To want to quit my very high paying job & go back to earning minimum wage for the sake of my mental health?

[WannaQuit]

Just want to start this thread by saying this is in no way an humble brag, and is just me trying to figure out if I am about to make the biggest mistake of my life by leaving my job behind and the salary that comes with it, or if I am right in thinking that mental health is more important and that while, yes, I will miss the income, I should be alright and won’t regret prioritizing my peace of mind and mental health which is what I am absolutely dying to do right now.

It’s gonna be long sorry but it’s such a life changing decision I would rather give as many details as possible than not enough so:

For background:

I am soon to be 30, and come from a very poor family with lots of abusive and toxic behavior, violence, social services and food banks were part of my childhood and is a big reason why I have made the choices I have made this far life wise, and also why it’s hard to currently make the choice I want to make without guilt and without questioning myself.

Mental health is normally absolutely paramount to me, as I have fought so so hard to go back to having a decent mental health after leaving my home at age 16 (currently still in therapy) but, I feel I have given up on it for money lately and on the other hand, growing up with scarsity has made me both resourceful when it comes to making money and developing my earning potential yet also VERY anxious about making any decision that negatively impact my finances.

That’s for the personal background.

Now here is my dilemma:

Over the last decade I have gone from earning well below minimum wage to earning way above what I could have ever hoped for. My current salary is about £14k a month. That’s beyond what I could ever hope to earn and also pretty much a salary I will never find again if I quit (even if I was to stick to what I do career wise at that level, I think I could go back to a £4-5k a month job, or maybeee and that would be a big maybe 7-8k) .

On the other hand for that amount of money I pretty much have no life. I need to be available 24/7, (not rare that I have finished working at 3am and then been expected to be up for work again at 6am for example).

My current working environment is also not the best. In fact it’s pretty poor.

There is is a massive lack of communication (which at times feels massively purposeful)
making everything a lot more stressful than it needs to be, my boss goes through massive mood swings that make the work environment a place where walking on eggshells is the norm and a daily occurrence. I have gone through endless passive aggressive behaviors as well as been at the receiving end of plenty of ongoing rudeness and genuinely abusive behaviors, that topped with endless schedule changes and no appreciation whatsoever. It’s ROUGH. Genuinely rough. And honestly mentally I have been feeling more and more broken as time go by.

I was in a two years relationship when starting this job as an example but this job put so much stress on me that my relationship didn’t survive, my job is also abroad so I am away from home a lot and that’s obviously hard on many levels and keeps me isolated a lot of the time.

I am at a point where I want to QUIT. I want to dedicate myself and my people time, I want to enjoy my home, I want to go back to feeling like I have a life and like my life matters, and I want to be there enough to be able to commit to doing things (going to the gym, piano lessons, fostering dogs/cats, seeing my therapist more regularly, that kind of thing that I absolutely have no possibility to do right now).

From a heart and mental health point of you my body is absolutely screaming at me to finally take that step and quit and enjoy a couple of months with no work and then going back to a much simpler life with a much lower salary (something along the lines of 20-30k a year which is still a lot more than what I was making 5 years ago). Yet as soon as I convince myself to take the step, my mind start panicking and thinking “what if I regret not holding on longer and saving more?” as obviously with this salary each month counts. A few months ago my plan was to quit next december, then it got reduced to August, then May and now I really feel like I need to bite the bullet and quit now (May is gonna be extremely busy and stressful and so I know I will be treated very poorly while working under the worst conditions likely.) Most people I am close to have either quit or are actually putting in their notice this month. It’s bad. (We don’t all earn the same but we are all equally burned out.)

From a financial point of view I am only 29 but I have tried to make “smart” choices along the way (within my limited knowledge and low financial education) and tried to secure my future as much as I could, but again I come from a poor family with massive money management issues so I am afraid what I think is secured investments and the right choices to normally be okay if I quit, are NOT actually as smart or as secure as I think and obviously my family and everyone who knows my salary keeps pushing for me to stay in this job for the money (but have no clue what it’s like to actually work at the capacity I work at) and I keep doubting myself as a result.

