold OP, you dared to step out of your lane and have completely upset the order of things.

What is particularly unpleasant is your own mother.
With my friend at 36 it was both her parents who were appalled that their spinster daughter was going to move out and marry a man she met through friends.
They had her marked out as their carer.
Her siblings were similarly pissed off.
When they bought their really lovely home, no ring as she had no interest, they choked at its size.
12 months later he came into a substantial inheritance.
Again they choked.
She told us, her friends they were getting quietly married on their own with his brother and wife only, as his parents had past.
She had no interest in a family wedding after 2 years of sniping.
She stepped back from her family and saw them on her terms only.

OP, don't say a word to them.
Not a word.
Be busy and unavailable.
Likewise with your mother.
Look at your local area, volunteering, tennis, golf, crafting, walking groups.
A nice woman like you will make friends.

But firmly back away from those snakes.
Ring is lovely. Best of luck.

Gorgeous ring, classic beautiful!

I have to say I’m disappointed as I was hoping for a a gigantic plastic or candy item…..

do you know me? Seriously. It is eery!