To want to quit my very high paying job & go back to earning minimum wage for the sake of my mental health?

[WannaQuit]

Just want to start this thread by saying this is in no way an humble brag, and is just me trying to figure out if I am about to make the biggest mistake of my life by leaving my job behind and the salary that comes with it, or if I am right in thinking that mental health is more important and that while, yes, I will miss the income, I should be alright and won’t regret prioritizing my peace of mind and mental health which is what I am absolutely dying to do right now.

It’s gonna be long sorry but it’s such a life changing decision I would rather give as many details as possible than not enough so:

For background:

I am soon to be 30, and come from a very poor family with lots of abusive and toxic behavior, violence, social services and food banks were part of my childhood and is a big reason why I have made the choices I have made this far life wise, and also why it’s hard to currently make the choice I want to make without guilt and without questioning myself.

Mental health is normally absolutely paramount to me, as I have fought so so hard to go back to having a decent mental health after leaving my home at age 16 (currently still in therapy) but, I feel I have given up on it for money lately and on the other hand, growing up with scarsity has made me both resourceful when it comes to making money and developing my earning potential yet also VERY anxious about making any decision that negatively impact my finances.

That’s for the personal background.

Now here is my dilemma:

Over the last decade I have gone from earning well below minimum wage to earning way above what I could have ever hoped for. My current salary is about £14k a month. That’s beyond what I could ever hope to earn and also pretty much a salary I will never find again if I quit (even if I was to stick to what I do career wise at that level, I think I could go back to a £4-5k a month job, or maybeee and that would be a big maybe 7-8k) .

On the other hand for that amount of money I pretty much have no life. I need to be available 24/7, (not rare that I have finished working at 3am and then been expected to be up for work again at 6am for example).

My current working environment is also not the best. In fact it’s pretty poor.

There is is a massive lack of communication (which at times feels massively purposeful)
making everything a lot more stressful than it needs to be, my boss goes through massive mood swings that make the work environment a place where walking on eggshells is the norm and a daily occurrence. I have gone through endless passive aggressive behaviors as well as been at the receiving end of plenty of ongoing rudeness and genuinely abusive behaviors, that topped with endless schedule changes and no appreciation whatsoever. It’s ROUGH. Genuinely rough. And honestly mentally I have been feeling more and more broken as time go by.

I was in a two years relationship when starting this job as an example but this job put so much stress on me that my relationship didn’t survive, my job is also abroad so I am away from home a lot and that’s obviously hard on many levels and keeps me isolated a lot of the time.

I am at a point where I want to QUIT. I want to dedicate myself and my people time, I want to enjoy my home, I want to go back to feeling like I have a life and like my life matters, and I want to be there enough to be able to commit to doing things (going to the gym, piano lessons, fostering dogs/cats, seeing my therapist more regularly, that kind of thing that I absolutely have no possibility to do right now).

From a heart and mental health point of you my body is absolutely screaming at me to finally take that step and quit and enjoy a couple of months with no work and then going back to a much simpler life with a much lower salary (something along the lines of 20-30k a year which is still a lot more than what I was making 5 years ago). Yet as soon as I convince myself to take the step, my mind start panicking and thinking “what if I regret not holding on longer and saving more?” as obviously with this salary each month counts. A few months ago my plan was to quit next december, then it got reduced to August, then May and now I really feel like I need to bite the bullet and quit now (May is gonna be extremely busy and stressful and so I know I will be treated very poorly while working under the worst conditions likely.) Most people I am close to have either quit or are actually putting in their notice this month. It’s bad. (We don’t all earn the same but we are all equally burned out.)

From a financial point of view I am only 29 but I have tried to make “smart” choices along the way (within my limited knowledge and low financial education) and tried to secure my future as much as I could, but again I come from a poor family with massive money management issues so I am afraid what I think is secured investments and the right choices to normally be okay if I quit, are NOT actually as smart or as secure as I think and obviously my family and everyone who knows my salary keeps pushing for me to stay in this job for the money (but have no clue what it’s like to actually work at the capacity I work at) and I keep doubting myself as a result.

