To want to quit my very high paying job & go back to earning minimum wage for the sake of my mental health?

[WannaQuit]

Just want to start this thread by saying this is in no way an humble brag, and is just me trying to figure out if I am about to make the biggest mistake of my life by leaving my job behind and the salary that comes with it, or if I am right in thinking that mental health is more important and that while, yes, I will miss the income, I should be alright and won’t regret prioritizing my peace of mind and mental health which is what I am absolutely dying to do right now.

It’s gonna be long sorry but it’s such a life changing decision I would rather give as many details as possible than not enough so:

For background:

I am soon to be 30, and come from a very poor family with lots of abusive and toxic behavior, violence, social services and food banks were part of my childhood and is a big reason why I have made the choices I have made this far life wise, and also why it’s hard to currently make the choice I want to make without guilt and without questioning myself.

Mental health is normally absolutely paramount to me, as I have fought so so hard to go back to having a decent mental health after leaving my home at age 16 (currently still in therapy) but, I feel I have given up on it for money lately and on the other hand, growing up with scarsity has made me both resourceful when it comes to making money and developing my earning potential yet also VERY anxious about making any decision that negatively impact my finances.

That’s for the personal background.

Now here is my dilemma:

Over the last decade I have gone from earning well below minimum wage to earning way above what I could have ever hoped for. My current salary is about £14k a month. That’s beyond what I could ever hope to earn and also pretty much a salary I will never find again if I quit (even if I was to stick to what I do career wise at that level, I think I could go back to a £4-5k a month job, or maybeee and that would be a big maybe 7-8k) .

On the other hand for that amount of money I pretty much have no life. I need to be available 24/7, (not rare that I have finished working at 3am and then been expected to be up for work again at 6am for example).

My current working environment is also not the best. In fact it’s pretty poor.

There is is a massive lack of communication (which at times feels massively purposeful)
making everything a lot more stressful than it needs to be, my boss goes through massive mood swings that make the work environment a place where walking on eggshells is the norm and a daily occurrence. I have gone through endless passive aggressive behaviors as well as been at the receiving end of plenty of ongoing rudeness and genuinely abusive behaviors, that topped with endless schedule changes and no appreciation whatsoever. It’s ROUGH. Genuinely rough. And honestly mentally I have been feeling more and more broken as time go by.

I was in a two years relationship when starting this job as an example but this job put so much stress on me that my relationship didn’t survive, my job is also abroad so I am away from home a lot and that’s obviously hard on many levels and keeps me isolated a lot of the time.

I am at a point where I want to QUIT. I want to dedicate myself and my people time, I want to enjoy my home, I want to go back to feeling like I have a life and like my life matters, and I want to be there enough to be able to commit to doing things (going to the gym, piano lessons, fostering dogs/cats, seeing my therapist more regularly, that kind of thing that I absolutely have no possibility to do right now).

From a heart and mental health point of you my body is absolutely screaming at me to finally take that step and quit and enjoy a couple of months with no work and then going back to a much simpler life with a much lower salary (something along the lines of 20-30k a year which is still a lot more than what I was making 5 years ago). Yet as soon as I convince myself to take the step, my mind start panicking and thinking “what if I regret not holding on longer and saving more?” as obviously with this salary each month counts. A few months ago my plan was to quit next december, then it got reduced to August, then May and now I really feel like I need to bite the bullet and quit now (May is gonna be extremely busy and stressful and so I know I will be treated very poorly while working under the worst conditions likely.) Most people I am close to have either quit or are actually putting in their notice this month. It’s bad. (We don’t all earn the same but we are all equally burned out.)

From a financial point of view I am only 29 but I have tried to make “smart” choices along the way (within my limited knowledge and low financial education) and tried to secure my future as much as I could, but again I come from a poor family with massive money management issues so I am afraid what I think is secured investments and the right choices to normally be okay if I quit, are NOT actually as smart or as secure as I think and obviously my family and everyone who knows my salary keeps pushing for me to stay in this job for the money (but have no clue what it’s like to actually work at the capacity I work at) and I keep doubting myself as a result.

