To want to quit my very high paying job & go back to earning minimum wage for the sake of my mental health?

[WannaQuit]

Just want to start this thread by saying this is in no way an humble brag, and is just me trying to figure out if I am about to make the biggest mistake of my life by leaving my job behind and the salary that comes with it, or if I am right in thinking that mental health is more important and that while, yes, I will miss the income, I should be alright and won’t regret prioritizing my peace of mind and mental health which is what I am absolutely dying to do right now.

It’s gonna be long sorry but it’s such a life changing decision I would rather give as many details as possible than not enough so:

For background:

I am soon to be 30, and come from a very poor family with lots of abusive and toxic behavior, violence, social services and food banks were part of my childhood and is a big reason why I have made the choices I have made this far life wise, and also why it’s hard to currently make the choice I want to make without guilt and without questioning myself.

Mental health is normally absolutely paramount to me, as I have fought so so hard to go back to having a decent mental health after leaving my home at age 16 (currently still in therapy) but, I feel I have given up on it for money lately and on the other hand, growing up with scarsity has made me both resourceful when it comes to making money and developing my earning potential yet also VERY anxious about making any decision that negatively impact my finances.

That’s for the personal background.

Now here is my dilemma:

Over the last decade I have gone from earning well below minimum wage to earning way above what I could have ever hoped for. My current salary is about £14k a month. That’s beyond what I could ever hope to earn and also pretty much a salary I will never find again if I quit (even if I was to stick to what I do career wise at that level, I think I could go back to a £4-5k a month job, or maybeee and that would be a big maybe 7-8k) .

On the other hand for that amount of money I pretty much have no life. I need to be available 24/7, (not rare that I have finished working at 3am and then been expected to be up for work again at 6am for example).

My current working environment is also not the best. In fact it’s pretty poor.

There is is a massive lack of communication (which at times feels massively purposeful)
making everything a lot more stressful than it needs to be, my boss goes through massive mood swings that make the work environment a place where walking on eggshells is the norm and a daily occurrence. I have gone through endless passive aggressive behaviors as well as been at the receiving end of plenty of ongoing rudeness and genuinely abusive behaviors, that topped with endless schedule changes and no appreciation whatsoever. It’s ROUGH. Genuinely rough. And honestly mentally I have been feeling more and more broken as time go by.

I was in a two years relationship when starting this job as an example but this job put so much stress on me that my relationship didn’t survive, my job is also abroad so I am away from home a lot and that’s obviously hard on many levels and keeps me isolated a lot of the time.

I am at a point where I want to QUIT. I want to dedicate myself and my people time, I want to enjoy my home, I want to go back to feeling like I have a life and like my life matters, and I want to be there enough to be able to commit to doing things (going to the gym, piano lessons, fostering dogs/cats, seeing my therapist more regularly, that kind of thing that I absolutely have no possibility to do right now).

From a heart and mental health point of you my body is absolutely screaming at me to finally take that step and quit and enjoy a couple of months with no work and then going back to a much simpler life with a much lower salary (something along the lines of 20-30k a year which is still a lot more than what I was making 5 years ago). Yet as soon as I convince myself to take the step, my mind start panicking and thinking “what if I regret not holding on longer and saving more?” as obviously with this salary each month counts. A few months ago my plan was to quit next december, then it got reduced to August, then May and now I really feel like I need to bite the bullet and quit now (May is gonna be extremely busy and stressful and so I know I will be treated very poorly while working under the worst conditions likely.) Most people I am close to have either quit or are actually putting in their notice this month. It’s bad. (We don’t all earn the same but we are all equally burned out.)

From a financial point of view I am only 29 but I have tried to make “smart” choices along the way (within my limited knowledge and low financial education) and tried to secure my future as much as I could, but again I come from a poor family with massive money management issues so I am afraid what I think is secured investments and the right choices to normally be okay if I quit, are NOT actually as smart or as secure as I think and obviously my family and everyone who knows my salary keeps pushing for me to stay in this job for the money (but have no clue what it’s like to actually work at the capacity I work at) and I keep doubting myself as a result.

Currently my financial situation is as followed:

• Saving wise I have about 50k saved up (they are on saving accounts so do bring me a little bit in interests each year, I do not know enough about investing to invest them nor am I willing to risk them as they are my main tangible way out of this job.