Currently my financial situation is as followed:

• Saving wise I have about 50k saved up (they are on saving accounts so do bring me a little bit in interests each year, I do not know enough about investing to invest them nor am I willing to risk them as they are my main tangible way out of this job.

• Housing wise I have bought my first property outright 2 years ago, it’s in a touristy city by the sea (not in the UK) and it’s where I reside when not at work. It’s in a country where property is still affordable so not an expensive property but it has doubled in value since I have bought it (not that it matters because it’s my home and I have absolutely no intention of selling it but just to express that worst case scenario I do have a home I could sell, and it’s in my sole name as I have bought it alone.)

• Currently I am in the process of buying a second property with someone very very close and dear to me (not a partner), I could have done without buying a second property but I really wanted that person to get access to the housing ladder and I know my salary would easily allow for us to get a joint mortgage something this person wouldn’t be able to do alone. We have been approved for a 100% mortgage. This property is located in a better area than my own home and therefore cost double what I have paid mine, but it’s an investment for both of us and the goal is to rent it out and it should easily both pay for itself and give us a little something on top (+ it’s very likely to increase in value short to long-term). The property requires some work not too much but likely about 10k worth so half of that would have to come out of my savings if not a bit more and obviously before it’s rented we would have to pay the repayments (£600/month so £300 each).

• I have a small debt linked to my first apartment, I could technically pay it off right now with my savings but I have just been following the payment plan. But obviously don’t want to stop paying if I quit.

So that’s about it, that’s the global vision of my current situation. I am extremely aware of how lucky I am. I know I have a lot more than most at not yet 30 than many will even have in their lives and I am extremely grateful to have what I have and be where I am at. On the other hand I am beyond stressed, and I feel that once you start earning a certain amount there is this monumental pressure to stay at that level and keep working harder and harder, but honestly I dream of getting back to my old life when I actually had a life, and where I didn’t sell my soul for money. I dream of doing a simple job even for minimum wage and going home every night and being PRESENT. But am I being naive? Like I have said, even 5 years ago I was still earning below minimum wage and worrying about money so it’s definitely not lost on me how lucky I am and also what the reality is. But I feel the choices I have made along the way mean that even if I was to go back to a minimum wage job I should still be okay, and less stressed? But am I being massively delusional? Parts of me feel like if I can’t relax now when I have all of this when will I ever feel like I can (I don’t have kids). But I am also currently massively massively burned out, so I am scared I will regret my decision no matter which one I take.

So what would you if you were me? Would you quit your job and accept the massive hit financially to get your life and mental health back? Or would you keep going for a while even if it means no personal life for as long as you keep at it? There will always be the possibility to get back to this career (at a much lower salary) if I quit, as I have now made a bit of a name for myself in the industry and don’t think I will lose that, but if I do quit I 100% need a proper break from this career, I have had many panic attacks this year (something I had never had before) due to this job and so would need to work in something else entirely for a while if I want my mental health to have a shot at recovering, so it’s very likely I would go back to minimum wage or 30k/year max if I am lucky in any other industry due lack of experience and studies.

I appreciate all opinions and advice including those telling me to give myself a wobble, just remember that my mental health is not currently at its best so try not to be too cruel if possible in your messages. I have massive anxieties related to both finances and abuse due to my background and I currently feel like having to pick abuse for money or lose my financial safety to stop abuse and it is an anxiety filled decision for me. I have also felt the need to name change because I have shared way too many personal information in this post but I am a long-standing member of Mumsnet.

Thank you in advance for any and all advice/ answers, I genuinely appreciate anyone taking the time to share their opinion and help me out in this decision.

Working on a minimum wage job is highly stressful. Yes you have £50k saved (that will disappear) and you own a property (thst will need maintenance, bills paid, rtc) hobbies are not cheap.

my all means leave that horrible job you have now, find something better, but not minimum wage! You are still young.

