To want to quit my very high paying job & go back to earning minimum wage for the sake of my mental health?

[WannaQuit]

Just want to start this thread by saying this is in no way an humble brag, and is just me trying to figure out if I am about to make the biggest mistake of my life by leaving my job behind and the salary that comes with it, or if I am right in thinking that mental health is more important and that while, yes, I will miss the income, I should be alright and won’t regret prioritizing my peace of mind and mental health which is what I am absolutely dying to do right now.

It’s gonna be long sorry but it’s such a life changing decision I would rather give as many details as possible than not enough so:

For background:

I am soon to be 30, and come from a very poor family with lots of abusive and toxic behavior, violence, social services and food banks were part of my childhood and is a big reason why I have made the choices I have made this far life wise, and also why it’s hard to currently make the choice I want to make without guilt and without questioning myself.

Mental health is normally absolutely paramount to me, as I have fought so so hard to go back to having a decent mental health after leaving my home at age 16 (currently still in therapy) but, I feel I have given up on it for money lately and on the other hand, growing up with scarsity has made me both resourceful when it comes to making money and developing my earning potential yet also VERY anxious about making any decision that negatively impact my finances.

That’s for the personal background.

Now here is my dilemma:

Over the last decade I have gone from earning well below minimum wage to earning way above what I could have ever hoped for. My current salary is about £14k a month. That’s beyond what I could ever hope to earn and also pretty much a salary I will never find again if I quit (even if I was to stick to what I do career wise at that level, I think I could go back to a £4-5k a month job, or maybeee and that would be a big maybe 7-8k) .

On the other hand for that amount of money I pretty much have no life. I need to be available 24/7, (not rare that I have finished working at 3am and then been expected to be up for work again at 6am for example).

My current working environment is also not the best. In fact it’s pretty poor.

There is is a massive lack of communication (which at times feels massively purposeful)
making everything a lot more stressful than it needs to be, my boss goes through massive mood swings that make the work environment a place where walking on eggshells is the norm and a daily occurrence. I have gone through endless passive aggressive behaviors as well as been at the receiving end of plenty of ongoing rudeness and genuinely abusive behaviors, that topped with endless schedule changes and no appreciation whatsoever. It’s ROUGH. Genuinely rough. And honestly mentally I have been feeling more and more broken as time go by.

I was in a two years relationship when starting this job as an example but this job put so much stress on me that my relationship didn’t survive, my job is also abroad so I am away from home a lot and that’s obviously hard on many levels and keeps me isolated a lot of the time.

I am at a point where I want to QUIT. I want to dedicate myself and my people time, I want to enjoy my home, I want to go back to feeling like I have a life and like my life matters, and I want to be there enough to be able to commit to doing things (going to the gym, piano lessons, fostering dogs/cats, seeing my therapist more regularly, that kind of thing that I absolutely have no possibility to do right now).

From a heart and mental health point of you my body is absolutely screaming at me to finally take that step and quit and enjoy a couple of months with no work and then going back to a much simpler life with a much lower salary (something along the lines of 20-30k a year which is still a lot more than what I was making 5 years ago). Yet as soon as I convince myself to take the step, my mind start panicking and thinking “what if I regret not holding on longer and saving more?” as obviously with this salary each month counts. A few months ago my plan was to quit next december, then it got reduced to August, then May and now I really feel like I need to bite the bullet and quit now (May is gonna be extremely busy and stressful and so I know I will be treated very poorly while working under the worst conditions likely.) Most people I am close to have either quit or are actually putting in their notice this month. It’s bad. (We don’t all earn the same but we are all equally burned out.)

From a financial point of view I am only 29 but I have tried to make “smart” choices along the way (within my limited knowledge and low financial education) and tried to secure my future as much as I could, but again I come from a poor family with massive money management issues so I am afraid what I think is secured investments and the right choices to normally be okay if I quit, are NOT actually as smart or as secure as I think and obviously my family and everyone who knows my salary keeps pushing for me to stay in this job for the money (but have no clue what it’s like to actually work at the capacity I work at) and I keep doubting myself as a result.

Currently my financial situation is as followed:

• Saving wise I have about 50k saved up (they are on saving accounts so do bring me a little bit in interests each year, I do not know enough about investing to invest them nor am I willing to risk them as they are my main tangible way out of this job.

