To want to quit my very high paying job & go back to earning minimum wage for the sake of my mental health?

[WannaQuit]

Just want to start this thread by saying this is in no way an humble brag, and is just me trying to figure out if I am about to make the biggest mistake of my life by leaving my job behind and the salary that comes with it, or if I am right in thinking that mental health is more important and that while, yes, I will miss the income, I should be alright and won’t regret prioritizing my peace of mind and mental health which is what I am absolutely dying to do right now.

It’s gonna be long sorry but it’s such a life changing decision I would rather give as many details as possible than not enough so:

For background:

I am soon to be 30, and come from a very poor family with lots of abusive and toxic behavior, violence, social services and food banks were part of my childhood and is a big reason why I have made the choices I have made this far life wise, and also why it’s hard to currently make the choice I want to make without guilt and without questioning myself.

Mental health is normally absolutely paramount to me, as I have fought so so hard to go back to having a decent mental health after leaving my home at age 16 (currently still in therapy) but, I feel I have given up on it for money lately and on the other hand, growing up with scarsity has made me both resourceful when it comes to making money and developing my earning potential yet also VERY anxious about making any decision that negatively impact my finances.

That’s for the personal background.

Now here is my dilemma:

Over the last decade I have gone from earning well below minimum wage to earning way above what I could have ever hoped for. My current salary is about £14k a month. That’s beyond what I could ever hope to earn and also pretty much a salary I will never find again if I quit (even if I was to stick to what I do career wise at that level, I think I could go back to a £4-5k a month job, or maybeee and that would be a big maybe 7-8k) .

On the other hand for that amount of money I pretty much have no life. I need to be available 24/7, (not rare that I have finished working at 3am and then been expected to be up for work again at 6am for example).

My current working environment is also not the best. In fact it’s pretty poor.

There is is a massive lack of communication (which at times feels massively purposeful)
making everything a lot more stressful than it needs to be, my boss goes through massive mood swings that make the work environment a place where walking on eggshells is the norm and a daily occurrence. I have gone through endless passive aggressive behaviors as well as been at the receiving end of plenty of ongoing rudeness and genuinely abusive behaviors, that topped with endless schedule changes and no appreciation whatsoever. It’s ROUGH. Genuinely rough. And honestly mentally I have been feeling more and more broken as time go by.

I was in a two years relationship when starting this job as an example but this job put so much stress on me that my relationship didn’t survive, my job is also abroad so I am away from home a lot and that’s obviously hard on many levels and keeps me isolated a lot of the time.

I am at a point where I want to QUIT. I want to dedicate myself and my people time, I want to enjoy my home, I want to go back to feeling like I have a life and like my life matters, and I want to be there enough to be able to commit to doing things (going to the gym, piano lessons, fostering dogs/cats, seeing my therapist more regularly, that kind of thing that I absolutely have no possibility to do right now).

From a heart and mental health point of you my body is absolutely screaming at me to finally take that step and quit and enjoy a couple of months with no work and then going back to a much simpler life with a much lower salary (something along the lines of 20-30k a year which is still a lot more than what I was making 5 years ago). Yet as soon as I convince myself to take the step, my mind start panicking and thinking “what if I regret not holding on longer and saving more?” as obviously with this salary each month counts. A few months ago my plan was to quit next december, then it got reduced to August, then May and now I really feel like I need to bite the bullet and quit now (May is gonna be extremely busy and stressful and so I know I will be treated very poorly while working under the worst conditions likely.) Most people I am close to have either quit or are actually putting in their notice this month. It’s bad. (We don’t all earn the same but we are all equally burned out.)

From a financial point of view I am only 29 but I have tried to make “smart” choices along the way (within my limited knowledge and low financial education) and tried to secure my future as much as I could, but again I come from a poor family with massive money management issues so I am afraid what I think is secured investments and the right choices to normally be okay if I quit, are NOT actually as smart or as secure as I think and obviously my family and everyone who knows my salary keeps pushing for me to stay in this job for the money (but have no clue what it’s like to actually work at the capacity I work at) and I keep doubting myself as a result.