@WannaQuit these aren’t binary choices. You’ve clearly done brilliantly in skills and effort to get to where you are. You clearly have valuable and marketable skills and talents and the will to push on through. I’ve also done those well paying and ‘greedy’ jobs that suck up your life- my ascent was less rapid than yours but meant I had time to bu8ld my financial cushion. I quit the greedy job, bought a house outright where I wanted to live, and work 2 days a week for a charity on a good salary that lets me live comfortably but low stress. You haven’t built up a huge cushion- you could live cheap for a couple of years but after earning that well I’m sure you can find things that earn you a lot more than minimum wage but without the whole life commitment that the silly money jobs often take. Quit if you have to now, but I think you’d be better served to commit to looking for lower stress options that still use your enormous talents and give you options for the future x

I would say that I have worked for prestigous companies in my 20s and they try and make you believe that there is nowhere else as good to work, noone else will pay you well, and that if you leave you willbe on the scrap heap. Its totally not true, once you take the leap to leave its such a good feeling. I left and spent a late 20s summer in ibiza and thought i would be the oldest one there. Nope, not at all. Plenty of people in late 20s and early 30s who had quit or were on sabatticals from banking, finance, law, media, tech etc. You arent the first and not the last to feel like this at your stage of life and many people do take the leap and take a year out to find themselves after burn out.

I did the same recently, albeit I was on a lesser salary / working less hours. My mental health took a battering due to a toxic boss and I quit with nothing lined up.

Currently in my first week of unemployment and it feels so good to not have to spend my evenings riddled with anxiety, crying and dreading work the next day.

I'm lucky that I have some savings to cover the mortgage and bills for the next 6 months+. My plan is to spend the next month doing life admin / decorating the house / travel before deciding on what I want to do next.

Today I've started applying for local minimum wage jobs just so I can have some income coming in, and to not deplete my savings too much.

You are in a much better financial situation than me OP, I would say go for it. Good luck!

Your mental health and well being is far more important. My friend quit her decent paying job to go and work as a teaching assistant. She said it was the best thing she could have done at the time. But she did have a high earning husband for support. After some time doing that role she now has gone back into the field of earning a high salary. She says it was the best thing to do at the time for her mental health.

About my job I can’t give too many details as it would be so outing (though I did create an AMA about my job a long while back that I might resurrect once it’s all done and dusted and link here) and I am worried about the consequences.

But, I don’t work an office job, it’s a very niche job, and there is kind of no way to transfer in any kind of way. I could change bosses (to do so I would have to quit anyway and start over in a completely new environment and hope it’s better), I have had many other bosses in the same field on a lower salary (though still high) and unfortunately abuse is just extremely common in this field as is the expectation to be available 24/7 and put your life on pause. The work conditions in the field have actually become worse over the last decade. There is also no way for me to do that job where I live it’s too niche so it will always be abroad and always or almost always under the same format.

Hence why if I quit I will need a break because while changing environment could lead to better working conditions (in terms of who I work for), I would still have to significantly lower my salary and still have to work abroad most of the time so the sacrifices would be similar on a personal level though my mental health would be better than it is now.

About doing another 12 months, honestly I think 12 months just isn’t possible for me on a mental health level. I could mayyyyybe do 6 months and even then I am really scared of the consequences of that, but 12 I think I would genuinely reach the suicidal stages mentally. I don’t want to be flippant as I know I have so many things to be grateful for (and I am) but this job is massively isolating (geographically, emotionally, socially) and the work conditions makes it really hard to get through each day. I have had so many dark thoughts over the last few months when at work and thankfully I started this job on a good mental health basis, so that’s been carrying me through quite well, but also each day here eats at my mental health, little by little and I see my will disappear little by little and it becoming harder and harder. I am not intending to let any dark thoughts win but I also don’t want to push myself towards a point where I would need further years of therapy to recover from those extra 12 months of work. I already need therapy for so many things, and it’s been very helpful but what’s hard is that currently I can’t have the therapy that I need because I can’t commit to any appointments due to needing to be available whenever I am needed. I do talk to her once a month but I am conscious it’s not enough.