• Housing wise I have bought my first property outright 2 years ago, it’s in a touristy city by the sea (not in the UK) and it’s where I reside when not at work. It’s in a country where property is still affordable so not an expensive property but it has doubled in value since I have bought it (not that it matters because it’s my home and I have absolutely no intention of selling it but just to express that worst case scenario I do have a home I could sell, and it’s in my sole name as I have bought it alone.)

• Currently I am in the process of buying a second property with someone very very close and dear to me (not a partner), I could have done without buying a second property but I really wanted that person to get access to the housing ladder and I know my salary would easily allow for us to get a joint mortgage something this person wouldn’t be able to do alone. We have been approved for a 100% mortgage. This property is located in a better area than my own home and therefore cost double what I have paid mine, but it’s an investment for both of us and the goal is to rent it out and it should easily both pay for itself and give us a little something on top (+ it’s very likely to increase in value short to long-term). The property requires some work not too much but likely about 10k worth so half of that would have to come out of my savings if not a bit more and obviously before it’s rented we would have to pay the repayments (£600/month so £300 each).

• I have a small debt linked to my first apartment, I could technically pay it off right now with my savings but I have just been following the payment plan. But obviously don’t want to stop paying if I quit.

So that’s about it, that’s the global vision of my current situation. I am extremely aware of how lucky I am. I know I have a lot more than most at not yet 30 than many will even have in their lives and I am extremely grateful to have what I have and be where I am at. On the other hand I am beyond stressed, and I feel that once you start earning a certain amount there is this monumental pressure to stay at that level and keep working harder and harder, but honestly I dream of getting back to my old life when I actually had a life, and where I didn’t sell my soul for money. I dream of doing a simple job even for minimum wage and going home every night and being PRESENT. But am I being naive? Like I have said, even 5 years ago I was still earning below minimum wage and worrying about money so it’s definitely not lost on me how lucky I am and also what the reality is. But I feel the choices I have made along the way mean that even if I was to go back to a minimum wage job I should still be okay, and less stressed? But am I being massively delusional? Parts of me feel like if I can’t relax now when I have all of this when will I ever feel like I can (I don’t have kids). But I am also currently massively massively burned out, so I am scared I will regret my decision no matter which one I take.

So what would you if you were me? Would you quit your job and accept the massive hit financially to get your life and mental health back? Or would you keep going for a while even if it means no personal life for as long as you keep at it? There will always be the possibility to get back to this career (at a much lower salary) if I quit, as I have now made a bit of a name for myself in the industry and don’t think I will lose that, but if I do quit I 100% need a proper break from this career, I have had many panic attacks this year (something I had never had before) due to this job and so would need to work in something else entirely for a while if I want my mental health to have a shot at recovering, so it’s very likely I would go back to minimum wage or 30k/year max if I am lucky in any other industry due lack of experience and studies.

I appreciate all opinions and advice including those telling me to give myself a wobble, just remember that my mental health is not currently at its best so try not to be too cruel if possible in your messages. I have massive anxieties related to both finances and abuse due to my background and I currently feel like having to pick abuse for money or lose my financial safety to stop abuse and it is an anxiety filled decision for me. I have also felt the need to name change because I have shared way too many personal information in this post but I am a long-standing member of Mumsnet.

Thank you in advance for any and all advice/ answers, I genuinely appreciate anyone taking the time to share their opinion and help me out in this decision.

I just asked what the other 3 languages were? I don't think that's mean . She won't respond.

She responded at 8.50am 🤔

Yes I see that now. So this American who uses pounds as her currency is completely believable to you guys? Did nobody notice that she said she spoke 4 languages , but when I pressed her on her FIVE languages she came up with an extra one? She is evidently American due to the spelling ( color) This whole thread is screaming BS to me but do carry on, I'm not at my kindest at the moment due to family circumstances "Ich habe eine Schwester" that's a far as my German goes but I bet it's more than hers. According to google less than 3 % of the population are polyglots,
Here's an easy one for you OP; the first word is ??? and the fourth ????

...... zwei drie .....( excuse my spelling as I'm relying on my 5th grade memory

I thin she's run away

Well sorry to announce to you that your guessing skills are completely off.

