To think cheating is understandable if your partner lets themselves go completely?

[MyFirmQuoter]

Obviously cheating isn’t ideal but if someone stops trying - gains loads of weight, doesn’t shower regularly, doesn’t make any effort - is it really that shocking if their partner looks elsewhere? AIBU or just being honest about human nature?

Well if they love their partner so little they should leave, not cheat.

No. That is what divorce or separation is for.

I think if you’re no longer attracted to your partner and want to look elsewhere, you should break up with them first.

No excuse for cheating IMO - cowards way out.

As pp said, leave don’t cheat.

They sound depressed

No no and no imo. What is letting yourself go? As you get older you put on weight, you’re run ragged and are tired and busier and don’t have the time or money for yourselves. In sickness and in health means to the end, not until you feel they’re not as pretty/ good looking as they once were! The person who thinks they’ve let themselves go/ get into a rut should be helping them feel better about themselves and have more time for themselves.

No, I’d say if you’re no longer attracted to your partner and want to end the relationship then fair enough but coming up with reasons to excuse cheating isn’t right. To me it sounds like the person who has ‘stopped trying’ is going through something

No you try to help your partner or if it comes down to it you leave and start afresh - a partner with depression is going to be destroyed by finding out partner has been unfaithful

I think it’s best to leave in that situation trust me I’ve cheated in a really unhappy marriage and it was not the right thing to do x

Do you think that love is just about the physical being?

No if you are unhappy enough to consider cheating you should leave your partner first, no good reason to overlap

No, cheating is beyond vile. If you no longer want your partner you end the relationship before looking elsewhere. Anything else makes you an utter twat.

Surely you just leave the relationship?

The cheater probably put them in that state with their constant demands in the first place. Always the selfish ones.

No. I don’t think people ‘let themselves go’. I think they are either depressed or have no time for self care or to eat properly. I think the partner is at the root of that a lot of the time.

No. Not at all.

You could just leave.

Leave them, none of that is an excuse to cheat.

The person who has let themselves go might have depression or anxiety issues. Be compassionate and find out what’s wrong before you shag someone else.

It’s not surprising if they a) speak to their partner about the issue and b) leave if they don’t change. Cheating is a dick-move and trying to blame the other person makes it even worse.

Another question, when you got married was one of your vows that each should maintain themselves in a specific physical condition?

Rage-bait post.

Not at all, I don’t think love is just about the physical but I do think physical connection and mutual attraction matter in a long-term relationship.

If one partner completely stops making any effort - physically, emotionally, or even in basic self-care - it can start to feel like they’ve checked out. That doesn’t excuse cheating but I can understand how resentment or distance builds when the dynamic shifts that much. It’s more about the pattern of disconnection than just looks.

Perfectly understandable to go off someone. No excuse to cheat. Separating first is the decent thing to do.

YABU, if the marriage/relationship isn’t working then leave.

You go straight to cheating? Why not just split up? You need to explain your reasoning here OP. If you don't love them, let them go.