• Housing wise I have bought my first property outright 2 years ago, it’s in a touristy city by the sea (not in the UK) and it’s where I reside when not at work. It’s in a country where property is still affordable so not an expensive property but it has doubled in value since I have bought it (not that it matters because it’s my home and I have absolutely no intention of selling it but just to express that worst case scenario I do have a home I could sell, and it’s in my sole name as I have bought it alone.)

• Currently I am in the process of buying a second property with someone very very close and dear to me (not a partner), I could have done without buying a second property but I really wanted that person to get access to the housing ladder and I know my salary would easily allow for us to get a joint mortgage something this person wouldn’t be able to do alone. We have been approved for a 100% mortgage. This property is located in a better area than my own home and therefore cost double what I have paid mine, but it’s an investment for both of us and the goal is to rent it out and it should easily both pay for itself and give us a little something on top (+ it’s very likely to increase in value short to long-term). The property requires some work not too much but likely about 10k worth so half of that would have to come out of my savings if not a bit more and obviously before it’s rented we would have to pay the repayments (£600/month so £300 each).

• I have a small debt linked to my first apartment, I could technically pay it off right now with my savings but I have just been following the payment plan. But obviously don’t want to stop paying if I quit.

So that’s about it, that’s the global vision of my current situation. I am extremely aware of how lucky I am. I know I have a lot more than most at not yet 30 than many will even have in their lives and I am extremely grateful to have what I have and be where I am at. On the other hand I am beyond stressed, and I feel that once you start earning a certain amount there is this monumental pressure to stay at that level and keep working harder and harder, but honestly I dream of getting back to my old life when I actually had a life, and where I didn’t sell my soul for money. I dream of doing a simple job even for minimum wage and going home every night and being PRESENT. But am I being naive? Like I have said, even 5 years ago I was still earning below minimum wage and worrying about money so it’s definitely not lost on me how lucky I am and also what the reality is. But I feel the choices I have made along the way mean that even if I was to go back to a minimum wage job I should still be okay, and less stressed? But am I being massively delusional? Parts of me feel like if I can’t relax now when I have all of this when will I ever feel like I can (I don’t have kids). But I am also currently massively massively burned out, so I am scared I will regret my decision no matter which one I take.

So what would you if you were me? Would you quit your job and accept the massive hit financially to get your life and mental health back? Or would you keep going for a while even if it means no personal life for as long as you keep at it? There will always be the possibility to get back to this career (at a much lower salary) if I quit, as I have now made a bit of a name for myself in the industry and don’t think I will lose that, but if I do quit I 100% need a proper break from this career, I have had many panic attacks this year (something I had never had before) due to this job and so would need to work in something else entirely for a while if I want my mental health to have a shot at recovering, so it’s very likely I would go back to minimum wage or 30k/year max if I am lucky in any other industry due lack of experience and studies.

I appreciate all opinions and advice including those telling me to give myself a wobble, just remember that my mental health is not currently at its best so try not to be too cruel if possible in your messages. I have massive anxieties related to both finances and abuse due to my background and I currently feel like having to pick abuse for money or lose my financial safety to stop abuse and it is an anxiety filled decision for me. I have also felt the need to name change because I have shared way too many personal information in this post but I am a long-standing member of Mumsnet.

Thank you in advance for any and all advice/ answers, I genuinely appreciate anyone taking the time to share their opinion and help me out in this decision.

I'm assuming not a native English speaker due to the OP and calling elsewhere home. Is there a vaguely similar job where you are living now. I am assuming money stretches further there so that would be a bonus too. Maybe worth a look?

I recognise the fighting/survival instinct in you that I have myself. It means we are driven, often beyond what is reasonable. I think the apartment you’re buying with your sibling is a trap you can do without. Can you back out or is it all done and dusted? If that’s going to be rented out, there will be times of voids and I suspect your sibling will benefit more than you ever will.
I’ve worked in high earning fields for years and have seen repeatedly people over extending themselves and trap them in jobs they hate. That might be the country house, private schools or investments like you’re making here.

Do not do this. Sounds like you're doing a domestic job/nanny in the middle east. Only quit when you're in the UK. Don't do anything that could upset them whilst you're over there.

I know you have provided an explanation but I still can’t understand why your savings are so low relative to your monthly income. Where is the money going? You need to sit and work out your expenditure.

buying another house is just adding more financial pressure too that you don’t need.

I don’t think anyone can really advise on what to do until you have a better grip on your finances.

I think you need to have more savings - but then quit.

