To expect an engagement ring to cost at least 3 months salary?

[ThisPeppyRoseBiscuit]

It’s not about being materialistic, it’s about commitment and symbolism. I wouldn’t say yes to a cheap ring. If he can spend on tech, trainers, or cars, he can save for a proper ring. AIBU to hold this standard?

I think a lot of people who flash their very pricey engagement rings then end up divorced a couple of years down the line before they have finished paying off the loans taken to pay for the ring /wedding could tell you that the price of a ring doesn’t tell you shit about commitment.

Tiny speck diamonds look ridiculous, prefer not to have one at all. Decent ring or not at all. It used to be one month salary though isn’t it, that seems more than enough for a ring. He would have to be earning under 2k to be getting a speck. Good second hand rings on EBay.

It's a shame that you feel that effort is monetary.

But if I bought a ring, that would mean spending £12k on it? Wearing that much money on your finger is mental.

It would obviously depend on the person, but most people I know don't spend anywhere near that kind of money on "tech" or "trainers". If I saved the money I would otherwise have spent on tech, shoes and clothes to pay for a ring that cost that much money, I would have to save for about 15 years. Even if you added the money I save up for a new car, it would probably be 7 or 8 years.

Yes. A blooming great headache.

Where I am, a ring worth three months salary screams, MUG ME.

Honestly, just buy a ring you like. It doesn't have to cost so much!

But why don't you have to evidence your commitment to him in a similar manner / with a similar monetary value? Because you're a woman?

Daughter in law from hell material

Yes. And not only a diamond company but a cartel. And people think advertising doesn't work lol.

I think three months salary is arbitrary and materialistic BUT OP isn't unreasonable to expect any future fiance to spend an amount that is relative to his income and the couple's spending habits.

I wear £12k + on my hands every day & have no issues with it

We also bought a house, had dc etc so it certainly wasn't a case of one or the other

I agree that it should be a ring that you love & that's it's not just a cheap box-ticking exercise. Which it seems like it might be for many men going by the posts only here

A nice ring was important to me & because it was important to me it was important to my dh

Really vulgar.

Absolutely ridiculous! I remember going to a posh jewellery place and trying on rings and I just could not have dh spend that sort of money. I got mine from H Samuel in the end and I still love it and wear it everyday 26 years on.

YABU. Shallow and materialistic.

Why would you want to put someone you are supposed to love under financial stress just so they can buy you the ring you 'think' you deserve?

Not sure if anyone else has said this - but the ‘3 month rule’ was made up by DeBeers as a marketing campaign - to encourage people to spend more money.

It’s not a real thing. It’s a trick to spend money.

It's fine to want the amount spent on the ring to feel fair in relation to what he spends on himself. Does he buy himself jewellery, watches or clothes worth three months salary then?
It's also fine to be materialistic, but just own it, don't pretend you aren't.

The X months 'rule' was literally created by an ad agency, for a jewellery company. It isn't based on ancient traditions - just an ad campaign to get men to spend more. It doesn't get much more materialistic than that. De Beers themselves didn't even say three months. It was one initially and then rose to two in the 80s, presumably to capitalise on that whole greed is good ethos.

YABU! I paid for my rings and my husband paid for his. Getting engaged was a decision we made together. My husband didn't propose, I'm from Scandinavia where both wear an engagement ring But if he's proposing and getting you a ring he should decide how much he is comfortable with spending on a it.

YAB ludicrous

I wouldn’t be impressed by a man who would spend that much on jewellery- it would represent values that are the complete opposite to mine.

My engagement ring certainly did not cost 3 months of dh's salary! From memory, I think it was about £200 - but what mattered was that I love him, and that I love the ring.

We have been married now for 34 years, so I can categorically say that an inexpensive ring does not prevent a long and happy marriage. What matters is the character of the person you marry - are they kind, thoughtful, caring, funny, do you get on well and can you weather the downs as well as the ups together.

Three months salary!!!! You must be mad. That's a crazy amount to spend! Surely 2k would be plenty to get a great ring

I'd have been horrified if my now DH had spent that much on a piece of jewellery.

But money doesn't equal commitment or meaning. The nicest engagement ring I have seen was an antique in her favourite jewel, it didn't cost lots of money but he spent months and months searching for this specific ring because he knew she wanted an antique. That shows more commitment and meaning than 3 months salary. If you want an expensive ring that's fine but don't pretend its because its more meaningful than a cheaper ring.

3 months salary? 😲😲😲
In what world is that normal.
So stupid unless you're in millionaire category.
If that's your expectation then I wouldn't be marrying you. Hopefully it's a reverse.

Oh my goodness I got ripped off ! i just thought it was one month's wage ( gross of course )

oh well...
too late now :)

I don't think my entire wedding cost 3 months' salary - was still a great day though!

When DH and I met over 35 years ago, he was on his uppers, almost literally, and seriously thinking about leaving the Bar because he had no family backing to get him through.

Things turned for him within a couple of months but when we got engaged 18 months later he wasn't exactly coining it. He gave me a budget of £2,200 but only because he'd had a fee wadge come in. He wasn't netting that by a long stage each month when we got married. I got a 1.25ct sapphire flanked by 0.25ct diamonds for £2k. Something more substantial would have been about £3k and I could have easily topped it up. In fact I'd dh had been with me, he probably would have dug deep.for the extra thousand.

But I stuck to budget for the sake of his pride. 35 years on I am glad I did. I love my ring. It's big enough to look classic and good quality, and the eternity ring enhances it. But it's not so being it's in anyone's face or I feel I have to turn it under on the tube.

It's insurance value is about £7k now. That's what a local jeweller valued it at for a retail replacement. Second hand-off course I'd be lucky to get the £2k he paid for it.