To think all men are pervy, some just hide it better than others?

[UnderTheSea25]

As per the title really. I’ve been astounded by some of the recent insights on here - a mum being hounded at a soft play, misogynistic colleagues, heck someone even said recently their partner complained the worst thing about TTC was that it took anal off the table!

A common trend is that it’s often said ‘they’ve never said things like that before’ or ‘they are a great father’ etc.

This makes me wonder - are most if not all men like this deep down, just some are better at hiding it than others?

Not all, just most.

I’m inclined to agree especially when you hear about cases like Gisele Pelicot, and other stuff like Lily Philips, Bonnie Blue, Only Fans. Men are either wanking over porn, or paying for blow jobs / sex.

I'm a man and sometimes browse this site out of pure curiosity but don't normally post. I'm in my forties, worth around £20mil (i.e. extremely easy to cheat or commit crime without consequence), married and with 2 DC.

I think almost all of us occasionally fantasise about sleeping with other women, watch porn and are more perverted in general but cheating is generally considered unacceptable and I think very few people would be friends with anyone convicted of SA even if it was 10 years ago. Even joking about SA would get lots of judgement.

I have never cheated on my wife despite having endless opportunities to do so. To be honest if she wanted an open relationship or an FFM threesome I'd be down but I know she doesn't and cheating would really hurt her hence I don't do it. Similarly I would never SA someone because I know how damaging it is and even though I doubt anything would happen legally I just don't want to do that.

Sexual assault is a huge problem. A conservative estimate is 1/3 women but there are a lot of rapists out there.

There's a big problem with rape in relationships. You see it on here, people asking the wife why she doesn't want sex with her husband when he's bullying her into doing it.

How are Gisele Pelicot and Lily Philips even remotely comparable....

If that's the same thread I remember, it was pulled for being a troll.

Sounds like you were the perv here...

Isnt this like a woman wearing a loose top and leaning forward?

That’s why I made a point of saying ‘other stuff’. 🙄

Sounds like policing thoughts saying they are all pervy but some hide it better. I think all men have sexual urges and will see women they are attracted to everywhere, including being attracted to mums in a play centre and married men being attracted to someone other than their wife. It's their behaviour and how they act on them thoughts that matter. Many women will also have sexual thoughts that would be inappropriate if they acted on them.

I think the issue with ‘not all men’ is how many?

If ‘not All men’ means that let’s say 70% are decent and the 30% who behaves badly are giving men a bad name, then yes it’s a fair comment. And we, as women, should probably take it into account.

If ‘Not all men’ means that 10% or 20% of them are decent, then I think it’s fair to act as if none of them are. For our own safety really. It means the 10~20% have to work hard to gain our trust….

Unfortunately, I dint think the majority of men are decent. I’m basing myself of the amount of children who are sexually assaulted (10% if my memory is right), the number of women who have been raped, let alone sexually assaulted. The number of women dying from DV.
Its pretty shit because yes it also means our husbands, fathers, brothers, sons are part of it too.

Akso if we’re talking about Gisèle Pelicot, have you heard about the case of the paediatrician who raped hundreds of children under his care? And his own grandchildren.
This went on for 20 years. People knew because some children complained (even though a lot of them were under anaesthesia ….) and yet he was allowed to continue.
Or the young man training to be a gynaecologist (in the Netherlands?) who has been convinced of rape but was let off with nothing but a slap in worst ‘because he has a bright future in front of him’. A future where he’ll be able to ‘exa in’ women when they’re their most vulnerable….

So yes, ‘bad behaviour’ is well alive and still accepted (and acceptable).

If anything, your argument makes it even more likely that males would want to have sex with as many women as possible. If a females chance of fertilisation has a small monthly window, it makes much more sense from a biological point of view for a male to have sex with as many women as possible, given there’s a chance that some of his acts will prove futile.
A male of most species is essentially on the earth to impregnate as many of the opposite sex as possible, to ensure the survival of his genes.

I do think a lot of men would take an opportunity if it arises. Not all but a vast majority. And a lot of wouldn't would be either because of a cultural/social/religious/medical reason.

There will be some who wouldn't because they just aren't that way inclined, but I feel the numbers would be low!

@Winifredtabago

Yes I mean that men look at women in a sexual way far more frequently than women look at men that way. You rarely get professional women in their 40s coming on to the new boy at work, women rarely shout out at young men walking along the street or sunbathing, men don’t generally get felt up in a club, teenage boys don’t have the issue of some old woman sending intimate pictures while sat on the tube & so it goes on. I don’t think of men I meet in a sexual way. I think most men have those thoughts but the nice ones don’t act on it. My DH did actually say he wondered if there was something wrong with him as he doesn’t find some things acceptable. Which indicates it’s considered as acceptable masculine behaviour.

I made a similar comment on MN once and got flamed but I do think it's true. Men were "created" to sow their seed as far and wide as possible. It's an evolutionary instinct. I don't know why that should be so controversial, but apparently it is!

Ive. Known my fil for over 30 years,would of thought he was a decent guy ,till I heard him on the phone to a friend discussing a woman they knew ,
Not nice at all ,and he's in his late 70s .
So yes I think it is all men , especially when they go unchecked and think they could get away with it
He'd never of spoken like like in front of his daughters and wife

I think a lot of people have a real problem when people boil human behaviour down to a primal form. The reality is that life is about sex and reproduction, across all species.
We castrate male dogs/horses/cats etc because of the ‘problems’ that that innate need to breed cause for us. Males are filled with hormones that are pumping around their body telling them to keep their genetic line going.
There is a phenomenon known (I can’t remember its name) whereby male humans who have been in comas or accidents will wake up and instinctively check their genitals. I’m pretty sure Richard Hammond talked about it in his autobiography after his accident. Their reproductive organs are, quite literally, the forefront of their mind, even after a trauma. Without it, from a biological point of view, they can’t serve the purpose they are here for.

Millions of years of evolution and domestication has altered our brains to attach new meanings to our existence, but that innate desire to have and think about sex will never be eradicated. If it was, we would no longer exist.

Most women are pervy too. Just look at our obsession with 'high school' shows. Ok often older people play the teens but not always. Actor Kitt Connor (heart stopper) is 21 but even back when he was 19, middle aged women were a huge fan demographic for him.

Everyone is a little pervy in some way or another. Sometimes it is hidden, sometimes it's blatant, sometimes it presents in ways deemed social acceptable. Sometimes women get away with things men don't. And vice versa. But we're all just animals inately with varying degrees of civilisation.

I have found more women make sexual or pervy? comments than men but are more discreet about it unless they are drunk.

Yes, seems reasonable. The only thing I’d query is the ‘only’ you attached to social conventions and morality. Having those is just as deeply woven into our evolved nature as the baser side of the drive to reproduce. I think it’s a mistake to think of one or the other as what we ‘really’ are.

I think men relate to the world in a sexual way in a way women don’t

I was having a conversation with the least pervy man I know. He’s not at all intimidating and wouldn’t discriminate etc etc. I mentioned I know someone who is struggling to have the confidence to breastfeed in public, and he, trying to be understanding or something I don’t know, said “well she’s not an overly sexual person it must be hard for her”. Ergo boobs = sexual even when feeding your child. I was left thinking even ‘safe’ men see the world different to me

But remember bad things make the news, bad experiences cause people to speak up or come on here for advice. You need to remember the vast majority of people just lead completley 'normal' lives but you dont hear about it.

All they're interested in is sex. Women are objects.

No I don’t think so. There are men who are not that interested in sex or the look of random women as there are women who aren’t in men

Well all you have done is mention 3 examples. How does that relate to the whole of the male population.