Currently my financial situation is as followed:

• Saving wise I have about 50k saved up (they are on saving accounts so do bring me a little bit in interests each year, I do not know enough about investing to invest them nor am I willing to risk them as they are my main tangible way out of this job.

• Housing wise I have bought my first property outright 2 years ago, it’s in a touristy city by the sea (not in the UK) and it’s where I reside when not at work. It’s in a country where property is still affordable so not an expensive property but it has doubled in value since I have bought it (not that it matters because it’s my home and I have absolutely no intention of selling it but just to express that worst case scenario I do have a home I could sell, and it’s in my sole name as I have bought it alone.)

• Currently I am in the process of buying a second property with someone very very close and dear to me (not a partner), I could have done without buying a second property but I really wanted that person to get access to the housing ladder and I know my salary would easily allow for us to get a joint mortgage something this person wouldn’t be able to do alone. We have been approved for a 100% mortgage. This property is located in a better area than my own home and therefore cost double what I have paid mine, but it’s an investment for both of us and the goal is to rent it out and it should easily both pay for itself and give us a little something on top (+ it’s very likely to increase in value short to long-term). The property requires some work not too much but likely about 10k worth so half of that would have to come out of my savings if not a bit more and obviously before it’s rented we would have to pay the repayments (£600/month so £300 each).

• I have a small debt linked to my first apartment, I could technically pay it off right now with my savings but I have just been following the payment plan. But obviously don’t want to stop paying if I quit.

So that’s about it, that’s the global vision of my current situation. I am extremely aware of how lucky I am. I know I have a lot more than most at not yet 30 than many will even have in their lives and I am extremely grateful to have what I have and be where I am at. On the other hand I am beyond stressed, and I feel that once you start earning a certain amount there is this monumental pressure to stay at that level and keep working harder and harder, but honestly I dream of getting back to my old life when I actually had a life, and where I didn’t sell my soul for money. I dream of doing a simple job even for minimum wage and going home every night and being PRESENT. But am I being naive? Like I have said, even 5 years ago I was still earning below minimum wage and worrying about money so it’s definitely not lost on me how lucky I am and also what the reality is. But I feel the choices I have made along the way mean that even if I was to go back to a minimum wage job I should still be okay, and less stressed? But am I being massively delusional? Parts of me feel like if I can’t relax now when I have all of this when will I ever feel like I can (I don’t have kids). But I am also currently massively massively burned out, so I am scared I will regret my decision no matter which one I take.

So what would you if you were me? Would you quit your job and accept the massive hit financially to get your life and mental health back? Or would you keep going for a while even if it means no personal life for as long as you keep at it? There will always be the possibility to get back to this career (at a much lower salary) if I quit, as I have now made a bit of a name for myself in the industry and don’t think I will lose that, but if I do quit I 100% need a proper break from this career, I have had many panic attacks this year (something I had never had before) due to this job and so would need to work in something else entirely for a while if I want my mental health to have a shot at recovering, so it’s very likely I would go back to minimum wage or 30k/year max if I am lucky in any other industry due lack of experience and studies.

I appreciate all opinions and advice including those telling me to give myself a wobble, just remember that my mental health is not currently at its best so try not to be too cruel if possible in your messages. I have massive anxieties related to both finances and abuse due to my background and I currently feel like having to pick abuse for money or lose my financial safety to stop abuse and it is an anxiety filled decision for me. I have also felt the need to name change because I have shared way too many personal information in this post but I am a long-standing member of Mumsnet.

Thank you in advance for any and all advice/ answers, I genuinely appreciate anyone taking the time to share their opinion and help me out in this decision.

Hi op, I think I remember you too and If it’s what I think then you work with food and not on land. Quit the bloody job. You are more important than anything. There is only one of you and I think once you’re feeling like this over work then the answer is staring you in the face.

just to add- I think you sound fantastic! Regardless of what you do you have left behind a toxic background and worked your way out of poverty. Hats off to you.

please take some time for you. To just “be”.

Out of interest are you a corporate lawyer?