So many people saying OP must have "amazing transferable skills" and "would easily get into something else high paying" don't understand how jobs like OP's work.

Some very highly paid jobs are only very highly paid because of just how shit they, and the employer, are.

Unless you understand that you can't possibly understand the position OP is in.

Think of it like having the job of wiping Donald Trump's arse for a living. You might be paid massive money but you're not going to be leaving with transferable skills and you're not going to want to stay another year to build up some more savings.

Just putting it out there so that people might think outside the box of 'high paying corporate job' with what they suggest OP might want to do in her situation.

How can you not understand- she paid off a mortgage in full. My mortgage is 220k so add that into what she’s saved. Hers might well be even higher.

50 k WILL last quite a while, if she has no rent/ mortgage

Because there's a massive difference between earning "six figures" from a decent corporate type job and earning it in a gold mine in Alaska, for example.

Being highly paid doesn't automatically mean OP has the options you think they have.

People are projecting their own situation, skills and prospects onto OP's without getting that there are VERY different reasons that some jobs are highly paid compared to what we, working in a comfortable 'normal' job might be used to.

Hi OP,

You worked hard for money to escape abuse but now your work environment is abusive and is giving you panic attacks?

Quit. Or at least take time off. And find out what you really want to do and what training / education / skills you need to get there. It might be you need to study part time and work part time. You are in an excellent position to do that as an option. Many universities now have online learning and mature age entry, so you could do it from where you live. Or you might want to start a business? or work in a shop? Stay in your industry? Time to find out.

Think about what you want for your future. You are still so young. See a qualified financial planner, then you will know if there's something more you could do with your assets.

You have really looked after your finances, now look after you.

Well yeah, if she's in an Organised Crime Group it might hard to extricate herself and her skills may be a little niche. But it seems like there is a lot of scope, and a financial cushion to give herself pause for thought and options, which is more than most of us have ever had.

Do you have paid sick leave?
Even if you don't I'd take the maximum time off you can and KEEP the job open.

Then see if you recover enough to do another what year? Maximise your savings (as eff you money) then leave and find another fantastic job.

I'm sure it doesn't have to be 14k a month or minimum salary? There must be some midpoint surely?

Morning, thank you again everyone for all the input, very helpful!

I have a question for those who took the step and quit what job did you leave and what did you end up doing instead and do you regret it/love it? (Wanting inspiration job wise).

Also I know that minimum wage jobs are as stressful and often more stressful and more physically taxing than many high-paid jobs. I guess it’s not me thinking that minimum wage jobs are easy in comparison, it’s more so that they are accessible (anyone could get one) while I feel high-paid job are reserved to a few with either lots of experience or a diploma to show for it. And I don’t personally feel qualified for those (no diploma and little experience outside of my field). Is there any career with a decent pay that doesn’t require a diploma or a bunch of experience? (I am sure everyone would love to know and I would be keen to look into those also).

I would say my transferable skills are languages, good negotiation skills and a good contact with people as well as heavily adaptable.

I will answer all the messages better in the evening when I am most likely to have time to do so, but to answer a few questions while I can.

There is no such thing a sick leave for me or sabbatical, my current pay is based on the days I work. If I don’t work I lose that day’s worth of pay. If I was to request time off or a sick leave I would 100% lose my job and because I don’t have a contract I would be entitled to nothing.

I am also in the complex situation where the country I live in is neither the country I come from nor the country I work in. As a result I don’t get access to any kind of benefits and never will. It’s the same for retirement, because my jobs are abroad in different countries I realistically will not get a retirement out of my job, that topped with the fact that the system is collapsing anyway so who knows if “retiring” would still be a thing in 40 years, my retirement plan was always to save invest in property and hope they gain value throughout my life time so that when I am old I can sell them to survive or pay for my care. Not sure if it was/is a smart retirement plan but also not sure what other retirement plan I could put in place in my case?

As for where I live, it’s a country where salaries are still kind of low and good work opportunity scarse and not really comparable to places like the UK or certain cournries of the EU or further abroad. Ideally would love a local job so I can be home each day but that will 100% be a minimum wage job (high paid job in that city must be few and far between tbh) my other option and what I was maybe more leaning towards was trying to find an online job, so I could maybe study alongside it or at least earn money and the benefits from my home country (if I work for a company based in my home country remotely + salaries are higher in my home country than where I currently live).