Currently my financial situation is as followed:

• Saving wise I have about 50k saved up (they are on saving accounts so do bring me a little bit in interests each year, I do not know enough about investing to invest them nor am I willing to risk them as they are my main tangible way out of this job.

• Housing wise I have bought my first property outright 2 years ago, it’s in a touristy city by the sea (not in the UK) and it’s where I reside when not at work. It’s in a country where property is still affordable so not an expensive property but it has doubled in value since I have bought it (not that it matters because it’s my home and I have absolutely no intention of selling it but just to express that worst case scenario I do have a home I could sell, and it’s in my sole name as I have bought it alone.)

• Currently I am in the process of buying a second property with someone very very close and dear to me (not a partner), I could have done without buying a second property but I really wanted that person to get access to the housing ladder and I know my salary would easily allow for us to get a joint mortgage something this person wouldn’t be able to do alone. We have been approved for a 100% mortgage. This property is located in a better area than my own home and therefore cost double what I have paid mine, but it’s an investment for both of us and the goal is to rent it out and it should easily both pay for itself and give us a little something on top (+ it’s very likely to increase in value short to long-term). The property requires some work not too much but likely about 10k worth so half of that would have to come out of my savings if not a bit more and obviously before it’s rented we would have to pay the repayments (£600/month so £300 each).

• I have a small debt linked to my first apartment, I could technically pay it off right now with my savings but I have just been following the payment plan. But obviously don’t want to stop paying if I quit.

So that’s about it, that’s the global vision of my current situation. I am extremely aware of how lucky I am. I know I have a lot more than most at not yet 30 than many will even have in their lives and I am extremely grateful to have what I have and be where I am at. On the other hand I am beyond stressed, and I feel that once you start earning a certain amount there is this monumental pressure to stay at that level and keep working harder and harder, but honestly I dream of getting back to my old life when I actually had a life, and where I didn’t sell my soul for money. I dream of doing a simple job even for minimum wage and going home every night and being PRESENT. But am I being naive? Like I have said, even 5 years ago I was still earning below minimum wage and worrying about money so it’s definitely not lost on me how lucky I am and also what the reality is. But I feel the choices I have made along the way mean that even if I was to go back to a minimum wage job I should still be okay, and less stressed? But am I being massively delusional? Parts of me feel like if I can’t relax now when I have all of this when will I ever feel like I can (I don’t have kids). But I am also currently massively massively burned out, so I am scared I will regret my decision no matter which one I take.

So what would you if you were me? Would you quit your job and accept the massive hit financially to get your life and mental health back? Or would you keep going for a while even if it means no personal life for as long as you keep at it? There will always be the possibility to get back to this career (at a much lower salary) if I quit, as I have now made a bit of a name for myself in the industry and don’t think I will lose that, but if I do quit I 100% need a proper break from this career, I have had many panic attacks this year (something I had never had before) due to this job and so would need to work in something else entirely for a while if I want my mental health to have a shot at recovering, so it’s very likely I would go back to minimum wage or 30k/year max if I am lucky in any other industry due lack of experience and studies.

I appreciate all opinions and advice including those telling me to give myself a wobble, just remember that my mental health is not currently at its best so try not to be too cruel if possible in your messages. I have massive anxieties related to both finances and abuse due to my background and I currently feel like having to pick abuse for money or lose my financial safety to stop abuse and it is an anxiety filled decision for me. I have also felt the need to name change because I have shared way too many personal information in this post but I am a long-standing member of Mumsnet.

Thank you in advance for any and all advice/ answers, I genuinely appreciate anyone taking the time to share their opinion and help me out in this decision.

Instead of quitting outright could you take a sabbatical instead? It would give you some breathing space, time to unwind and you could think about what you want.

