To expect an engagement ring to cost at least 3 months salary?

[ThisPeppyRoseBiscuit]

It’s not about being materialistic, it’s about commitment and symbolism. I wouldn’t say yes to a cheap ring. If he can spend on tech, trainers, or cars, he can save for a proper ring. AIBU to hold this standard?

It's a completely made up and very tacky standard.

Buy it yourself then, or make sure you tell them as you get serious how monetery you are!

That is 100% about being materialistic though.

Hold the standard all you like, but don't pretend it's for any other reason than wanting an expensive ring.

I would've been livid if DH had spent that much! I prefer my men to come with some financial acumen

Have you got someone in the picture who's going to ask to marry you?

What are you going to spend your 3 month salary on for him?

I wouldn’t want £12k worth of ring on my finger for every day and would be cross if he spent that. I guess we all have a different idea what “decent value ring” would be. When dh proposed it was generally one month’s worth of salary and he did roughly spent that. We were 20 and 22 so it was just under £1k.

Someone wants to marry you but you think that doesn't show commitment unless they spend what you deem to be an acceptable amount of money as well?

What a load of cobblers.
Why do you even need an engagement ring?
If you really must have a ring, get one you like and not hold on to the stupid notion of 3 months salary.

Is he getting an engagement ring or is it just you that is going to be symbolically branded?

So obviously you need to get engaged to a high earning individual🤔

😲 three months salary?! That would be £12,000 in this house and I'd be outraged if DH spent that much on a ring! And I'd never want to wear it!
It should be a ring you'll love (or they have reasonable expectation you'll love), I would have been sad or cross if DH had got me the cheapest ring in H Samuel but no, it's not the price that matters.

I'd rather use that as a house deposit, or the wedding, or put away for future DC education. My ring was £400 and even that was above budget for us. YABU.

Why ON EARTH would you want your intended to waste what could be a huge amount of money on a bit of jewellery, especially in today's financial climate.

My exH spent £200 on my engagement ring. The marriage last sixteen years, but not because he didn't spaff £4 grand on a ring (in 2001). Utterly ridiculous. I suspect you realise this however.

You can hold whatever standard you want, but if you would seriously say no to a man you loved and was a good partner just because he didn't buy you the 'correct' ring, then I believe he'd deserve better. A life partner is surely about more than an expensive ring, 3 months salary for my boyfriend would be nearly 8 grand - and for what? A ring that nobody would know what it cost, and people aren't interested in your ring beyond a 'oh that's nice, congratulations on your engagement' anyway

Are you OK?

My ring cost £400. We split the cost.

l would be ashamed to wear a ring that costs 3 months salary. We could never have afforded that.

Yes you are more important that a phone/ tech, but saying I want the ring to be worth x no of wages is old school. Do you want him to ask your dad for your hand in marriage too?

Even one month's salary is insane when there are bills to pay.

Forget rings. Just get married if you want to.

It’s not about being materialistic, it’s about commitment and symbolism.

Well if that's what you truly believe, then the money is completely irrelevant.

'not about being materialistic' 😂aye ok...

Do you have an actual ring, budget or man in mind? A minimum wage ring is obviously going to be a much cheaper proposition than a high flyer ring.

I'd have refused a ring that cost that much, either way.

I would care more about the relationship and marriage than the cost of the ring.

Your comment is absolutely materialistic.

Lol....I didn't even get my 'engagement' ring until our 2nd wedding anniversary and it cost about a third of his monthly salary.

It's not about being materialistic? Of course it is, at least be up front about it.

Well now, it depends. I’ve been engaged twice. My now DH is a reasonably high earner and bought me a reasonably expensive ring - nothing like three months of his salary though, as that would be a ridiculous amount of money and I’d be terrified to wear it.

my previous fiance spent about £200 on my engagement ring - I know as we chose it together. That was still a lot of money to us, but I loved the ring (still do - ex was a lovely chap and insisted I kept it when we split).

If DH had spent £200 on a ring, I have to admit I would have thought he was being extremely tight, as he could, and back then did, spend that on a night out. But it was a generous gesture from my ex.

So I do think it depends on circumstances. I certainly wouldn’t have wanted either of them to go into debt or struggle to afford something beyond their means just so I could have a shiny rock.