To think all men are pervy, some just hide it better than others?

[UnderTheSea25]

As per the title really. I’ve been astounded by some of the recent insights on here - a mum being hounded at a soft play, misogynistic colleagues, heck someone even said recently their partner complained the worst thing about TTC was that it took anal off the table!

A common trend is that it’s often said ‘they’ve never said things like that before’ or ‘they are a great father’ etc.

This makes me wonder - are most if not all men like this deep down, just some are better at hiding it than others?

I’ve worked in a male dominated industry for 20 years now, I’ve travelled with them, spent nights in bars with plenty, so they let their guard down. MOST of them were pervy, and an unbelievable amount would cheat if given the chance.

The wives at home had no idea, thought they were great husbands. It happens far far more than you think.

Well if the definition of pervy is to have sexual thoughts about the opposite sex (if your straight) then yes almost all men would be pervy 🤷‍♀️

In terms of behaviour e.g calling at a woman in the street that is reserved for a certain section of men. For every one car that passes me and shouts something at me I think thousands go by me with nothing happening.

of course not all men are pervy. What a ridiculous thing to say and I suggest you start meeting better men.

Well yes, but the question was about men being “pervy”. And I honestly think men and women are very different when it comes to sex. Can you ever imagine 1050 women queuing up to have sex with one man? Or more than 50 women going round to rape a man who was drugged unconscious? Even if it was physically possible there is NO WAY women would want to partake in that.

I suppose women can have really carnal thoughts as well. Look at the runaway success of 50 shades.

Well of course he wouldn't speak like that in front of his wife etc. He did on the phone to his friend giving it the macho bravado. Men do communicate with their mates in strange ways. Toilet humor also. Talking about bodily functions etc, women dont tend to speak like that but men do. But they have respect for women so dont speak like that in front of women. Christ men can find breaking wind hilarious and us women generally just dont 😆

I suspect many would be but for societal constraints. The things you see on the news are partly due to the breakdown of those constraints, but also the accessibility of material that previously was difficult to obtain or view. I think that some personality types are more susceptible than others to suggestion, so it can be a heady mix for those. It's a complex question, with many more contributing factors, so whilst NAMALT, how do you identify the ones that are?

To add, I don't think it's necessarily a new thing either, just that we are more aware of it, and as women, we are getting more vocal in our condemnation of it.

And I think you would be surprised at the number of women who cheat. If they are at home holding the baby then far less opportunity to do so.

Going by my experience of men over many decades, I reluctantly have to agree with this.

They are, especially the married ones

A man once told me, and I think it's true that every single woman every man has dealings with (I presume like at work rather than paying for something at Tesco) he contemplate what it would be like to sleep with her

I wonder why some people think Mumsnet is seething with misandry

Yeah thousands of women wouldn't queue for that because it's quite different for a woman- how would the man perform if you are anything after say number 3 😆 I also think there would be more psychological reasons women wouldn't do that.

As well as questioning the men in these only fans examples I also cant get my head around these women not only doing this but advertising it.

Let's be honest. If we all think about our exes. What % of them would have cheated, if they knew they could get away with it? All of mine would have done. What % of them wanted sex of some type that we weren't comfortable with? Nothing outré, but icky or too much. For me, all of mine. They didn't push / force me, but would try it on, again and again.

I do think it's most men. Like I said, my friend's husband, no. BUT he was a type a lot of blokes would have thought was effeminate, and even she made comments about his lack of dominance sexually.

Correct. I've also been at times very taken aback by groups of women and the things they can come out with in group scenarios. I remember a certain ann summers party the things that were being said were wild and graphic 😳

Even the men I thought were good have tried it on while married or in relationships, I do think they are all pervy with the exception of some men with autism, learning disabilities or low testosterone.

She made comments about his lack of dominance sexually? Was she happy with that?

No one is saying they want a partner who is a sexual predator or the like but I know many women who wouldn't want a pansy of a man. Lots of women want men to be men. A lot of women can turn quite nasty themselves if the man has let them walk all over him and have him wrapped around their finger.

That's exactly what sprung to my mind too... grim.

I was convinced my ex H was one of the good ones. Until he wasn't.

No one would believe what he's done, his facade is extremely convincing.

And all women are sluts, they just hide it well.
What a ridiculous assertion , OP. Maybe you are moving in the wrong circles

So a woman wants 1000 men to sleep with her but the men are the pervs? Not the woman inviting them in?

Wouldn't say being a rapist is being a perv. I'd say it was much worse....

Smutty "romantacy" books are massive for women now - they are definitely what could be called "pervy"

Working with majority women, I can say that they definitely make lewd comments. The other day, for example, one of the girls said "Oo he's got s nice bum" about a guy outside the window...

Think of the Pepsi advert with the window cleaner at one point

The question appears to be what exactly defines a non pervy man.

A heterosexual man who deep down sees women as sexual objects and

1. acts on them but does not tell anyone.
2. does not act on them but indulges in fantasy and does not tell anyone.
3. is in constant internal turmoil about fighting said urges and never acts on them or has fantasies whilst living a life of frustration and regret.
4. does not act on them and does not indulge in fantasy because it is the right thing to do.
5. has no such feelings and is completely above any such thoughts.

also, where do gay men stand in this, if a gay man sees other men as sexual objects and acts on his desires, is he any less pervy, or is that acceptable because of his sexuality?

What about on the bed?

Poor you op- how do you feel about your son, father, husband and brother all being perverts?

I don't think all men are 'pervy' if you mean always looking for sexual opportunities to overstep women's boundaries. But I do think there is a darker side to male sexuality than many women in happy, healthy relationships sometimes fully realize - and that extends to 'nice' men too.

Societal/ cultural boundaries around sex vary over time and place but 'civilised' men learn to curb their baser instincts to fit the cultural/religious/legal expectations of the time. The challenge for women and girls is discerning which men are behaving well, not just because it serves their interests socially, but because they believe women are full human beings worthy of respect and equal partnership. Unfortunately, it can take years sometimes for a man to show his true colours but his reaction to a woman saying 'no' is usually the clearest early indicator.

I once watched a film like that, connot remember the title.
There was one day a year when there were no legal consequences, off duty police etc. People were hiding; it was truly sickening, and I could see it happening in real life.