To want to quit my very high paying job & go back to earning minimum wage for the sake of my mental health?

[WannaQuit]

Just want to start this thread by saying this is in no way an humble brag, and is just me trying to figure out if I am about to make the biggest mistake of my life by leaving my job behind and the salary that comes with it, or if I am right in thinking that mental health is more important and that while, yes, I will miss the income, I should be alright and won’t regret prioritizing my peace of mind and mental health which is what I am absolutely dying to do right now.

It’s gonna be long sorry but it’s such a life changing decision I would rather give as many details as possible than not enough so:

For background:

I am soon to be 30, and come from a very poor family with lots of abusive and toxic behavior, violence, social services and food banks were part of my childhood and is a big reason why I have made the choices I have made this far life wise, and also why it’s hard to currently make the choice I want to make without guilt and without questioning myself.

Mental health is normally absolutely paramount to me, as I have fought so so hard to go back to having a decent mental health after leaving my home at age 16 (currently still in therapy) but, I feel I have given up on it for money lately and on the other hand, growing up with scarsity has made me both resourceful when it comes to making money and developing my earning potential yet also VERY anxious about making any decision that negatively impact my finances.

That’s for the personal background.

Now here is my dilemma:

Over the last decade I have gone from earning well below minimum wage to earning way above what I could have ever hoped for. My current salary is about £14k a month. That’s beyond what I could ever hope to earn and also pretty much a salary I will never find again if I quit (even if I was to stick to what I do career wise at that level, I think I could go back to a £4-5k a month job, or maybeee and that would be a big maybe 7-8k) .

On the other hand for that amount of money I pretty much have no life. I need to be available 24/7, (not rare that I have finished working at 3am and then been expected to be up for work again at 6am for example).

My current working environment is also not the best. In fact it’s pretty poor.

There is is a massive lack of communication (which at times feels massively purposeful)
making everything a lot more stressful than it needs to be, my boss goes through massive mood swings that make the work environment a place where walking on eggshells is the norm and a daily occurrence. I have gone through endless passive aggressive behaviors as well as been at the receiving end of plenty of ongoing rudeness and genuinely abusive behaviors, that topped with endless schedule changes and no appreciation whatsoever. It’s ROUGH. Genuinely rough. And honestly mentally I have been feeling more and more broken as time go by.

I was in a two years relationship when starting this job as an example but this job put so much stress on me that my relationship didn’t survive, my job is also abroad so I am away from home a lot and that’s obviously hard on many levels and keeps me isolated a lot of the time.

I am at a point where I want to QUIT. I want to dedicate myself and my people time, I want to enjoy my home, I want to go back to feeling like I have a life and like my life matters, and I want to be there enough to be able to commit to doing things (going to the gym, piano lessons, fostering dogs/cats, seeing my therapist more regularly, that kind of thing that I absolutely have no possibility to do right now).

From a heart and mental health point of you my body is absolutely screaming at me to finally take that step and quit and enjoy a couple of months with no work and then going back to a much simpler life with a much lower salary (something along the lines of 20-30k a year which is still a lot more than what I was making 5 years ago). Yet as soon as I convince myself to take the step, my mind start panicking and thinking “what if I regret not holding on longer and saving more?” as obviously with this salary each month counts. A few months ago my plan was to quit next december, then it got reduced to August, then May and now I really feel like I need to bite the bullet and quit now (May is gonna be extremely busy and stressful and so I know I will be treated very poorly while working under the worst conditions likely.) Most people I am close to have either quit or are actually putting in their notice this month. It’s bad. (We don’t all earn the same but we are all equally burned out.)

From a financial point of view I am only 29 but I have tried to make “smart” choices along the way (within my limited knowledge and low financial education) and tried to secure my future as much as I could, but again I come from a poor family with massive money management issues so I am afraid what I think is secured investments and the right choices to normally be okay if I quit, are NOT actually as smart or as secure as I think and obviously my family and everyone who knows my salary keeps pushing for me to stay in this job for the money (but have no clue what it’s like to actually work at the capacity I work at) and I keep doubting myself as a result.

Currently my financial situation is as followed:

• Saving wise I have about 50k saved up (they are on saving accounts so do bring me a little bit in interests each year, I do not know enough about investing to invest them nor am I willing to risk them as they are my main tangible way out of this job.

• Housing wise I have bought my first property outright 2 years ago, it’s in a touristy city by the sea (not in the UK) and it’s where I reside when not at work. It’s in a country where property is still affordable so not an expensive property but it has doubled in value since I have bought it (not that it matters because it’s my home and I have absolutely no intention of selling it but just to express that worst case scenario I do have a home I could sell, and it’s in my sole name as I have bought it alone.)