Could you give yourself a year in current job and save as hard as possible? With an end date I think a lot of your stress would ease but while it’s amazing you have the property you have, a decent cushion would make a min wage job much more enjoyable

Don't quit. Do your contracted hours and no more. They won't like it, but tough luck. Yes they will potentially be unpleasant to you, but you'll keep your high salary, with lots more free time and energy. And if they are too unpleasant and causing you stress, get signed off with stress. After that, you could quit, get a low stress £25/30k job for a couple of years, even part time as you'll have a large cash buffer.

Open an account with vanguard. Put a large portion of your savings into stocks and shares. You need pretty much zero knowledge, use a fund and it needs no input from you, other than setting up a monthly direct debit. Look up compound interest, the so called 8th wonder of the world. Max out pension contributions too.

I went from high salary, stressful job to medium paid 9-5 in a lovely company ( £45k in 2010) with 100k savings and some property. Had 6 months gardening leave as it was a redundancy. Since then i have done work I really enjoy and eventually built back up to a salary thats comparable (not the bonus potential, which suits me just fine).

You dont want to use up savings in order to live, and - from painful experience - you will be valued exactly how much they're paying you. E.g. if you take a receptionist job and later apply to be a manager, or even volunteer some strategic advice, it might not be taken seriously.

Speak to a good recruiter (not the big companies if possible) but bear in mind news might get back to your boss

OP - is there any chance you could apply for similar, but low pressure, roles? I think it's a myth that more high paying jobs are always harder than lower paying ones, but I agree you need to get out of your current situation.

For context - Im a similar age to you and earn £90k+. My job stress is significantly less than when I was in a £60k role a few years ago. So I wouldn't rule out high paying jobs as a whole - but I think you need a new job!

If it was me I wouldn't quit, but I would just start applying for jobs that you suspect will be longer stress. Hard to advise more without knowing your industry!

Just wanted to point out that any job has stresses. Speaking from my experience when I was NMW I was treated like a subhuman by managers and the public/customers being rude or aggressive to my face. It was stressful with shifts always being changed, dropped or added on days off. I didn't have enough money to pay for basic bills and didn't have family to fall back on. It's wasn't until I got a salaried job that I was able to having a savings account.

You current situation sounds very stressful and it sounds like you need to get out of it sooner rather than later. I would always advocate prioritising your own health over any job.

There must be some middle ground where you can get a different job with your skills.
I would also point out that it's a tough job market atm, with people applying to jobs and not even hearing back. I've heard lots of account of people being unemployed for months longer than they anticipated. If you have high outgoings like a huge mortgage then quitting without another job may cause you more stress down the line.

Finally NMW is going up but salaries aren't. So starter jobs likes office jobs that advertise around £23,000 are basically NMW now. Maybe you should look at this as they may not require a lot of specific experience or education.

PS... On average women think they need to tick all the essential requirements in a job listing. Men apply even if they don't fit half of them!!

i'm intrigued how you go from a 30k job to a 170k job in a few years!

However it sounds like it's making you ill so it isn't worth it.

Quit..you have a lot more than many have and at a young age. You’ve had a hard upbringing and deserve a happier life and to look after yourself.
I quir being a teacher to becoming a dog walker, never been happier, it can be hard sometimes but I get by and wouldn’t change a thing

May I ask what the job is? I’m really intrigued

are you a nanny for a HMW family?

I hold my hands up & admit I'm so exhausted after a hard weeks work my eyes will hardly stay open. I'm way beyond your age & there is absolutely nothing other than a huge lottery win that would make me relinquish the life I have with my DH & in the past with my children before they grew up to pack it all in to scruff it around the globe. Thankfully I see beyond the hard work & realise where my bread is buttered. I can only speak for myself but to be fair OP I think your idea of sticking a back pack on & wasting your hard earned cash is ludicrous. If you need a break then speak to your employers & ask them to grant you leave to recuperate. You sound like someone who is hard working & dedicated. There is an old expression in Latin that says "nothing worthwhile in life is gained without hard work" Nihil nisi industria.