Currently my financial situation is as followed:

• Saving wise I have about 50k saved up (they are on saving accounts so do bring me a little bit in interests each year, I do not know enough about investing to invest them nor am I willing to risk them as they are my main tangible way out of this job.

• Housing wise I have bought my first property outright 2 years ago, it’s in a touristy city by the sea (not in the UK) and it’s where I reside when not at work. It’s in a country where property is still affordable so not an expensive property but it has doubled in value since I have bought it (not that it matters because it’s my home and I have absolutely no intention of selling it but just to express that worst case scenario I do have a home I could sell, and it’s in my sole name as I have bought it alone.)

• Currently I am in the process of buying a second property with someone very very close and dear to me (not a partner), I could have done without buying a second property but I really wanted that person to get access to the housing ladder and I know my salary would easily allow for us to get a joint mortgage something this person wouldn’t be able to do alone. We have been approved for a 100% mortgage. This property is located in a better area than my own home and therefore cost double what I have paid mine, but it’s an investment for both of us and the goal is to rent it out and it should easily both pay for itself and give us a little something on top (+ it’s very likely to increase in value short to long-term). The property requires some work not too much but likely about 10k worth so half of that would have to come out of my savings if not a bit more and obviously before it’s rented we would have to pay the repayments (£600/month so £300 each).

• I have a small debt linked to my first apartment, I could technically pay it off right now with my savings but I have just been following the payment plan. But obviously don’t want to stop paying if I quit.

So that’s about it, that’s the global vision of my current situation. I am extremely aware of how lucky I am. I know I have a lot more than most at not yet 30 than many will even have in their lives and I am extremely grateful to have what I have and be where I am at. On the other hand I am beyond stressed, and I feel that once you start earning a certain amount there is this monumental pressure to stay at that level and keep working harder and harder, but honestly I dream of getting back to my old life when I actually had a life, and where I didn’t sell my soul for money. I dream of doing a simple job even for minimum wage and going home every night and being PRESENT. But am I being naive? Like I have said, even 5 years ago I was still earning below minimum wage and worrying about money so it’s definitely not lost on me how lucky I am and also what the reality is. But I feel the choices I have made along the way mean that even if I was to go back to a minimum wage job I should still be okay, and less stressed? But am I being massively delusional? Parts of me feel like if I can’t relax now when I have all of this when will I ever feel like I can (I don’t have kids). But I am also currently massively massively burned out, so I am scared I will regret my decision no matter which one I take.

So what would you if you were me? Would you quit your job and accept the massive hit financially to get your life and mental health back? Or would you keep going for a while even if it means no personal life for as long as you keep at it? There will always be the possibility to get back to this career (at a much lower salary) if I quit, as I have now made a bit of a name for myself in the industry and don’t think I will lose that, but if I do quit I 100% need a proper break from this career, I have had many panic attacks this year (something I had never had before) due to this job and so would need to work in something else entirely for a while if I want my mental health to have a shot at recovering, so it’s very likely I would go back to minimum wage or 30k/year max if I am lucky in any other industry due lack of experience and studies.

I appreciate all opinions and advice including those telling me to give myself a wobble, just remember that my mental health is not currently at its best so try not to be too cruel if possible in your messages. I have massive anxieties related to both finances and abuse due to my background and I currently feel like having to pick abuse for money or lose my financial safety to stop abuse and it is an anxiety filled decision for me. I have also felt the need to name change because I have shared way too many personal information in this post but I am a long-standing member of Mumsnet.

Thank you in advance for any and all advice/ answers, I genuinely appreciate anyone taking the time to share their opinion and help me out in this decision.

Quit. You have your own property and substantial savings, and you're only 29 so have plenty of time to build up your career in another direction.

I agree with PPs that it's not a binary choice between the current job and minimum wage. There will be so many options in between but it's hard for you to see that now when your horrible job is all consuming.

I think you need a bit of time to recover and get your head straight, and you've well and truly earned the right to do that.