As for talking to my bosses I have spent the last 2 months telling them I am burned out and starting to think about quitting that the work conditions aren’t fair and that I am being worked to the ground and being at the receiving end of behaviors that aren’t okay etc… I was working directly with another coworker who quit very abruptly a few months back and they have yet to find a good replacement for her, so work has been piling up for because now I do even more hours, soon two other people will quit and no doubt their job will fall on me (not fully but partially).

I really thought my coworker quitting would be a wake up call as they were well loved and it was a complete shock and thought maybe my work conditions or at least treatment would get better because they now 100% need me but nope it’s actually arguably become a lot worse. Their reaction to that person quitting was also not a nice one and they have threatened with legal actions and other things to purposely prejudice the immigration status of that former employee. It’s vile.

I am not scared of them and I have pushed back against the treatment I receive and at best it gets better for a few days but most often it makes no difference or worsen the situation (see reference to passive aggressive behaviors which includes delaying my pay on purpose and other things like that) they show no empathy towards the people who work for them and often create work for them on purpose because people are “paid to do it” the attitude in my case is “I am paid very well so I should just ‘take it’”

I think they feel the money they pay me will keep me in my job no matter the conditions and that’s why I feel like each week I stay is a week where I prove them right somehow, because if that job was paid any lower than I am paid now I would absolutely not be here writing this, I would have packed and left a long time ago and not given it even a second thought.

That made me laugh but yes! that’s exactly that! Thank you!

And your example is pretty good though obviously thankfully that’s not my job (wouldn’t wipe Trump’s arse for all the billions in the world) but your example is very pertinent because that’s pretty much the set up. It’s similarly niche and the job is only highly paid because only few people would want to make that amount of sacrifice on their personal life and work as many hours etc… rather than because it’s a nice job.

I am really not being rude, but if you want a highly paid job in an English speaking country you should be studying English.
Do an online course for a month or two and then quit. You sound like you are working in Saudi Arabia or similar , sorry I haven't read you're previous threads. Or just leave now. It sounds super dodgy. Who pays someone that amount of money with no qualifications?

There are off shore companies that do pensions for people like yourself - ie people who travel the world so don’t settle or don’t have access to pensions in their jobs.

You need to look into this, pension growth is around 10% average per year.

@WannaQuit the only thing I can see missing from your plan is pension-do you have a pension pot or plan?

You are not being rude but why do you think I should be studying English?

No offense but I feel I express myself fairly well in English, considering it’s not my native language and that I speak another 4 languages on top of it. Also, I am not from an English speaking country, don’t live in an English speaking country and don’t work in an English speaking country. I often work in English but there is no expectation I should speak the queen’s English and most of the people I work for and work with are not native English speakers.

English is not really relevant to my work field.
It’s nice that I speak it but that’s about it. I also feel like learning English beyond the level I already speak it at, would be a waste of time (not intellectually that’s always nice and useful obviously) but because English is spoken by almost everyone nowadays so even if I managed to make zero mistakes in English (a very high standards when many people on Mumsnet are native speakers and yet still write “could of” etc…)

I think I would be better off learning a 5th language if anything, tbh!

I quit a stressful job on £150k for one a few rungs down at £80k. Still a good wage and as I moved to a cheaper part of the country at the same time, not really any drop in standard of living. This job is much easier for me and I am rarely stressed.

There will be options somewhere between £14k a month and NME.

@WannaQuit can you tell us what three countries are involved? it might make it easier for people to understand! I cannot understand how you can live in one country and work in another!!

But he owns a house outright so it will last. Even earning 25k a year, take out paying a mortgage and that’s good money.

You've swapped one dysfunctional environment for another, you're reliving your childhood & you need to step out. No wonder it's causing you so much anxiety. Quit & do a yoga class!

Yes you do, but I could pick straight away that you were not a native speaker of English. I thought you're aim was to return to the UK and earn a very high salary, so that was my suggestion. My mistake.
Gosh if you speak 5 languages get a job at the UN as an interpreter. The world is your oyster at 29yo.

Could you look for a job and relocate to the UK or look for a remote job which allows you to work from your home?https://www.charityjob.co.uk/

Filter to remote jobs and see what you get as you can do these from anywhere in the world.

The not for profit/charity sector has a wide range of jobs that not all require higher qualifications. A salary of £4k - £5k per month isn't a minimum wage job as you suggested earlier. It is a pretty decent salary, granted not the £14k you're on currently but still good.

Really nosy about what you do now OP.