You're obviously very able and hard working, so if you take a break I suspect you will sooner or later go back to doing something successfully, even if it is in a different field. So go for it.

Can you quit that company but try out for another position at a similar level in a different company before you make the decision to drop down to a much lower salary, maybe it wouldn’t be as toxic as the place you are currently working at, take a few months off to completely relax between jobs

Your salary is fantastic so I would try and keep hold of that for another couple of years to build up some more savings before dropping down to a much much lower wage, having said that only you are in a position to decide how much more of it you can take and how bad your mental health is

Can you speak to HR about the crazy hours and the toxic behaviour ( how it has affected hour MH) and make a formal complaint, if you are leaving the industry altogether maybe it would be good to try and get a payout before you leave

you feel out of control because you do t have a plan.

Start looking into part time where you are? Is that a possibility? Or a job share for example?

The research the area of study - you have the means to support yourself and doing a degree can be quite carefree - you can work part time to support your studies - why not go to an actual university and enjoy student life?

mix in different circles?

Most people are happy with a small house, good food and good company -no good earning if you can’t enjoy it!

Take some sick leave - see how you fee, take time to breath!

Go part time
Take a sabbatical
Similar job but different company?

Any of those options viable?

I'd keep going at it until 35ish

One thing that strikes me is I wouldn’t go into an 100% mortgage with a friend like that. This is the kind of thing that would weigh you down and could become an issue if you took a lower salary. It’s great that you own your place outright (I think that’s what you said) and that’s the kind of thing that will give you flexibility to go part-time while you study etc. I wouldn’t give up that flexibility by getting another mortgage

This, if you can manage another 6 months, saving every single penny you can. £50k is not enough of a financial buffer.

Can I ask why your saving are so low on that salary, if you are mortgage free?

I remember your AMA! Your job is full on and I’m amazed you’re on so much money (you deserve to be!)

Highly paid jobs don't need to be stressful. It's possible to earn your current salary working flexibly in a job that can fit with your lifestyle, if you have the right skills.

I know you can't be too outing but for me what you are doing matters. If your boss is someone like a family who you work for then I think you need to get out. Not having a contract isn't OK. I'm guessing some sort of au pair type role on a yacht or uae?

I guessed a nanny!

being on call is not ok, you need dedicated rest time:

Quit. Sounds shit

I've recently resigned after finding a new job. Where I currently work i have a stressful team to manage, senior management are falling apart, the environment is toxic and it's getting worse for a number of reasons. I am mentally and physically exhausted, and on anti-depressants. The job I've accepted is not management like I am now, it's very similar to a job i did about 5 years ago - and it pays £12k less than my current role. But honestly I feel it's the right decision. I am so excited to get my life back and feel like myself again. My advice is, think carefully but if all the signs post to it being right for you, then DO IT.

Thank you very much! That’s very lovely!

I am very grateful for all the positive words and the kindness shown by everyone on this thread. I was very nervous to post because I am acutely aware of the current economic situation and felt really bad feeling bad about my high paying job to the point of nervous breakdown when people are wondering how to pay their bills and how to feed their children and knowing many would kill for what I have even with the stress. I am so so lucky and I will keep repeating it because I sincerely mean it and wouldn’t want to be incensitive to others.

As for being humble, at work I am surrounded by people who forget where they are from. I refuse to do that, I am from an immigrant background, and part of several minority groups. I don’t want to forget where I am from or what I have been through.

In fact the place I have bought for myself, is in the supposedly worst neighborhood of the city I live in. Worst translating into it’s an “immigrant-filled neighborhood”, and like I have said in my opening post, I absolutely LOVE it. I love everything about it and have no attention of ever selling or moving to the better neighborhood (the second property is in one of the best neighborhoods in comparison and I wouldn’t want to live there, as it’s not “me”).