From your limited descriptions, we could be working in the same industry! My hours are very similar to yours, and my salary is similar also. The amount of times I've thought about giving it all up to work in a less stressful field ? I've lost count! However, if I were you, I think I would stick at it for another 12 months or so tbh. Your current savings won't last that long, but it would help to add to them. Would you be able to take a sabbatical?

Small point but how will you remortgage the house then if it’s 100pc mortgage and the other person doesn’t earn much? How long is the product for?

I think I've just found your AMA. Sorry, i was really intrigued!

Were you earning about half of what you earn now when you posted it?

I'm pretty sure it's you, same writing style etc. And it all makes sense, it is very niche.

What about job sharing? There will definitely be others doing this job who feel the same as you, I'm guessing you will know some of them. Could you and one other approach a new employer together and ask to do 3/4 days each?

I haven't read the entire thread but I've read some of it and all your own posts, OP. I'm going to try and mention a few things it's possible others haven't.

I don't know what country you're in but having seen what you've said about no employment contract etc, I want to check some things. Does your employer have control of your passport day to day, or do you? With your nationality, should you have a visa to work in the country you're working in? If so, do you have one? The reason I'm asking these things is I'm trying to mitigate the risks if you do decide to walk away. Your employer obviously needs you extensively and isn't going to find it easy to replace you quickly. They are not going to be happy if you walk. This is a dangerous time for you. They are clearly very wealthy, potentially very influential and you need to ensure you can walk away safely. Is your home that you own in the same country as where you're currently living and working? I'm going to assume not. When you go home on that 2 week break, take a lot of your stuff with you - anything that's really important for you. Give yourself the option to walk away easily and cleanly, unencumbered by the complexity of 'stuff'. Think about what your plan is if your employer 'turns nasty'.

On a different note, I agree with others that you've done incredibly well to achieve what you have - well done. Somebody who has achieved what you have despite the disadvantages of your situation in childhood can absolutely start again at what is a very young age, redefine what 'success' looks like for them and then achieve it - whether that's getting that degree or qualification, or just doing something completely different where you work up from the bottom. The money you have has given you CHOICES - which is all that money really does. Well done. But I would just caution you that £50k isn't that much money. Yes, I'm sorry to the many people who will disagree, I know it's a lot of money to most, myself included. However, it won't last forever. From that point of view, every month you can hang on in your current job will buy you up to a year of cheap living - think of it like that.

My sense is that you need to very much get out sooner rather than later, but you may not know HOW soon until you've had a break away from it and can better assess just how bad things are and how you really feel. When you're running on adrenaline as you are, it's difficult. Tempting though it is to say 'just walk', if you reflect on it you may find that you can put together an 'escape plan' that makes you feel better able to cope for a relatively short period of time (say, 3 months, but I'm pulling that out of the air, length of time to be determined by you).

It's possible that the decision will almost be made for you - burnout is a dreadful thing and often hits people when they stop for some reason, as you're about to. However if you're lucky - and the coherence with which you've approached this thread suggests you're still able to cope perhaps better than you think - you'll be able to use the time to calmly reassess where you are and make some cold-hearted business decisions.

I've taken some jobs just for the money and I've had some truly toxic ones - not quite as extreme as you but 70+ hours a week and 'always on'. People who have never done that don't quite understand: I do. But I will tell you that knowing you can walk away at any time and/or that you have a plan and you know exactly why you're (still) doing what you're doing, can really help with coping for a period.

With a broader view, the world is a sh1tshow right now and economically speaking I can only see this continuing for a long time. It's not the best time to put yourself into financial jeopardy. Anyone who has enough means to have the luxury of thinking like this should be working out how to cushion themselves against a series of financial risks. That's an unfortunate backdrop for you escaping from your current hell.

When all's said and done, it is undoubtedly true that health and mental health are far more important than anything else. The problem is that, as you are well aware, poor physical and mental health can come from huge amounts of financial stress. Whilst you've done incredibly well to be in the position you're in at your age and with your background, you aren't in a position to retire yet even if you wanted to, so you will have to figure out some kind of plan for the rest of your life. Ideally you'd have plenty of time in which to do that - and a bit more of a financial buffer will make that a lot less stressful. As somebody who has chosen to work on a self-employed basis precisely to be able to have periods without working, I can tell you that I've only rarely met anyone who can really handle watching that bank balance going down with total calm! I enjoy my periods of time off and make the most of them, but my background anxiety grows until the point where I feel the need to make more money...

