To expect an engagement ring to cost at least 3 months salary?

[ThisPeppyRoseBiscuit]

It’s not about being materialistic, it’s about commitment and symbolism. I wouldn’t say yes to a cheap ring. If he can spend on tech, trainers, or cars, he can save for a proper ring. AIBU to hold this standard?

You're the one who put a figure on it so of course it's about money for you!
What if he'd scoured second hand shops for a particular design? Would that be OK? What if he designed it himself and it cost less than your stipulated amount? Would that be OK?
There is more to commitment than the cost of a ring.

If you're in a place where you already feel so aggrieved towards him and his spending, then no size of diamond is going to patch up that relationship.

I wouldn't appreciate a cheap ring personally. Ive been married three times, the man who doesn't bother with a ring or gets a cheap one does not respect you.
They don't think you are worth it.
Trust me if they were marrying a supermodel she's get a fantastic ring.
I used to think it was something that didn't matter at all but I'm older and wiser now. If a man makes no effort I reject him.

Aah light the blue touch paper and RUN. Well done op. Brava.

The commitment in my relationship doesn't come from money but partnership, joint endeavour, effort, compromise, equitability, friendship and so on. It's lasted us 26yrs so far. I don't need metallic symbols; the functioning marriage is enough.

My fiancé spent about 2/3 months wages on mine I believe, he has never actually disclosed the cost and nor would I want to know. I didn’t ask him to spend so much and said I wouldn’t mind if it was a cheap one but he wanted to. He said it was the second most expensive purchase of his life.

Although I don’t think it’s essential, I do think it shows some commitment if your partner wants to save and sacrifice for the engagement ring.

Surely it takes no more effort to buy an expensive ring than a cheaper one.

Your posts sound like it is nothing to do with the cost of the ring??

Agreed, but the OP is framing that her requirements are not materialistic. When clearly they are. She could at least be honest about that, so that any potential spouse is aware of her priorities. They may suit them perfectly well, or not.

'Why do you even need an engagement ring?'

Well said. They're a totally daft idea that belong in the days of the Bronte sisters. And as for commitment, isn't that where the 'getting married' part comes in?!

You sound 100% materialistic!
An engagement ring is a love token showing intent to marry, not some flashy bit of bling to show off on instagram.
And they say romance is dead... 🙄

Do you not see the rank hypocrisy in claiming "it's not about the cost itself" while also having a very specific minimum amount of money that you would find acceptable? It absolutely is about the cost.

Is it 3 months' net or gross? Am I allowed to calculate after pension? Do I exclude my bonus? I'd be looking at between £22.5k and £50k depending on your thoughts so please clarify urgently in case I want to propose to someone.

Did you get proposed to with a fifty quid jobbie from Amazon when he's on £100k?

Or is there no sign of a proposal and you're coming up with reasons to tell yourself why this really isn't a problem for you?

is it a social media thing?

This supermodel they're buying a ring for? Is the money spent related to her perceived attractiveness or the pressures of having to fit an ideal? I'm confused as to the motives of the men you've encountered. Most men I know marry for love and effort is about far more than whipping out a credit card.

The divorce is going to cost more.

The "3 months salary" idea was a marketing strategy from De Beers. I wonder what vested interest they might have in making people spend money on diamonds?

I believe they also invented the idea of eternity rings.

Can I have a new car instead because 3 months of DHs salary would get me a nice motor and I'd rather that than a ring. Thanks.

That’s fair - not everyone cares about rings and that’s totally valid. But I do. I see an engagement ring as a meaningful symbol, not just jewellery or a “branding.”
So if an engagement ring is so meaningful are you spending 3 months (pre tax?) of your earnings on an engagement ring for your partner or are you cheap?

AIBU to hold this standard?

I think you’re letting yourself down but not in a good way.

This just makes me feel quite sad for you tbh op

Oh, I agree, the OP sounds incredibly materialistic. She isn't really being subtle about this, though, so hopefully, the fiance will work this out in time and then make an informed decision about whether he wants to tie himself to someone with the OP's values.

It wouldn't be for me, but as I said, we're all different. The OP is setting out what is important to her. It is up to the fiance to take or leave it.

When you say "branding;" do you mean names of jewellers ranges (CBA to think of any right now) or "branding" like the mark left on livestock ?

I think 6 months minimum.

Also, being as it's a modern world and men and women are equal you should give him a fast car equal to the same amount of money to prove your commitment.

It’s cheap, tacky and very low class but each to their own. If you’re wanting to portray yourself of a higher wealth tone down the diamond and concentrate on property.

My original ring cost about £18 as we were broke. That got stolen and I got a new one some years ago, it was a style I really like but wasn’t hugely expensive even though we can easily afford stuff now. We’ve been married for over 40 years. It really shouldn’t be about cost, but what you like style wise.