To think all men are pervy, some just hide it better than others?

[UnderTheSea25]

As per the title really. I’ve been astounded by some of the recent insights on here - a mum being hounded at a soft play, misogynistic colleagues, heck someone even said recently their partner complained the worst thing about TTC was that it took anal off the table!

A common trend is that it’s often said ‘they’ve never said things like that before’ or ‘they are a great father’ etc.

This makes me wonder - are most if not all men like this deep down, just some are better at hiding it than others?

She wasn't. But in her past she had a history of dating bad boys. And her husband definitely wasn't that. I was shocked, to be honest. I was married to a sexist git at the time and really envied her.

It clearly wasn't a deal breaker because they stayed together and are retired with an adult child now.

The Purge

I’m not sure any of the examples you gave in your OP are “pervy” to be honest. The lady hounded at a soft play - creepy and intimidating, the misogynistic colleagues - rude and disrespectful bully boy behaviour, the anal comment - either a poorly judged ‘joke’ or a very insensitive and self absorbed reaction from an immature man.

I don’t think all men are pervy. I’d say the majority aren’t, although sadly I have met a number throughout my life who absolutely were. I would say, men generally are just far more obsessed with / driven by sex and their sexual desires / appetites. Provided those desires don’t lead to poor behaviours, I think it’s fine.

Edited - spelling mistake.

Yeah have fun first then find a nice one to settle down with.

My DP says they all have “pervy” thoughts to varying degrees, but most men know not to say it out loud. I can tell when he thinks another woman is attractive because he’s trying not to look 😂. It doesn’t annoy me that much because 1) they tend to look like me and 2) I appreciate him trying.
I will say tho, working in a female dominated environment, there was a lot of perving. Different from male perving, but they were out for blood 😂. Any maintenance man who came on site, any speaker for an assembly, one of the dads who worked at the uni came in to do a science experiment with the kids and you’d have thought he was George Clooney (he was actually very sweet tho I will say).

I would image a very large number of men would spend that day at.home with their mothers/wives/girlfriends/ sisters and daughters.

It was called 'The Purge.' 😱
@HuffleMyPuffle Sorry just seen your message! Yes, I found that film really disturbing at the time.

I think for me it comes down to the definition of pervy. For something or someone to be classed as perverted, they would be characterised by sexually abnormal and unacceptable practices or tendencies.

Perhaps the better question to ask would be do we think most men are sleazy? You may find answers are a little different.

agreed…it’s biology!

doesn't have to be on the table. Any suitable item of furniture or location can be used.

But a small number might spend that day abusing or murdering those same people since there are no consequences. In the film you get a free pass for 1 day

So she spent her younger years having sex with assholes and then once she was a bit older she decided to settle down with a nice guy?

You may not realise this but that is scarily close to the kind of rhetoric incels use to "justify" their contempt for women.

Can you explain what you mean?

That's possibly the case. But he was the one who made a play for her, not the other way around. He told me, saw her in a pub and said to his mate, 'I'm going to marry her.' And he did.

Yes I think the issue is that the majority of men have sexual thoughts about numerous females & the majority don’t act on it as they know it’s socially unacceptable. If they could verbalise their thoughts without judgement then I think it would be interesting to hear what the ‘nice’ men are really thinking. I have only come to this point of view as I’ve got older & read things on here, news stories. I think we just accept that men enjoy porn & just expect them to use it. I think my view of men has been changed by the Pelicot case as there were so many ‘normal’ local men involved. How do we ever know who is dodgy?

What did you discover? Sorry to hear he let you down when you thought he was one of the good ones.

You see I'm actually the other way round 😆 when I was younger I viewed men very negatively (not entirely sure why as I never had any bother) and then had a couple of bad relationships, but since I've got older I've mainly encountered better men and also ive have had more experiences and opportunities to hear what men have to say and live life with them and better understand them. If you go by what's written online, on here, on the news then you're going to take on a lot of negative info and it might lead you to believe so many men are pigs.

Yeah and the silly thing about that is that a lot of men do exactly the same thing. Shag about when younger, chase the hot ones, take chances, then hormones calm down a bit, you grow up and realise hey I'd like a meaningful relationship with a 'nice' stable trustworthy person.

One strand of incel rhetoric is the claim that when women are young and at their most attractive then they choose "Chads"; men who will likely treat them badly but who are very attractive/muscled/rich. This is expressed in the 80/20 myth - incels believe that 80% of women go after 20% of men. When those women get older and lose their youthful looks and so are no longer attractive to the Chads (incels put this in much cruder terms of course), they fall back to dating meek beta men who will ignore the woman's past simply because the man knows he's got no chance of attracting any other women. Thus the claim that if you're a young man and you're not attractive/muscled/rich then you won't attract women and so you're justified in regarding all women as mercenary and so not deserving of respect.

This is, of course, an unrealistic and wildly disproportionate extrapolation of the behaviours of a subset of women to represent all women, and to then use that extrapolation as justification to despise women as a group. Much like a lot of the rest of this thread is doing about men, of course.

For accidentally seeing a flaccid p-thing?

So incels are basically men who didnt get much fanny growing up.

@Smallmercies it was interesting because that's kinda how I saw it. I assumed he didn't realise however my male friends thought it was predatory behaviour. They thought it was the thin end of a wedge if you know what I mean.

That’s good you have seen a better and more positive side to men. I think reading MN might distort things to some extent. As someone else posted we don’t write about our normal nice men as that might be a bit dull. So people tend to write about something bad happening. I’ve not personally had any drama or heartbreak & never been pestered by men.

Yes I've never had bother with men. I've always felt in control and never been in situations where I've felt scared. I think being quite a mild mannered person guys assume they can get the better of me, but they dont know what I'm really thinking 😊

I have sometimes walked home alone at night and looking back that was stupid but I guess I was just lucky?