Ultimately, if at any point you really feel you can't go on, walk away and take a decent break. Seems like most people on here have full confidence in you! I'm just saying 2 things really:

1. try and plan it as best you can before you do it to make it safe and limit any damage that can be done by your employer
2. consider deferring the date from 'now' to 'sometime not very far off' to make things even more comfortable for yourself.

Whatever you decide, do let us know! and the very best of luck with it.

It's humbling OP to hear someone admit no matter their wealth they would have no desire to live in a posh house or drive a fancy car. I can relate to this although ask me if I would join those who admirably live on a minimum wage my answer would be no. If you feel you can't cope with the expectations of a a job which results in higher earnings than most then perhaps living from hand to mouth is something you would relish. Everyone is different & there is no shame in admitting you would be happy with little money but without the stress of the job your in at present. I'd give it 6 months before you would regret this decision. Ask your employers if you can take a few weeks off. Perhaps you should take a deep breath & tell yourself this phase won't be forever & try to be happy with your situation. If at the end of the day you really feel you can't take much more then it would be wise to seek professional help before making life changing decisions 💙

@Silvertulips

I think ironically my current goal is very very simple: being happy (?)

I feel I have focused on the financial side of things so much thinking it would bring me happiness to now realize I have actually forgotten to be happy, truly happy, along the way and to enjoy the little moment instead of letting them pass right through me because I am prioritizing reaching my other goals.

Tbh I don’t have any other goal right now because I feel my body craves to feel this so much everything else seems massively irrelevant right now. Which is interesting to me because I have always needed goals to feel happy and satisfied and never been into my feelings but now I feel my body needs to feel and wants to feel (ideally good things). So I guess that’s now my goal?

A bit of a strange goal maybe haha.

But I have recently discovered I can also cry of happiness not just sadness and it was a nice experience, I would like to repeat.

As for kids etc… I used to want them and want them young, but I feel so overwhelmed and stress that I am in no capacity to have the right now, I know I need a few years of a more balanced life and more “me time” before I can give it a proper thought and potentially go for it. What’s hard is that my current job does not allow for me having kids as it’s too intense but kids are expensive and so that’s this catch-22, where I feel if I am gonna have kids I should secure their future NOW before having them, but parts of me feel like if I keep working the way I work now I will ironically never have them because I will both never have time to meet someone I could want to have them with, and 2- will miss the boat (because I am soon 30 and while I have a good decade still I do know I don’t want to be a mom in my 40’s).

I think if I followed my heart right now I would quit, take the risk of working part-time and going back to studying, graduate and start working again full-time but in something new, with a purpose and that (hopefully) suit me.

Again I feel my goal is to be happy so I am leaning towards going for a job that might bring me joy and a purpose over lots of money.

Just scared I will do that and in 5 years regret having left the money that come with my current career behind especially in exchange for barely earning anything during 5 years in comparison, and taking a leap of faith.

Just pointing out that if you're paying tax in the UK, we've just ticked over a tax year, so if you can stick out another few months you'll get to keep most of the pay. If you're going to quit anyway, dont bother working the full year, by the end of the year the tax won't be worth it.
If you've got a house owned outright, happy to live frugally etc, go for it, but if you're planning to quit don't get a mortgage with someone else. Worst case scenario they stop paying and you're on the hook for the whole mortgage with no income. It's nice to help people but if you're only able to help them because of your income, you can either help them or quit your job, but to do both would be very risky.

OP I think I remember you from previous threads a while back possibly about your partner / potentially plans for children on the horizon (sorry if I've got wrong person). It might even have been over whether to take this job. You sound so kind and hard working and have done so well for yourself. Whatever happens now be proud of that!

People are saying stick it out for a year but it sounds like you won't last another 12 months frankly.

Listen to your body. There are lots of jobs, but you only get one body.

Could you carry on for maybe just one or two months, pocket another 28k then walk?

