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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Engagement ring

473 replies

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 16:32

I got engaged to an man 18 months ago and was lucky enough to be in reciept of a nice engagement ring. Since then I have had a several friends make continual comments about the size of the ring.

My own mother could not believe someone would consider buying it for me, ‘it must be a family ring’. She said she felt her own engagement ring was spectacular but felt deflated upon seeing mines. Another friend just bursts out laughing every time she sees it. I had another one tell me it makes me look like a drag queen. One suggested I did not wear it to work - as it could make people uncomfortable (I ran this one past a couple of friends who said my ring was no more blingy than theirs and thought it was ridiculous).

These comments are from the same people who mocked me in various ways as a thirties single cat lady career woman. I swear they all thought I was ‘on the shelf’ and my only chance for success in romance would be to panic and marry the first man who asked me. In the end I did not panic at all and eventually met a lovely, man who matches me career wise, finacially and ambition wise. I met him through friends and it was all very natural.

The ring matches what we both could easily afford and is in no way ostentacious. I am honestly starting to think their reaction is more to do with the fact I got engaged at all, rather than the ring itself. Its fucking disappointing really that I feel people cannot be happy for me. I just feel instinctively people are trying to ‘burst my bubble’.

YANBU - These people are just jealous / have their own issues
YABU - You should not wear the engagement ring in public just the plain wedding band

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
LegendIsMyFavouriteGladiator · 14/04/2025 18:06

What's drag queen-y about that? I was expecting a big emerald cocktail ring or something.

Nannyfannybanny · 14/04/2025 18:06

First H was a horologist, worked in Londons jewellery quarter,he had an engagement ring made for me in 1970,a flawless ruby, which was far rarer and more expensive than diamonds,no illusion setting, just a square cut ruby in white gold. My friends were rude,"oh, how sweet, course I would want something bigger,you wouldn't be able to see it on my fingers", type of comments.

Quiceinalifetime · 14/04/2025 18:07

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 18:05

I think its like a previous poster said - they used to use my love life as a form of entertainment sadly. Just needed to meet someone who adored me, and showed it in a form of a large diamond for the claws to come out.

Oh dear! At least you won't have to wonder whether to invite them to the wedding!

Thedogscollar · 14/04/2025 18:07

@mulberrybeige OMG it's stunning😍 Get that ring on your finger lovely and wave that hand about.
The "friends" are plain jealous not a nice trait.

Bogginsthe3rd · 14/04/2025 18:09

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 17:57

Here you go - be kind 😂

Can we see it on your finger OP as it's hard to judge.

RhododendronFlowers · 14/04/2025 18:12

Nannyfannybanny · 14/04/2025 18:06

First H was a horologist, worked in Londons jewellery quarter,he had an engagement ring made for me in 1970,a flawless ruby, which was far rarer and more expensive than diamonds,no illusion setting, just a square cut ruby in white gold. My friends were rude,"oh, how sweet, course I would want something bigger,you wouldn't be able to see it on my fingers", type of comments.

How rude of them. Your ring sounds absolutely gorgeous. I love rubies 😍!

bigdinkydoodah · 14/04/2025 18:12

What a beautiful ring, I love a solitaire. I think the people who made the comments are jealous. It’s stylish and not at all like a drag queens ring.

LillyLeaf · 14/04/2025 18:13

It's very classic and you obviously like it. They sound jealous. I did just do a cheeky image search, wow! That's one hell of a ring! I would love to see it on. 5.01ct! Bloody enjoy every minute wearing it.

Evaka · 14/04/2025 18:14

Congrats on your lovely relationship and stunning ring OP. Your friends and mum sound mental.

Seawolves · 14/04/2025 18:15

That's a beautiful ring, congratulations on your engagement.

Bfmamma · 14/04/2025 18:15

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 17:57

Here you go - be kind 😂

Mine is similar but gold, it's classic and elegant. m be honest, I'm disappointed it's not drag queenish 😅
Congratulations on your engagement, ignore your clearly jealous friends!

grapesstrawberriespleass · 14/04/2025 18:15

Lol the most unsubtle humble brag ever. “Oh no my gorgeous, massive, expensive engagement ring keeps being commented on by family and friends! What am I to do?!”

ExpatMum41 · 14/04/2025 18:16

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 17:57

Here you go - be kind 😂

It's LOVELY, OP! Not too much at all!

They're all just jealous, your mum sadly included.

MyKingdomForACat · 14/04/2025 18:16

If they’re commenting and/or mocking it’s sheer jealousy

MyKingdomForACat · 14/04/2025 18:18

Plus they probably had you in a certain ‘box’ and can’t cope with your life taking a different direction x

Lascivious · 14/04/2025 18:19

That’s a gorgeous ring, OP. Not too much at all. I love that it’s simple and isn’t all cheapened by poxy diamonds on the band too.

Merryoldgoat · 14/04/2025 18:21

That ring is stunning - pure jealousy @mulberrybeige

It’s a classic solitaire - just big! Very beautiful indeed.

Congratulations ❤️

ExpatMum41 · 14/04/2025 18:24

mulberrybeige · 14/04/2025 18:05

I think its like a previous poster said - they used to use my love life as a form of entertainment sadly. Just needed to meet someone who adored me, and showed it in a form of a large diamond for the claws to come out.

Aha. Yep. I get it now. Many will. They used to use you and your 'unfortunate' single-at-your-age status to make them feel better about themselves.

It happened to me. I was the unlucky one, in an abusive relationship with a loser, then met a seemingly nice one who quickly turned out to be Oedipus reincarnated, and a certain two 'friends' couldn't get enough of my woes (though they were very catty when the latter relationship was new and nice) because they were very unhappy with their own lives. I was single for a year, then met my amazing husband... One of those cows ghosted me immediately upon hearing of my engagement, the other made excuses until I gave up on her.

You must have better friends, OP. Enjoy their company and treasure their loyalty.

Congrats on your engagement, too 🎉

violetqueen6 · 14/04/2025 18:25

It's a lovely , lovely ring and not at all over the top of whatever rude people have been saying.
Honestly , some people !!

Ilovecleaning · 14/04/2025 18:26

Keep the ring. Ditch the people.

ExpatMum41 · 14/04/2025 18:29

LegendIsMyFavouriteGladiator · 14/04/2025 18:06

What's drag queen-y about that? I was expecting a big emerald cocktail ring or something.

Ey ey, mine's an emerald 😁 Just not a massive one, a rather dinky solitaire but absolutely my style - and just so happens to be husband's favourite colour, too 🤣

(Legend is also my fave, btw, can't believe we have to wait another 10 months to see him in action again 😁)

Moveoverdarlin · 14/04/2025 18:29

I love that ring, if I was getting engaged tomorrow that’s what I would choose. It’s pure out and out jealousy. I’d wear it with pride.

Thedogscollar · 14/04/2025 18:31

grapesstrawberriespleass · 14/04/2025 18:15

Lol the most unsubtle humble brag ever. “Oh no my gorgeous, massive, expensive engagement ring keeps being commented on by family and friends! What am I to do?!”

Seriously, can't you just be happy for someone. Says more about you that you came on here to post this.

godmum56 · 14/04/2025 18:31

well you need new friends definitely....and its a pity you can't get a new mother!

Namechangetheyarewatching · 14/04/2025 18:31

Fuck em, and get new friends