To expect an engagement ring to cost at least 3 months salary?

[ThisPeppyRoseBiscuit]

It’s not about being materialistic, it’s about commitment and symbolism. I wouldn’t say yes to a cheap ring. If he can spend on tech, trainers, or cars, he can save for a proper ring. AIBU to hold this standard?

Crikey, you’ll be wanting a dowry in a minute!

I'd be completely fuming if it did!

I bought my wife's engagement ring, it felt like an impossible tightrope between spending enough for such a significant thing whilst not tipping into "you spent how much?!"

Mine was less than a months worth of wages

I wasn't worried about the minimum value but wanted a rugged ring that would last

My ring cost £400 from a local antique store and I absolutely love it. I couldn’t care less what it cost and to be honest I wouldn’t be happy with my partner spending three months salary on a piece of jewellery when that money could easily go towards the actual wedding, a holiday or house deposit etc.

Ridiculous, that would be about £24k here and I would be absolutely livid if he spent that much. I have a beautiful antique blue diamond engagement ring that I think cost £800!! And we are financially secure.

Even De Beers only thought it should be 2 months’ salary!

Made up.

insane thing to spend three months salary on IMO.

I think you are selling yourself short...why not six months!

Yabu. Are you giving him something 3x monthly salary too?

Haven’t read the full thread but wasnt this ‘tradition’ started by an ad campaign for a diamond company many decades ago?

This is a glaring example of knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing.

It’s a totally made-up, arbitrary ‘standard’ that doesn’t show or guarantee any kind of commitment.

The cost of the ring has no bearing whatsoever on the success or failure of a marriage; in fact, I’d suggest any marriage entered into by someone who cares about this kind of crap is probably going to fail, when the husband fails to comply with another made up, meaningless ‘expectation’.

Also, how are you going to know - ask for the receipt?

Fine to expect something a bit more special than a ring from Argos (though I notice those can be up to a grand these days), but 3m salary in this day and age? No, that figure was made up by people marketing rings. He should spend what he can afford allowing for your joint financial plans (house deposits, rent, kids planned etc).

Amongst people I know it is more common that engagement rings were done on a budget, but very special, expensive rings [eternity rings? Not sure what they are called by the marketing guys] were given on 20/25th wedding anniversaries as a token of the longevity of the relationship at a time when kids have left home/mortgage is paid up, careers are peaking etc. A much more sensible approach in my book.

I think that you are being Rediculus. I would be livid if DH had spent £25k on a ring, I also wouldn’t feel safe wearing it. I’m happy with my “rock” that cost less than half of a months salary.

Surely if you are considering marrying your partner should know you well enough to get the style right?
Or shop together? It’s about the commitment, getting a ring to love for life, not the price tag

Yep, just googled and it was an ad campaign started by De Beers to get men to spend more on an engagement ring. Personally, I’d rather my fiancé saved that money for our house/honeymoon/ emergencies

When you say "branding;" do you mean names of jewellers ranges (CBA to think of any right now) or "branding" like the mark left on livestock ?
When I say symbolically branded i mean exactly like livestock!

It's an image I've had since being a teen that when a man puts on an engagement ring on his girlfriend he us telling everyone she is taken and is his. I have not been able to shake that image in over 45 years as its not helped that men don't generally have engagement ring in my culture ( white british).

If you’re not happy with how much he’d spend on it maybe it’s time to think about the relationship. Sounds like you’re not aligned financially which might lead to problems down the road. I think 3 months salary on a ring is a waste of money personally.

But the 3 month thing was something invented by retailers to encourage people to buy more - like women shaving because Gilette wanted to expand their customer base. It's literally based on something someone made up to make more money. Any 'you should spend xxx' on jewellery is the same. In light of this, how do you feel?

How’s that conversation going to go?

Will you marry me?
Depends. What did the ring cost?

awkward!

Are you the 'the man should pay if he asked you on the date' poster?

When I was young, many of the grand old ladies with rich husbands had modest engagement rings (having married young) and a clutch of knuckle dusters diamonds and other expensive jewellery on other fingers and around their necks. It’s a sign of a long and successful marriage.

1)The tradition is 1 month’s salary, 2)That tradition only came about because of a very successful advertising campaign by de Beers.

I get the “having standards” thing but I would judge more by whether he knew me well enough to know what style I’d like. The cost is irrelevant - if he can buy to your taste it shows he’s observant, thinking and wants to please you.

Showing off on social media has a lot to answer for.

Show him your post. Could save him a fortune.

It used to be a month’s salary back when I got engaged and we spent a fraction of that.

@ThisPeppyRoseBiscuit what gift are you planning on buying your future DH which cost 3 months of your salary?

How many dead and/or exploited diamond and gold miners are equivalent to this three months of salary @ThisPeppyRoseBiscuit?