You may not feel like it right now, but you are rich. It's time to start acting like a rich person.

1 Check your work's manual and their sick pay policy and go to your doctor and get a sick note (this can be extended if needed later)

2 Take the maximum time you can for paid extended sick leave and duck out asap.

3 Use this time to rest a recoup on their dime. Whatever you do next, remember there is always enough money for rich people like you. If you need more money you can get some. Be brave.

4 Pay experts! Don't ask Mumsnet or whatever. You are rich remember! Get yourself a decent therapist. Get a coach to help plan your exit strategy and help you figure out next steps. Get an accountant and a wealth advisor.

5 Remove any extra stress with the money you have. Remove your debt and pay off all your bills on time. Get a cleaner and one of those weekly food delivery services so you don't have to worry what's for dinner.

Focus on yourself. Be selfish. You are worth it.

Good luck!

OP, i have now read all your posts.
I get it. I get your concerns.
I also get your body is screaming for ease and your mental health is teetering. I get it.

I really wish I could advice and add my voice to all those saying Quit now but, I can't.

I also belong to a few minority groups.. i suspect a couple are exactly the same as yours. And i know how hard it is to get to such a position as yours.
In my team, heck in my entire department , I am the only one. I know how hard i have worked to get here in spite of all the obstacles. It's because I know that opportunities do not abound for someone like me, that's why i have to stick with my job and try and properly secure my financial future.

And that's why, i can't say quit now. That's why my advice is make the best of your current position to improve your savings, money put away b4 you quit.

Sending 🫂 i understand your struggle.

make sure you do proper research into what you are going to study as a lot of careers look good on paper but the reality of them is much much different and you could go from the frying pan into the fire after 5 years of study

The career I’m in took 5 years full time study and an extra 2 years studying while working, a lot of people are impressed when I say what I do but the reality is that it is very stressfull and I’m not paid a third or what you are currently on

What are your sick leave options? Mental health is an entirely valid reason to take sick leave. Assuming it’s good - I’d take as much sick leave as I could to work out next steps for exactly how to get out of that environment

Health is Wealth

My story isnt with such high pay, but I went from FT middle management with the NHS to part time NMW ( usually on zero hours ) and Im still alive to tell the tale

I was 39 when I had a complete breakdown in that job. I had a year sick then went back on a staggered return, realised I was cracking again and realised my health was worth more then the salary/pension/security etc and jacked - the thought of going through the medical retirement channel was too much to contemplate

Do I miss the money? Well now in these times I do, but no. Pressure off, the 14 hour days, meant I was home which took the pressure off living expenses

We ( dh went part time 10 years ago ) live within our means, so we are no longer at the beck and call . Right now its not easy but its a blip, and either one of us can pick up hours if we really need them, but we are just so much happier being home rather then sat in traffic and listening to crap whilst working

My mum nagged me into leaving shop work - which I loved - and taking a job in the NHS - because of the kudos , she didn't like that she had a shop worker daughter, and I hated every bloody minute, Since then Ive always worked in either hospitality or shops and have never been happier

Find a job you love, and you never work another day in your life Its true

I would strongly advise against buying the second property now.
You do not need the extra stress
With the current financial issues in the world, there is no property that is guaranteed to increase in value (or to achieve a high rent)
Although you are 50% owners, if your friend can’t pay their half of the mortgage the lender will go after your savings (jointly & severally liable)

OP, I could be totally wrong here. Having skim read the thread my instinct is your job involves caring for children & a huge house belonging to an extremely wealthy & busy couple. If I'm correct then hats off to you. If I'm wrong then apologies for the suggestion. Whatever the situation I hope you ask for a break. I'm sure your employers would understand xx

@ThankULord

Thank you so much and very glad you are soon to be leaving your toxic work environment, I can definitely imagine that knowing it’s almost over help, me thinking those might be my last few days help me smile BIG. Also completely understand that those choices are so much harder with dependents.