I am NOT American, sorry that was not directly obvious to you (but I guess my English can’t be that bad if you assume I was obviously from the States), and I did, in fact, reply hours ago about the languages I speak, though I do love that you haven’t read that update because your post assuming a 100 things about me based on sheer nothing made me laugh and, ironically, had you read it first, it would have saved you the embarrassment of selling yourself as a super guesser of origins and then being way off about me.

I now see you are likely from Australia, well surprise, I have also lived and worked in Australia. Would you have guessed that my English was even good enough to find employment in Australia? You see, people can learn languages for any and all reasons. I like languages and I travel and live abroad a lot, part of integrating into a country is learning to speak the local language so yes I speak 5 languages, most of them are fairly similar to my native language anyway so easy to pick up (for me) and once you learn a foreign language it’s a lot easier to learn more as your brain learns what to do. Similarly you might have picked my English as Americanized because I did live in the US (as otherwise not sure what made you come to the conclusion I am American with a Russian vibe lol) but the same way I used to have a more Australian English when I lived in Australia, you end up picking slangs and words from the places you live in, and for example my English has a lot of British expressions learned on Mumsnet.

I am international, I am not trying to stick to “proper English” from one country, I want my English to be international, similarly my Spanish mixes expression from all kind of different Spanish speaking countries because it’s places and cultures I have been massively exposed to. Why would I stick to one version of one language when you can add endless expressions, ways of sayings things and vocabulary by adding to it.

I am sorry you haven’t met anyone who knows more than 3 languages, you clearly haven’t traveled much nor really lived outside of Australia then, I imagine, because most of Europe is filled with people who are, at least trilingual and more. I am sure a lot of Asia speaks more than 3 languages too and plenty of Africa.

It’s really not that big of a deal when you live in a country to learn the language and a bit of a necessity long-term, it’s also socially and culturally the RIGHT thing to do. I care to integrate myself in my environment so I have learned the languages. It’s interesting to me that you call my English “bad”, have you been around people who can’t even make up a single sentence in English? Because that’s what I would consider bad English. You recognizing I am not a native speaker doesn’t make my English bad. It makes my English representative of who I am, a foreign-speaker. If I can speak to you about any topic in English (and I can) I would argue my English is decent enough and quite far away from bad.

In all cases I confirm I do speak 5 languages (which are in my last answer so won’t repress them here) but clearly you don’t, so you wouldn’t have the language abilities to check up on my language skills anyway, not that I need to prove anything to you.

Please stop trying to guess what people are or know or where they are from it’s clearly not your forte. And if you are gonna comment on a thread to make assumptions at least read the original thread and the answers.

All you have said to me apart from that my English is bad is that I should take an English course if I want to work in an English speaking country or the UK (despite me never saying I want to work in an English speaking country + completely dismissing the fact that I have in fact worked in many English speaking countries and speak English daily at work), that I should move to New York (as if anyone and everyone can just pack up and move to the US visa-free), or to Brussels. When my WHOLE thread is about me spending most of my life working abroad including in English speaking countries and being tired of it and wanting to spend more time AT-HOME with my people.

I am sorry I am just genuinely failing to see the pertinence of your posts.

Like I have said I am happy for all feedback but trying to guess where I am from and if I truly can do what I say I can do while providing no advice in correlation to what I have asked is a bit, meh.

I think I have been giving a very fair representation of who I am and what I can and can’t do, I have pretty much said I have no degree nor experience in anything and the only thing I am good at are languages, so not sure why you would think the literal only thing I can’t do is the one thing I said I can, just because you don’t personally know anyone good with languages? It’s just so bizarre to me.

Can you read?

I have said 4 fluently + German (decent but not mastered) I confirm I speak that one better than you though as “drei” I can write properly…

I have specified I have lived in the US and never in the UK so yes my spelling is likely to be more Americanized, why would you think that makes me American? Do you know most people learn English from US shows and movies and YouTube videos nowadays and not really from the British textbooks? it’s insane that you think someone’s spelling can tell you where they are from and not just where they have learned their English.

If you think that thread is bullshit you can just report me, there is a button for that. No need to try and do detective work on me, when you are clearly bad at it and Mumsnet can do that job for you.

I have been on Mumsnet for over a decade, was there when “Cancel the cheque” was a thing, AnyFucker was on almost every thread and that lady owning a private Island was a running joke.