What’s the job sis? Moma needs moula

@PerfectPennyKilledMyHusbandwhat job is it dying to know

I think in your heart and your head you have already left your job.
Nobody has a crystal ball and can see into the future and nobody can advise you what to do.
Your choices are very much governed by your early childhood experience. I say this as someone who comes from a very poor background and earns just above average salary in a pressurised role, although nothing like you describe.
When you have had nothing and you are then in a position of reasonable wealth, the thought of returning to nothing haunts you.
My suggestion would be to plan to leave your role, give yourself 6 months to try and get a bit more of a buffer behind you and then leave. Once you have an exit plan in place just knowing this will make you feel better.
If you stay in your current role nothing is going to change and you will just continue feeling as you do which isn't sustainable.
If you leave and get a minimum wage role of course there will be days and times you wonder why you quit your highly paid job (things often don't appear as bad with the benefit of hindsight).
Nobody earning £14K a month is not going to have transferable skills. To me that just doesn't make sense, no matter how niche your role.
In addition toxic bosses are everywhere and no job is without stress although what you describe does sound very extreme.

Quit, now, you are being well paid but badly treated and one really doesn’t make up for the other. We are moving in to better weather (assuming you are not on the other side or the world). Take this spring as an awakening. Maybe some seasonal work but also self care. You will have many skills and a deep understanding of how to make a good life out of a bad one, possibly you could make this a focus in studying or looking to work in charity sector.

I'm an ED consultant and was in the exact same boat. Absolutely hated working in the hospital I was in and wanted to leave medicine entirely.

Colleague suggested I go into paediatrics. Best thing I ever did.

Get a new job with hopefully the same pay. You've got skills. Don't waste them.

Leave and get a low paying job if you think that is best though, best of luck

Private chef on a superyacht?

How do you have 50k savings on £14k a month? That's unbelievable, how can you spend so much money when as you say you have no time?
To the poster on the first page who took a break out to work in a supermarket and found it so easy, you found it easy because it wasn't your life, I can bet you weren't living pay day to pay day as the majority of supermarket workers are.

Clear your debt, get your second mortgage sorted and start looking for another job.

remember some people don’t do well going down a level or two and having less qualified people tell them what to do, also may be difficult to find a job that you are over qualified for.
but life’s too short to hate what your doing.

@WannaQuit Can I ask, out of interest, which industry you work in? Is it finance or corporate law?

To actually answer your question though, I think if the job is affecting your mental health to degree you say, you definitely need to do something as it's no way to live. I don't mean do anything rash like resigning immediately, but could you have a discussion with anyone senior about hours etc? I know you've said communication is bad, but is there no way to have that discussion at all, if you call someone or ask for a Zoom meeting?

Perhaps you could be looking into alternative careers and have a plan for when you leave, if that's what you choose to do.

Given your savings, you'd be able to take 6 - 12 months to apply for jobs and do work experience/research etc.

Good luck...ultimately no-one else can tell you what to do here.

She might not last another 12 months. I used to work in an industry with similarly insane hours- I know colleagues that said something similar (they’d stay another 2 years to save and then quit) who had complete mental breakdowns just months/weeks later and weren’t able to work for several years. I looked around me, and looked at those who had “survived” and were in leadership positions, and realised I didn’t want any of it- the sacrifice wasn’t worth the salary. Left once my contract was up.

It’s a health emergency- she should quit and take a break of 3-6 months living off her savings and thinking about what she would want to do next, and then get another job once her mind is less chaotic. The risk of walking straight into another job is that confidence is rock bottom so it’s likely her boundaries would be poor at the next job leading to similar work/life balance problems all over again.

She has fully paid off properties and recently took out a mortgage to help a family member (likely the deposit was paid by OP), so I imagine that’s where the money has gone. She hasn’t squandered it.

I also imagine her lifestyle in terms of living accommodation/ luxuries reflects her pay- and certain cities/countries are very expensive to live in even with these high wages (I.e. Dubai, Abu Dhabi, San Francisco, Melbourne etc)

Definitely quit the job, it sounds like you're at breaking point.

For the 5 year course have you looked at salary expectations for the career you're going into and whether it offsets the course fees? Are there any funding options you can apply for? Could you do a postgraduate using some of your industry experience instead?

You've done really well for yourself. There's nothing wrong with taking a break to recalibrate and recover. I worked in a pub for a while and absolutely loved it and that was more than minimum wage, you'll be fine!