My values have never changed, I still wear cheap or second hand clothes, I don’t own a single branded item (waste of money in my head + most I find horrendous tbh) and my car is almost 20 years old (and I am as in love with my old car as I am in love with my flat). I don’t need flashy things and I don’t want flashy things. I wanted security, that’s what I worked for and I guess I want to maintain my financial security that’s what I keep working for.

But I feel I have everything I need. If I had a million tomorrow I wouldn’t buy anything I don’t have. I don’t want a fancy villa or the flashy car (can’t afford the fancy villa but can afford the flashy car and still don’t want it). All I am trying to buy is “lack of financial worry” if I am honest and ironically slowly realizing that this doesn’t exist, and maybe it will never exist no matter what I do or how much I earn because I will always worry about money , because if you get a million you worry about not losing it and not going back to being below a million and just like this irrelevant of the amount and it’s an endless cycle? Or at least it feels like it because if 5 years ago someone would have told me I would still feel worried about money earning what I earn or having what I have, I would have scoffed and said it was impossible because only someone who doesn’t know what it is to be financially struggling would ever feel that way in this scenario. Yet, here I am, and I have spent nights on the streets in my late teens and had moments where I didn’t even have a single £ to eat, so there is that (and maybe those scenarios are also parts of the roots of my financial anxiety and why I am scared of losing my financial security constantly, in all cases it’s definitely the reason why not staying humble was never an option, we are all one job loss away from potential homelessness and I am very aware of that and also why going back to minimum wage does not scare me, having no job is very worrisome to me, having a minimum wage job is not.)

I promise as soon as I quit (be it soon or in a longer while) and take a break from my field I will come back and update and disclose what my job is and maybe link an old AMA thread I did under another username, to answer questions about it. For now I just want to make sure I protect myself due to how much I am revealing by not giving my job title away as I don’t want to take the risk to burn bridges and have my situation worsen.

I’m from a similar back ground and I also focused on buying a property, small ex council house. I was so focused that when I brought my house I then concentrated on paying off the mortgage, I worked hard, did overtime etc

I ‘forget’ to have a next goal - and I can see you are doing the same -

So what’s next? Husband? Children? Travel? Education?

You have choices and you need to research and make a move. Once you have a plan you will be more in control.

OP, you have done really well for yourself to be earning such a high income.
Well done!!!!!!!!

Can i ask?

Do you have kids?

How long have you been on 14k a month? Is that after tax?

I ask because I would have expected to see more than 50K in savings. What is the 14K a month being spent on?

Have you got ISA accounts? SIPP accounts?

I trust you have sought legal advice for buying a house with someone and having to put in more than the other person into buying and renovating the home. Who will manage the renting aspect, manage the tenants, maintenance etc on the 2nd property?

If you have to dip into your 50k savings to secure the 2nd property, 50K will not last you long especially as it is uninvested.

I understand the just wanting to quit your job and walk away. I am in similar shoes (stressful working conditions, constant microaggressoons, insults, discrimination etc). I am stressed miserable and fantasise constantly about other jobs. My mental health is crap and I work constantly to keep it from totally conking out. I have decided to leave my job and yes, my colleagues think i am stupid for leaving and even think it's because i am weak...others think it is because I am low quality. I can't wait to leave and thought my last day was going to be March this year but after assessing my finances thoroughly it could not happen. I felt so broken when I realised that but i have to plan it properly because of DC, dependent parent etc, so I have to stick it out for next 7 months. And i am stressed and hating it every day (high acuity NHS job).
But the thought that i would be leaving soon is keeping me from totally losing the plot.

Please, plan well. Secure your future. Your future is longer than your present. The future lasts a loooong time.
I think that knowing you will be getting out of that job soon should help your mental health and keep it from going haywire.

Invest in getting a financial adviser or in educating yourself financially.
But please, sort your future first b4 you quit.