• Currently I am in the process of buying a second property with someone very very close and dear to me (not a partner), I could have done without buying a second property but I really wanted that person to get access to the housing ladder and I know my salary would easily allow for us to get a joint mortgage something this person wouldn’t be able to do alone. We have been approved for a 100% mortgage. This property is located in a better area than my own home and therefore cost double what I have paid mine, but it’s an investment for both of us and the goal is to rent it out and it should easily both pay for itself and give us a little something on top (+ it’s very likely to increase in value short to long-term). The property requires some work not too much but likely about 10k worth so half of that would have to come out of my savings if not a bit more and obviously before it’s rented we would have to pay the repayments (£600/month so £300 each).

• I have a small debt linked to my first apartment, I could technically pay it off right now with my savings but I have just been following the payment plan. But obviously don’t want to stop paying if I quit.

So that’s about it, that’s the global vision of my current situation. I am extremely aware of how lucky I am. I know I have a lot more than most at not yet 30 than many will even have in their lives and I am extremely grateful to have what I have and be where I am at. On the other hand I am beyond stressed, and I feel that once you start earning a certain amount there is this monumental pressure to stay at that level and keep working harder and harder, but honestly I dream of getting back to my old life when I actually had a life, and where I didn’t sell my soul for money. I dream of doing a simple job even for minimum wage and going home every night and being PRESENT. But am I being naive? Like I have said, even 5 years ago I was still earning below minimum wage and worrying about money so it’s definitely not lost on me how lucky I am and also what the reality is. But I feel the choices I have made along the way mean that even if I was to go back to a minimum wage job I should still be okay, and less stressed? But am I being massively delusional? Parts of me feel like if I can’t relax now when I have all of this when will I ever feel like I can (I don’t have kids). But I am also currently massively massively burned out, so I am scared I will regret my decision no matter which one I take.

So what would you if you were me? Would you quit your job and accept the massive hit financially to get your life and mental health back? Or would you keep going for a while even if it means no personal life for as long as you keep at it? There will always be the possibility to get back to this career (at a much lower salary) if I quit, as I have now made a bit of a name for myself in the industry and don’t think I will lose that, but if I do quit I 100% need a proper break from this career, I have had many panic attacks this year (something I had never had before) due to this job and so would need to work in something else entirely for a while if I want my mental health to have a shot at recovering, so it’s very likely I would go back to minimum wage or 30k/year max if I am lucky in any other industry due lack of experience and studies.

I appreciate all opinions and advice including those telling me to give myself a wobble, just remember that my mental health is not currently at its best so try not to be too cruel if possible in your messages. I have massive anxieties related to both finances and abuse due to my background and I currently feel like having to pick abuse for money or lose my financial safety to stop abuse and it is an anxiety filled decision for me. I have also felt the need to name change because I have shared way too many personal information in this post but I am a long-standing member of Mumsnet.

Thank you in advance for any and all advice/ answers, I genuinely appreciate anyone taking the time to share their opinion and help me out in this decision.

I would absolutely not keep doing what you are doing. You have a property outright and savings. You won't be living on the streets.Take a break, a proper break. List what's important you, budget what your outgoings are and how much you need to earn versus what you want to earn, and look to do future financial planning (pension contributions) and then find another job.

You never know what might be around the corner events happen which can put everything in different perspectives.

Work to live don't live to work...and if you can find a job you enjoy...even better

I had a high pressure job for years (not earning anywhere near your wage but a very good one).

I had burn out.

I quit and worked at a supermarket for 2 years - set shifts, total routine, zero emails/calls, work left at work!

I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I'm now back working in my original industry but with strict boundaries, I kindly reject promotions.

Life has a great balance now, I'm so glad I took that break.

I think you need to quit your job and get some good counselling also. You are in an excellent financial position, but I can understand the fear of quitting, due to your background. You already realise this current state of affairs is not sustainable for your health, so you might as well quit sooner rather than later. But maybe have a plan of what you are going to do next. You don’t have to walk out into a big blank. I expect you have some transferable skills to take you down a calmer career path and perhaps build up something that is eventually high earning but more sustainable. If a friend were in the same position as you, what would you say to them? Good luck!

Totally reasonable to quit.

You've saved up a cushion.

Life is too short to feel like that.

Could you take a sabbatical first? That's what several of my friends did, it gave them time to think

As a mid 40’s woman all I want is for my family to be well and to live a peaceful life. It’s the simple things like sitting out in the sunshine, a walk by the river, a nice homemade meal, getting in to a box set, a nice hot bath. As long as you have enough money to see you through, then I would leave that stressful job. Yes you get paid amazingly well but at what cost? Your MH that’s what.

I used to work in a stressful environment and I hated it so much. I used to dream
of working in a shop and putting the stuff on the shelves without the hassle. I couldn’t take it anymore so I left. I was scared to hand in my notice as I knew it would be final but it was the best thing I ever did.

Your health is your wealth.