I also live at work so there is no escaping work when at work so often it’s really no escape from my work environment for weeks at a time (until my free time) which adds to the mental toll.

Again all this information is very specific hence why I can’t really give my work title. All I can say is that I work in a field that’s normally not paid well, its pure luck (and I guess some dedication too) that made end up on the very niche but wealthy sides of things.

Due to leaving home early and really struggling financially the first few years I never got to finish any studies beyond high school and only ever have experience in what I do. Hence why I know that there is proper middle ground for me, if I take a career break I just don’t have the profile to earn much above minimum wage. Hence why it’s a tough call. It’s pretty much either I stay in this field and take the sacrifices that come with it or accept that I have no experience nor diploma and therefore work wise will likely have to start at the very bottom. It’s fine it’s a pure miracle I made it to where I am at career wise and salary wise but honestly I currently daydream about being a cashier or receptionist right this minute (not saying they aren’t hard work as I am sure they are) but just feeling ready to break away from my current career and try something new, anything new.

You need to leave the job. A mental breakdown is very difficult to recover from and leaves a horrible mark on the rest of your life.

I’m absolutely desperate to know what you do though!Are you on the oil rigs?

What’s money for op? Always ask yourself that question.

For security or status or freedom to make choices? For me, freedom is the most important part.

Do you work for Harry and Meghan 😜

I think you are really underestimating yourself tbh. If you are really struggling that much then do quit- no job is worth going mad, but no matter how niche it is you must have great sales, or technical knowledge, or just sheer bloody work to get to what you have achieved. It might not be as good in another industry but the idea you have no transferable skills just seems like a lack of self confidence. You might really benefit from paying a coach or career counsellor to help you look at yourself more positively and also to think about other options.

I was thinking au pair or nanny

Ah other relevant piece of information, sorry if it’s a drip feed.

But parts of the abusive work situation I am in involve the fact that I currently don’t have any contract despite me begging for it, and them saying it’s coming, it still has yet to come (I have been working here over a year, ahem!), to not be earning so much illegally I have used my self-employed status which is illegal anyway as I only work here, and obviously that’s not what was ever agreed but I was trying to be on the more legal side of the law and declare my income somehow. (I think my boss would rather pay me cash and forget about the law?)

But because I don’t have a contract I don’t technically owe anyone any notice (and due to the abuse I don’t think it would be best to give notice which is odd for me as naturally I would always rather do the right thing than the safe thing), but because I am not currently employed I don’t have a contract I also will not get any unemployment money or severance money or anything of the sort and they could chose not to pay me if I give any notice (which I feel would happen).

Honestly that’s where I feel like both my age and lack of experience financial education shows, I should have walked away the second they started with excuses about why the contract was delayed instead I have tried to accommodate because the pay seemed worth the “wait” but a bit over a year later I now realize I have financially been a bit of a fool.
as it would have likely been better to work somewhere where I was paid less but was fully employed as planned than be in the mess/situation I am in.

I was thinking the same thing. A year longer, give yourself an end date. And quit that month

I think you are a governess, possibly working in the Middle East, possibly for a royal family. I did the same for many years for about half what you get but net, it has set me up for life really and given me so many choices but it was the hardest thing I have ever done and there is no switch off ever, sorry if I’m wrong but I just recognise so much of what you are describing including being catapulted to sudden wealth

Well the choice isn’t do a stressful high earning job you hate or earn minimum wage - there is a middle ground.

Earning minimum wage isn’t going to help your mental health any.

So I would stop being so extreme and work towards a middle ground

Don’t think so, she doesn’t have a degree

Some kind of butler maybe

@GivingUpFinally Thank you!

(love the username obviously!!!)

I am leaning towards it’s the point where I am at right now. Which is hard because parts of me wants to try and hang on longer and keep saving more and investing more to be more secure but when I think about the reality of what that would mean for me to do that I want to cry.

I am due a break soon for two weeks before heading back to work those are the days I want to take while at home to see how I feel once I have had a bit of my life back but also the day where I want to decide I go back or not.