If your only major expense will be £300/month for a mortgage then that sounds manageable. It's less than most rents! Just make sure you don't get tempted to spend more with all the extra time you'll have

The first thing I would do is book an appointment with a financial advisor. You can work out a plan for investing, see exactly what salary you need to keep your current standard of living, while continuing to save for retirement, etc…. Then, contact your local university and speak with a career counselor or advisor to get more information about returning to school for the job you are interested in. You may even be able to get an internship in your proposed career so you can see if it suits you. Finally, get into a therapist and get help with a pro/con list for staying vs leaving.

It seems like you are currently running on adrenaline. It can be hard to make long-term decisions when in a stressed state. I think it would be a good idea to utilize professionals to help provide you with information and a solid plan for moving forward. You should ideally make a few plans: 1 month, 3 months, 6 months, 1 year and 5 years. This can help you make both the short and long term decisions.

I think it's really reasonable that you might quit. After everything you've been through in life you do deserve to not be in toxic situations.
However, money can really provide you with comfort - I have been out of work (with no savings!) for a while now and not having any money is really impacting my mental health. People say money can't buy happiness which I think is true but the comforts it can provide are soothing and helpful. Just ensure you will be able to afford things like your therapy - I can't access this now for example and my mh has taken a dive. Wishing you happiness, health and peace.

I would not give up yet as your savings won’t last long, then the fact you can’t afford to pay all your bills might affect your mental health again, also if you did decide to buy more properties as an investment you’d never get a mortgage on such a low income, maybe do property development for a bit, to build up some more cash.

Why not spend like you earn minimum wage for the next 6 months whilst earning your current salary. Save the difference. You will double your savings.

In that time look for other jobs. At your salary I assume you are relatively senior and experienced. Why not look at NED’s, consultancy, advisory boards. A few hours work a month and more interesting and lucrative than the supermarket.

I think YABU to think you can drop from your current income to minimum wage with no impact on your mental health. It is HARD having very little money - all the stuff you talked about: the gym, piano lessons, etc, you won’t be able to afford once your savings run out (and they will, fast).

You need more of a middle ground. Quit, but get a job with still a decent income but fewer unreasonable demands.
Presumably you have some amazing skills!

Good luck xx

Something like this.

At your age I would try all possible avenues to staying. See a doctor for anti depressant drugs, hire a cleaner, get regular massage, etc.

Look up info about the time value of money, and the difference saving at 30 can make v saving later in life. Like this: https://www.nestpensions.org.uk/schemeweb/nest/investing-your-pension/saving-for-your-future/advantage-saving-early.html

I totally understand the desire to quit but being on a low income also is stressful, and age 50 or 60 comes around sooner than you think. Pushing yourself now may make it possible to retire quite early.

Two tips:
You need to invest in financial markets. Vanguard is an extremely reputable firm that offers low cost fiduciary (in your best interest) advisory services. Get a telephone consultation lined up ASAP

Second, stop telling friends and family what you earn, and other financial details. They don’t need to know. Privacy is best policy.

Good luck.

I haven’t read all the posts or replies but consider pausing and taking a break to get some perspective before taking an irreversible step.

I know you are in there middle of things now and it's hard to think, but I think you take some time to get career counselling and look at moving towards a job that gives you a good work/life balance without just chucking your entire career into the fire.

I quit my corporate law career to work in a shop, and I don't regret leaving the job, but I do regret ending up trapped in minimum.wage jobs for the 15 years after that, having to scrimp and save for basics, developing health problems from my working conditions and from poverty.

You have the money now to pay for top-notch career advice and to set aside money for any retraining that you might need, or invest in setting yourself in your own business, so I think you should use the resources you have now to plan properly for the future that you want. Tempting as it is, don't just escape the problems you have now, but actively work towards a better life.

Can you move to a different employer? That will give you some much needed change and a chance to restart (and set expectations)

Don’t quit your job, tell your GP you are super stressed. They’ll write you off for a week or two. Do a complete detox. Don’t touch your computer or phone. Take it from there.

Can I ask what you do ?

Why does it have to be one extreme or the other? I earn just under six figures and work very regular hours and from home three days out of five. Surely you have some experience to get a well paid but less demanding job.