I’d do another 12 months and save save save , £50k won’t last long and feeling under pressure re finances won’t help either. Find focus on a well planned goal to get out , but put yourself and your mindset in the best possible place to thrive afterwards

Can you not just move to another job at a similar level / similar area to what you are doing now?

Trying to make ends meet on minimum wage will just create new stresses.

What are your long term goals? Do you want children? I presume you are single. Your current role does not sound in anyway conducive to meeting someone decent.

Given that you have property and savings, I’d probably stick it out for a few more months to get close too £100k in savings then quit with a view to doing something healthier for your well-being. Your savings will allow you to have choice in what you do.

Is there any option of changing anything at work? Transfer to another dept etc? Can you do anything about your boss? Put your foot down about the hours you work? I would explore all that first

You're only 29 and you've done extremely well for yourself, of that you should be proud.
However, none of us can purchase good health, be it mental or physical and if your job is causing one or both to suffer, I would say leave and leave quickly. No job is worth making yourself ill and it does sound a poor work environment. Take a sabbatical, focus on your MH and consider your options.

Ask work for a sabatical. Don't close all the doors behind you. Take time to heal.
Or give yourself a timeline of say 12 months to earn as mich as you can and in that time make your exit plan. If you can stick it out.
Can you consult or work part time in your niche?

It seems to me that there are other things you can do.
Can you change job so you don’t have an asshole boss (can you describe your work)
You are doing great on financial freedom, but need more, maybe plan something there.

Would you generally say you are resilient, you must be, so can take a step down. At 29 you must have been on rocket trajectory, so just hold fire for a year or too.

But primarily lose the boss.

May I ask - what do you actually do for a job?

You get to travel, you’re on-call…. How soon will it be before your boss leaves and you can take his job?

You can have unrealistic deadlines, ridiculous overtime and work with utter twats and be paid terribly.

I would be looking at keeping the job for a little longer and then leaving.

If you died tomorrow or got serious ill, you’d regret having spent so much time working and not enjoying life. Tomorrow is never promised. Quit before it’s too late.
You have a fully paid off house and money in the bank.
if you’re smart enough to get this job, you’re smart enough to get another. Doesn’t have to be £30k, might be £100k. Either way you’ll be fine. No point having loads of money and being dead.

Why does it have to be from a very stressful £14k a month job to minimum wage? Can’t it be half way?

Thank you so much for all the kind words and support and validation, so so appreciated!

I really just dream of the most simple things, being able to come home to my own bed every night, being able to see my people weekly rather than every couple of weeks or months, being able to tend to my health (both mental and physical), and like I have said maybe finally being able to take on hobbies and dedicate them time.

I just want to live really. And it’s very hard because I don’t really feel like I had a childhood, at least not a happy one, I have been working non-stop since I am 16, and dedicated my late teens are early entire to work exactly so that I could one day feel completely safe, have my own safe place (my home) and never ever be dependent on anyone for anything especially not financially as I have always felt financial dependence leads to an increase risk of ending up in something toxic (and yet I now feel that’s exactly where I have ended up). I have had fun along the way of course and it’s only in the last 5 years that my work weeks have gone from 60 hours + to more time working than sleeping (let alone anything else).

At the beginning it felt worth it, I was working towards my financial goals and I was so grateful to even have a shot at earning such amounts and saving. But as time has gone by
it’s stopped feeling like that and more as if I had lost track of what truly matters (living/connecting), and I don’t know if it’s because of the recent break up or the fact that I am about to turn 30 or that I have already reached my main goal (buying a home) or if it’s just pure burnout but I am now leaning completely in the opposite direction, I am realizing that all of my 20’s have been dedicated to working and how many things (relationships, events, goals) I didn’t pursue or didn’t do that would have filled me up emotionally if my priorities had been different. I can’t change the past but parts of me is really tempted to end my 20’s at least in the way I want to end them (LIVING) because I will never have them back and technically have very little months left of them anyway.

The other part of me of wonders if I have just become so privileged I forget what’s actually hard and that I will wake up a few years from now regretting my decision.

But I so so agree that health can’t be bought and is so important I have sadly had various friends die at different ages (all before they ever got to their mid twenties), and that’s my main driving factor behind my will to quit. I know life can end at any moment, and I know I would regret having lived my life like I do now if I was to find out that I have less than 5 years to live. The other part of me also is aware that most people do live to be double my age statistically and so acting like I might die tomorrow may not be a sustainable way to live or make decisions in life, especially financial ones?

Will now answer to the questions I have had about my job and work possibilities while trying to not be too revealing (as I have no clue if my boss is on Mumsnet or not and wouldn’t want to risk anything.)