I am sure Mumsnet will be happy to confirm how long I have been here for and my identity especially as I have always been consistent in my stories across my usernames and have all the proof needed to confirm my identity and everything I state in my posts, anyway.

Want to know why I use the £ because I know Mumsnet is mainly British users so I use their currency, to accommodate the majority of users and make it easy for them to grasp what I earn, if I gave my salary in Yen it would be a lot more confusing to most people, don’t you think?

I honestly think the troll is you or you live so far in the Australian bush that you have yet to learn how the internet work and that people do speak several languages and can learn to use a currency converter and that it doesn’t make them neither suspicious nor a troll

How many people is 3% of 8.2 billion do you even know or realize ???

That’s 245999999.99999997 people.

and you find it odd I could be one of them? Give over. You are acting like 3% of 8.2 billions is a couple thousand people and not millions and millions.

I am no man and I have also NOT lived in NYC (again learn to read). So yes, you likely need sleep and to travel outside of your own bubble so you can learn to count in German, realize being polyglot in many countries is the norm and not suspicious, and learn to convert money into new currencies. Try it, it’s fun!

and if not, hit that report button, it’s free and it’s there for a reason.

You have guessed me right I am not in fact “Harry and Meghan’s” nanny as some people thought on this thread but Putin’s wife, good night or should I say Спокойной ночи ? (courtesy of Google translate, or proof that you are right, who knows…)

But honestly, despite your insanity, thank you for the laugh you did at least make my day and brought some humor to my day, which currently is very much appreciated.

Just remember that you believing me or not makes absolutely no difference to me, my life nor my reality. I will never feel the need to prove myself to a stranger on the internet, and I won’t. You are lucky enough to be part of an online forum that can confirm who I am if you report or will delete the thread if they suspect I am a fraud. Use that feature and remember that it’s not because something is out of the ordinary to you and different to what you know or think is possible that’s it’s automatically fake nor impossible. Thankfully not everyone live the same life as you nor have the same limitations, and I am glad because you seem to have a very narrow and limited view of what someone can do and accomplish.

Yes, the city I live in has loads of tourists coming in and transiting through, I could potentially look into being a guide, though it’s a city that while touristy isn’t very charged in history in comparison to many other cities in the area, I feel people mainly come because of the sun and sea and the airport rather than because there is a famous building etc… so I am not sure if there are even proper guided tour? I know we have a tour bus but I have always kind of been curious about where it takes people because I feel you can tour the whole city in 40 minutes if you walk kind of fast. Everything is kind of close together and nothing you would ever take a detour for to visit or see first-hand for example. it’s more of an “it’s nice to see it if you are there but not an I must absolutely go and see it.”

At least in my opinion as someone who do love history and historical buildings.

And FGS repress and repeat are not synonyms.

You realize Mumsnet has now been on this thread and deleted some of your posts and not my thread? Make of that what you will…in terms of if I am genuine/suspicious or not.

But yes Australia is a lovely country not sure why that’s relevant, most Australians are also highly educated that’s why I am surprised it doesn’t seem to be your case. if you think ONLY Americans can write “color” there is not much to add, tbh, because I have no clue how your brain works to even think like that in such limited ways. Out of curiosity how do Japanese folks say “Color” in English? And the French? and the Nigerians or Mexicans? Like do you know whether they write color or colour when they write in English? Do you think all foreigners from all countries minus the US speak British English and use British spelling when speaking English? Genuine question ( Also I guess you meant “your words” and not “you’re words” if we are gonna be pedantic). But please, please don’t actually answer me, just be curious and keen to learn and ask yourself this and then do some research, it might genuinely help you expand your horizon and learn a few things about English as a second language worldwide and how no Americans aren’t the only ones using certain words. The same way the Brits aren’t the only one saying “learnt” instead of “learned”. Whoever chose to write it a certain way or the other simply can, irrelevant of their nationality. So what, if I started using the spelling “colour” I would suddenly be from the UK and not the US ? And not still a foreigner writing in English or an “American” using British spelling?

As for me I will now stop answering you and report your posts if you keep at it, because you are being a Troll and completely derailing what’s a genuine thread and both you and I have better things to do than entertain a now pointless conversation.