I have no kids no, and I am only on my current salary since a few months (renegotiated my pay and managed for them to double my salary so for those who know who I am and asked the question about my pay, here is the answer) but a few months ago I was “only” earning half of what I earn now and therefore saving less, I have also been treating and financially helping people I love a lot, it’s ironic because I am scared of my financial security but then strongly believe money is made to be shared so I do spend a fair amount on others.

So between me buying a property cash two years ago; having a lower salary until recently, and renovating my own flat + helping out people, paying off that debt and treating myself every now and again, that’s the reason behind my low savings (in comparison to my salary).

I am not from the UK so not too sure about savings options in the UK and I am very financially illiterate when it comes to investments (hence why you are right and a financial advisors might be a good idea) but currently have almost all the savings accounts my bank offers if that was your question?

As for the property I didn’t want to say in my opening post as it makes everything even more outing but the person I am buying with is a younger sibling. Yes the idea of a new mortgage stresses me out, A LOT, especially as I have technically never had a mortgage and paying a property outright was also for the peace of mind that that provides so now having a mortgage feels a bit silly, but also I made a promise to myself that if I ever got myself out of poverty I wasn’t leaving anyone behind. It’s so important to me. So technically this property I am only buying so this sibling can have a shot at owning something and from then on have an easier time financially. It doesn’t make financial sense to me but sometimes (and it’s one of those times) not everything needs to make financial sense to me. It makes financial sense for said sibling and so for them I am keen (well keen maybe not haha but “willing”) to take on that risk.

Normally we will both invest 50/50 in the whole project but I earn so much more so it makes sense that it might be easiest for me to upfront the costs and I am willing to spend a bit more than them anyway because I am already very lucky to have a property paid for (my sibling rents and will continue to rent so they have a lot more outgoing than I do in proportion to their salary so it feels “fair”.)

Hope I have answered everything.

its very late so off to bed now but will answer what I can whenever I get a minute, thank you again everyone for all the kindness and support/advice and shared stories. I am reading everything.

It's Harry & Meghan's nanny.
No doubt.

Quit your job. Life is too short to be constantly stressed and verging on burnout. 4-5k a month is still a really good salary when you decide to go back to work in your field. All the money in the world isn’t worth your health x

Given you have savings and property I would look to change your work life. However don’t look for min wage jobs. They have their own stress and aren’t all that easy and after being paid a significant amount for your time may resent only getting a measly £12 hr (like most on low wages). Perhaps don’t quit outright but look to your industry for better options or side step.

OP, you sound like a decent person. Sorry you are going through such a hard time at the moment.
Could you last until the end of the year? Knowing there is an end in sight might help and you can have a bit more time to save some money. If you don’t think you can get through until then, I’d be inclined to bite the bullet and leave before then.

I have every confidence in you that you’ll find another opportunity (that’s better for your mental health). The salary may not be as high, but it sounds like the high salary is at a price.

if you knew you only had a year to live, what would you do?

What was it? Job wise?

The sleep deprivation of your job and isolation will absolutely be clouding impacting your experience. You have done remarkably well to earn so well to date but you know that has come at a cost. You don’t need permission to quit, but if you do we give it to you. If you don’t decide to quit is there anyway you can enhance the role you are in now in any shape or form? the role with someone else- would your employer be keen? In the line of work you do is there other contracts you could take elsewhere that might be be better or are you “ stuck “ with this employer ? You mentioned previously employers, good reputation etc are there anyone you could reach out to suss our job options for after you take a break?
you are isolated in your current job, that social deprivation will absolutely be impacting your mental state- are there other employees? Do you have others in your work setting that you can chat with, make connection with etc? I really feel for you, life is for living not to be miserable and feeling stuck. You have a property, savings and without a doubt a good work ethic and I am absolutely sure you deserve a much better quality of life! We are cheering you on!

I wouldn’t quite for a minimum wage job.
Instead, take a sabbatical. If they won’t grant you one, then quit with the aim of taking 6 months out to take time entirely to yourself, and think things through.
If you could get a less stressful job earning even 4-5k a month (consider part time work) with no mortgage to pay and with the income from your rental, you should have a very nice quality of life indeed.

Quit the job, it’s not worth it. If the employer wanted rid of you, you’d be toast tomorrow and they’d get someone new in.