Thank you again for the kind words and validation re-working in a high-stress environment, it’s hard for me to know if I am being “weak” and low tolerance or if it’s natural to be burn out under those circumstances, especially after having survived abuse that’s technically quite a lot worse than my current work conditions (which make me feel like I should be able to cope with my job and the stress/abuse a lot more than I currently do). So it’s helpful to hear plenty have had to make a similar decision as the money wasn’t worth the impact on their mental or physical health.

You sound like my friends who worked as investment bankers and quit at 30 due to burn out. 3am finishes, home for a shower and a quick nap then start again at 7am, worked weekends too. Your 20’s and 30’s are supposed to be fun. Don’t give that up for money.

I think you should research other jobs you could do - not minimum wage, thats a bit extreme. Then make a plan - what's your notice period, can you work to the end of it, then 3 months off over the summer, then a new job. See how the figuers work for you.

But you need out of your current job, you own a property so that's the basics sorted. However it might not be the time to buy an investment property on a 100% mortgage - this does seem to be reckless lending.

Just stop. Do what your heart is telling you.

You’ve worked hard, done brilliantly and put yourself in a really good financial position. You can afford to take some time out to regroup and think about your future. If it feels too daunting to leave it open-ended, put a time limit on it - 6 months or something - and spend it resting, having fun and planning your next steps.

Money is important, for sure, but life is too short to be chasing it at the expense of health and happiness.

If were you, I'd stick to it as long as physically/mentally possible and save and invest as much as I could feasibly. I'd end up being super frugal to do so. Once, I'd hit the limit of no possible future squeezing every ounce out of myself for your current role, that's when would quit.

If that's where you are currently. Quit. No regrets.

Life is too short to be miserable but life is also shit if you don't have money behind you. The more you have saved the more secure you'll be in the long run.

You've got to go with your gut on this one. And be proud what you've achieved in such a short amount of time. Don't let your past dictate who are meant to be. You've overcome so much. Honestly in awe of what you've managed so far.

I was in a similar position although less extreme in terms of money and hours. But constantly very long hours and stress, plus I have kids.

I quite (with a settlement actually due to my horrible boss), took a couple of months out and am now in a similar job with the same salary but I'm working with people I actually like and appreciated, which really makes all the difference.

I'm still working a lot but it all feels better, and no more panic attacks here

I would stay for another say three months but try and emotionally detach. Use the time to see or speak to all your industry contacts and explore where you could go next, while you're still employed. Then quit and take a break for a while, with a view to healing for a bit and then finding a more reasonable job at a decent salary. I can't see why you'd need to go back to a low salary, you should be able to find something reasonably well paid.

Look into FIRE - Financial Independence retire early.

you don’t have enough assets to retire early yet, but owning your home outright and 50k savings is a great start.

you definitely have options right now. Why not look for another job now? You can assess what is out there and find something that suits your situation. Even if you don’t get a new job, I think it’s worth going for a few interviews to see what you will be considered for. Then maybe you can take a 3 or 6 month break.

One thing to ponder is whether the problem is truly the job and you will be happy in a minimum wage job. I say this as I have also considered it but I know myself well enough to understand that of all the jobs I’ve had in the last 32 years, I really don’t enjoy any of them after about 2 years. I have tried the full range from entry level admin to warehouse with shift work to accounting to IT project management. I have tried different industries from local
council to coal mining to construction site to not for profit to investment banking to logistics and now in a corporate office for a large FMCG company. I always find something to be unhappy about. So with that in mind, I figure if I’m going to hate my job I might as well at least get paid well for it. You may be very different just sharing my perspective.

Are you in banking/finance?! If so, there is a huge huge gap between front office/sales/trading type roles and other roles in the industry and your skills and experience will be massively transferable. I can’t imagine any role where you are earning £14k per month yet don’t have any transferable skills/experience.

I work in banking and familiar with the hours of the front office and never wanted that for myself. I work in operations management instead. It’s 9-6, nice culture, no on call. Maybe 1/2 weeks a year where it all goes a bit mad and I might work til 9/10pm for a week or two. But I go for a run every morning before work, go home in time to feed my cats, spend time with my husband and have downtime. You would comfortably be on 6 figures in middle management in London.

I agree that your money would be well spent on counselling and some kind of sabbatical between jobs though!

its the practical aspects you need to consider imo. Are you a national of the country your home is in? If not are there any restrictions on permanent residence, for example minimum savings, minimum annual income?. You're very young still, you've likely got 40/50 years minimum ahead of you, what retirement planning have you done. How much would you need to earn to cover essential outgoings. It can be a miserable existence living on minimum wage if it barely covers your bills and gives you nothing left to enjoy any life. It can affect your mental health just as much as your current situation. You're not being unreasonable to consider quitting at all, but you do really need to look at the big picture I think. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Do you get paid sick pay? If so, take 3-6 months off via a doctors note for burn out to recoup. In that time I would be saving the money as that’s 3-6 months pay “free” then I would hand my notice in and not go back.