So I will listen to you and see how I feel during and towards the end of the break. it’s hard because the financially anxious side of me is screaming at me to keep going and do what you suggest because it knows it’s a golden opportunity saving wise and that I will never get that opportunity again, ever, and I feel so much pressure to not “let it pass me by”, but the rest of my body is crying and screaming at me that it’s so so broken and tired and that it’s 29 years of fighting for survival one way or another and that it just want some rest and some love.

So it’s hard. I want to give that love and rest to my body because it deserves it and I know it needs it, I also want to give it the peace of mind to know I have done everything to make sure we will never go amiss financially and that we will be secure, and so somehow I feel I will betray myself either way, because taking a break will activate my anxious side and not taking a break will further deteriorate my mental health in a completely different way.

I just wish I could win the lottery at this point so I could both quit and calm my nervous system down 🤣 (might have to start playing, just in case!)

It sounds like you've done briiliantly and made astute financial decisions. It sounds like the tempatation to just leave is high, but perhaps sick leave is a good middle option?

You are not being dishonest to your employer, you sound very overwhelmed. Also it sounds like this is less about the money and more about repeating a survival pattern of behaviour. There's a gazillion different ways to make a good living, you really don't have to kill yourself like this. Wishing you all the best x

One of the biggest regrets of the dying is working too hard. YOu sound like you are very comfortable financially. I would do an extra six months and save every penny you have got and then get out.

You can still do a well paid job and live a good life.

You sound like an amazing person and this was such an interesting read. Despite your successes you are still so humble. Would love to know which industry you’re in. No job or amount of money are worth the toll your mental health, we don’t know how long we have here and life is for living. From the sensible financial decisions you’ve made up to now you should be absolutely fine!

I earned at similar level at similar age, but it was more less 9-6.
Your job sounds unreasonable.
Why do you have to be available 24/7? And why wouldn't you get job with that salary again?!
I worked in finance so ask away.
But based on info, you should be completely fine.
One thing to do is to think about maternity salary drop, if you'd like children in future. Pension too.
You are very young, you need to have fun/travel etc.

Don't do another 12 months, or even another six months at the expense of your health. Recovery isn't guaranteed.

£50,000 savings is plenty - you can walk away now if you need to.

i haven’t got enough life left to read all this

Your working hours are ridiculous and unsafe. Whatever the decision you cannot continue at this pace. Are you driving a lot? I had a colleague due in a car accident please do not take that risk.

Can you get someone independent to help you look at your job and work out how to make changes needed? Find someone that is recommended by others, someone with deep experience not just a psychologist pretty fresh out of uni.

Wishing you good luck. I personally have had jobs akin to this but not everyday. I sussed out how to change what I did, got my hours under control and stayed for 10 years.

Thank you, I will look into that.

Part of my problem is that I have been in the same field forever, so I have no idea how I would feel about other jobs, so maybe I am idealizing them in some ways?

No doubt like most people I would get bored of my job (whatever it is I would end up doing) and complain about them also. But I feel I have only ever known one version of me work wise due to only working in one field so part of my idea for this year (if I quit) was to try out a bunch of different jobs and see how I feel and where I could be good and where I am terrible.

My ideal job (on the paper!) requires at least 5 years of studies. I am heavily considering doing an online degree etc… and trying and working part- time locally, but I don’t know if I am being silly as no guarantee I will like it as much as I think I will and studying was never truly my favorite thing (back in the day lol, but I am a decade older now so, who knows). I am confident I could get the degree I am just scared to stop working full time to study something for 5 years I might like, to then maybe find out it’s not what I thought it was cut out to be and here I have lost another 5 years and much income possibilities by studying. I am almost 30 I don’t know if that would be smart? but on the other hand it’s a bit “now or never” because I feel later it would make even less sense to start studying.

So I either try to gain experience in different fields without studies and see how it goes, or go backwards and do the thing I never did and study hoping I love it and that it might lead to a job I both enjoy and could come with decent earnings or at the very least a purpose (which is most important to me).