If you don’t believe me that’s absolutely and entirely fine, I am not asking you to believe me, I have received many lovely and helpful answers and support and shared experiences, which is what I was hoping to get when I posted, so if you are not there to give genuine advice or think I am a troll just report me and move on, it really is that simple and there is absolutely no need to be doing what you are doing.

Many people learn American English at international schools so not necessarily American. Clear to me that she is not American from what she has said.
Also I know many people who speak 4-5 languages. Depends on your industry and exposure. I work in Banking and we have many people who speak 4 languages or more. It’s impressive but not rare.

i know several Europeans who speak French, Spanish, Italian (and English) fluently cos all Latin based so quicker to pick up. Then on top of that they sometimes know 1 more like German, polish or even an Asian or Arabic language!

Look for a new job when on £200k and possible new company will negotiate with a high flyer. Some high paying jobs are OK. ( I have experienced good and, err, crazy.). Quit first and the employer is negotiating with someone less desirable.

This is a very good point.

It's never worth damaging your physical or mental health for a job. If thats the case, leave. And it doesn't mean you dropping to a minimum wage job.
However I don't see that you have a massive cushion - what if your second house isn't rented swiftly. How will you pay the 100% mortgage? So if you can at all bear staying in your job just a few months longer I would save, save, save to give yourself more wriggle room. I don't see how on a monthly take hone of £14k and a fully paid up flat you only have £50k in savings??

Eins, zwei, Troll Polizei
Drei, vier, Abfalpapier,
Fünf, sechs, alte Hex
Sieben, acht, Gute Nacht

I speak 3 languages fluently plus a dialect, 3 with mediocrity, 3 badly. As do many of my fellow European friends. It's really not that unusual, especially if you grow up in a bi- or trilingual country.

Hope you find a balance soon @WannaQuit, ignore the trolls both irl (your employers) and here. If there is any nature near you, there is very good money to be made in ecotourism, especially birdwatching as that skews to an older audience with £££.

If you have have time, after a long and stressful day at work, Write yourself a letter explaining what has happened and how you feel. If you then quit, (which I think you should, it sounds awful) and regret it, you can go back and have the raw emotions of how it feels now. When you are out of the situation and in a better mental state you will most likely regret leaving a job with such a high salary, that doesn't mean you are wrong to leave. Having the letter will help you remember just how bad it is doing this job and know you did the right thing. You might not be as financially secure but you are clearly a hardworking person. You will always work if you have to. Life's too short. I understand the desire for financial stability but I font think it exists. I have financial anxiety and I don't think it would go even if I won the lottery. Good luck whatever you decide. This is a bit patronising but from what you've written I think you will be fine if you quit. You will always work to make a good life for yourself, you own a home outright, so you have a roof over your head. You are already way more financially secure than most at your age. Enjoying life and looking back on all the fun things you have done and all the special people is important as well. Good luck!

Why do you need to know that and why should OP tell you ? It’s irrelevant.

I'm finding the troll hunter funny as they clearly don't have a knack for languages.

French, Spanish and Italian are all similar enough to pick up easily if you're good at languages - I did all three for GCSEs with Italian being learnt in a year. I also speak English and Farsi (grew up bilingual). My husband is Polish so I've picked some of that up too. I've lost my non-English speaking skills somewhat due to lack of practice but if I was motivated I could learn quickly.

OP, you say your town doesn't have much obvious history to build a tour around but that could actually give you a niche to explore. You could pick up a min wage job but also start collecting stories about your town and build up a business from there. Similarly you could choose an industry with low barrier to industry (e.g. cleaning), go self-employed and through that build up a business where you employ others.

You seem to be intelligent and a person with a lot of drive, I can guarantee you wouldn't be on min wage for long if you quit!

And there's always the option of teaching languages too - my brother worked remotely (and on site) as a TEFL teacher whilst exploring the world.

World is your oyster, don't feel constrained in a golden cage when you can go out there and enjoy the sun!

You remind me of the poster who was working for a TV chef. They seemed to be putting up with SO much abuse, and they seemed sad to me. Don't get to that point. Quit and find what will bring you joy. Then find a way to get paid for it.

You are so very rude that I feel quite comfortable in saying this, your "family circumstances" with your sister is a you problem, not ours or the OP's. The fact that you keep attacking and trying to play one-upmanship is quite pathetic.
I have to wonder if your sister is also complaining about "family circumstances" and her sister. I wouldn't blame her.