To expect an engagement ring to cost at least 3 months salary?

[ThisPeppyRoseBiscuit]

It’s not about being materialistic, it’s about commitment and symbolism. I wouldn’t say yes to a cheap ring. If he can spend on tech, trainers, or cars, he can save for a proper ring. AIBU to hold this standard?

The rule of thumb used to be 2 months but diamond values have fluctuated a lot due to the arrival of lab-grown stones.
this is going back a while however — luckily these old-fashioned rules seem to be on their way out for most people. Although whether that’s because people are more relaxed, or life is so much more expensive now, I’m not sure!

If you wouldn't get engaged to someone who bought you a cheap ring then the guy has had a lucky escape.
Mind you if he spends all his money on tech , trainers and cars he sounds extremely immature , superficial and boring so I can understand you not wanting to marry him.

Wanting to marry someone is a commitment, of course, but the ring is a physical symbol of that commitment. For me, it’s not about the cost itself, it’s about whether they’ve made an effort that reflects the seriousness of the moment. If someone can spend freely on themselves but cuts corners when it comes to a life partnership, that says something. It’s not about money - it’s about meaning.

Heavens! Why not hold out for the annual plus bonus?

My ring was £1,500 reduced to £950 do DH got a bargain.it was the one I wanted and I would rather spend the extra money on a holiday. You know that 3 month figure was a marketing ploy?

Pre or post tax?

You think a person should work for a quarter of a year JUST to pay for a ring.

Nope, that's nuts, I'd rather enjoy life with them for that quarter a year making memories than squirreling money away for a nonsense target designed no doubt by some clever marketing scheme to push up the sale price of engagement rings.

It is materialistic though. Surely, asking him asking you to marry him is a symbol of his commitment. Refusing to marry someone on the grounds that you think the ring is too cheap means that you shouldn't marry him at all as you obviously don't really love him.

Booking the wedding shows commitment, not the price of a ring.

I couldn’t walk around with that amount on my hand. It makes me feel ill actually but each to their own.

Even if you have to forgo ever getting on the property ladder for example? Personally I’d rather have a smaller ring and an engagement new kitchen.

I chose not to have one, total waste of money

My ring cost £29! We’ve been married 30 years!

How ridiculous! Is that so you can tell people what it cost?

I think it very much depends on the salary, your tastes and your financial situation. There's definitely a point where it becomes slightly ridiculous to spend that much on one item & you're not paying for quality so much as brand etc (thinking of a particular girl I used to know who would only accept a proposal with a certain brand that is known for using lesser quality stones but charging 3-4x market value based on the name alone).

I personally would not have wanted to wander around with a ring that size/price, it would be way beyond what I'd want and suit and would have felt very risky day to day. The ring DH had designed based on what we'd seen & I liked, ended up costing roughly 1-1.5x his monthly pay but is a beautiful ring that I adore and is very fitting with our taste/style.

The ring isn't really your problem is it?

It sounds like you feel your bloke fritters money away on crap and/or doesn't prioritise you in general. If that's the case, don't marry him.

What a ridiculous post.

I grew up in a family with expensive jewellery, like £10k+ diamond earrings, and even I think YAVU! For my DH, that would have been a £12k ring - I would have murdered him if he wasted that much. We designed my ring together using lab grown diamonds. Everyone comments on how beautiful my ring is and it cost less than £2000. You'll hate this but we each paid half!

I think my rimg was about a 1/3 of one months salary at the time. If he had spent 3 x his monthly salary I would have been questioning whether I should build a life with someone who had such different values when it came to spending.

If we hadn't built up savings in those early years we never would have never been able to have the life that we have now.

I loose everything and the thought of a £5k plus ring gives me the horrors.
My ring probably did cost 1 months income as we were students and DH blew a major part of his student loan on it. Which I did not appreciate later in the term when he was totally broke.

That’s fair - not everyone cares about rings and that’s totally valid. But I do. I see an engagement ring as a meaningful symbol, not just jewellery or a “branding.”

As for the 3 months’ salary idea - it’s not a hard rule, but for me, it reflects thought and intention. If someone can invest in things they care about for themselves, I’d want them to show the same care and effort for something that’s meant to symbolise our future together. It’s not about branding - it’s about values.

This is crazy. 3 months salary is a huge amount of money that could be spent on a house, or the wedding itself. Anyone who spends that much on a ring needs to learn better financial management.

OP I think you might find yourself unmarried for a long time with this attitude.

Pre or post tax?

Agreed - you're going to mostly get flak on this thread and lots of tales of people whose DH spent £16.50 on their ring, whereas the actual issue seems to be relative spending and prioritisation. There will be absolutely no point in trying to clarify this - the tide has started and it won't stop.

Everyone is entitled to set their own standards for a future partner.

Amongst the standards that I had for my future spouse were the requirements that they were not greedy, materialistic or shallow.

We are all different.

that's potentially a lot of money, depends on other things