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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS(8) not invited to party

562 replies

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:01

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

OP posts:
LoreOfBabylon · 09/04/2025 14:50

I’d be seriously tempted to cancel! You can’t reason with women like that and I’d be worried she would make your son feel unwelcome during the party.

If she didn’t want last minute drama she wouldn’t have sent you that text. It’s on her.

SonK · 09/04/2025 14:50

LoreOfBabylon · 09/04/2025 14:50

I’d be seriously tempted to cancel! You can’t reason with women like that and I’d be worried she would make your son feel unwelcome during the party.

If she didn’t want last minute drama she wouldn’t have sent you that text. It’s on her.

Agree with this ^

Waitingforspring77 · 09/04/2025 14:51

MayaPinion · 09/04/2025 14:28

Complete CF! I’d reply, ‘You’re expecting my DS to remain indoors while his friends come round and play on his equipment while he’s not even invited to join them? That’s absolutely not happening and I’m astounded you think that’s appropriate. You will need to find somewhere else to host the party as you are no longer welcome here.’

This 100%

CautiousLurker01 · 09/04/2025 14:51

I’d say, okay and that you’ll be invoicing her for the exclusive hire of your garden and equipment, then.

LadeOde · 09/04/2025 14:51

I would judge you more as his mother for allowing to happen right under your nose. Great way to teach your ds that other people's welfare and happiness matter more. If your ds and this boy are friends what lesson is his friend being taught that his friend whose house they are using, has no right to come into the garden at his own house as he might take the 'shine' off his party?? that his friend is a doormat locked inside while they are having fun in his backyard and his feelings don't matter and can be opressed even in his own home. I just hope his DD hits the roof.

Fargo79 · 09/04/2025 14:51

Cheeky cow! That's an insane level of entitlement and meanness.

I can see your reasons for not wanting to cancel and they make sense. But I would 100% have to let her know how out of order she was. I'd tell her obviously DS will be there because it's his home, his garden and his friends(!) and that it never occurred to you that this would be in question. And then I'd just be dead honest and say that whilst you won't call the party off because you don't want to upset the birthday boy or cause drama in your DS's friendships, it has left a very bitter taste in your mouth and isn't an arrangement that will be repeated.

Riaanna · 09/04/2025 14:51

“Oh I totally understand. You’re of course right. I think I forgot to confirm pricing with you, for events where we aren’t present we have to sort insurance etc. the fee is £500 for the afternoon. Have a super party”.

Crazybaby123 · 09/04/2025 14:51

This is lunacy.

Just explain you will absolutely take a back seat and attend as a guest as if it was not in your garden, but that DS really wants to come and its a little unfair to ask him to sit in the house watching his friends play in his own garden.

Potentially this is a panicked oversight on her part and she will see reason if you explain it to her.

Whoarethoseguys · 09/04/2025 14:51

I can't believe her cheek. She is getting a free venue and she expects your child to keep out of the way in his own home!
In think you should tell her it's not practical to ask your son to stay out of his own garden so it's probably better if she finds another venue

GRex · 09/04/2025 14:52

she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead

This is amazing. I'd have an awful lot of responses. As your preferred option is DS going, I'd keep it clear and simple.

"It looks like you've mixed up a favour we offered for our son's friend with you having the right to exclude our family from access to our garden. It's entirely your decision who you invite to [your DS]'s party, but you will not hold an event at my son's home while excluding him from the party, that would obviously be bonkers. Let us know your decision once you've had a moment to think."

feelingrobbed · 09/04/2025 14:52

No chance. It’s his house. He comes or it’s cancelled. Use chat gpt to make it sound polite 🤣

notwavingbutsinking · 09/04/2025 14:52

With someone this batshit I would be seriously worried about the implications of one of the guests having an accident while on your property, especially regarding the equipment.

JustAboutHangingInThere · 09/04/2025 14:52

You’ve done a really nice thing in giving her the space and equipment for her sons party. I’m speechless at what she’s said. Your son should be invited (given it’s his garden!). If not cancel as that would not be right or fair. I would be incredibly offended. I would be inclined to tell her that no invite is not acceptable, had you known this would be the case you wouldn’t have offered equipment and space. It’s invitation or cancel.

Ineedcoffee2021 · 09/04/2025 14:53

Id cancel

DeborahVance · 09/04/2025 14:53

Bloody hell that is next level cheeky fuckery.

'That's a shame, it's not really fair on DS who has been so looking forward to it to have a party in his garden to which he's not invited. If you really don't want to invite him you'll need to find somewhere else'

ManyATrueWord · 09/04/2025 14:53

I'd be writing "I'm sorry, I offered to help with the party because YourSon and MySon are friends and I of course expected that MySon would be included in his friend's party when it was at his own house. If this is a party where MySon isn't a guest on the same terms as everyone else we won't be able to host as it was a favour to a friend, we are not a venue for hire. " And let her squirm.

CantStopMoving · 09/04/2025 14:53

having children puts you into contact with all the world’s weirdos. You wouldn’t otherwise meet them. 99.99% of people would not have the audacity to accept a massively generous favour off someone and then also give them a massive kick in the shins for the pleasure of it! No good deed goes unpunished so they say…

murasaki · 09/04/2025 14:54

I'm normally reluctant to suggest mobilising your husband, but as you clearly won't back your son, maybe get him to do it.

Tiredofallthis101 · 09/04/2025 14:54

Wow. I'd just say - sorry, we agreed to host the party on the assumption DS would be invited. Perhaps our fault for not checking he would be, but we would not be happy to host the party at our house if DS is not invited. Let us know if you change your mind and decide to invite him, if not then we will assume you will be rearranging the party at a different location.

GRex · 09/04/2025 14:54

feelingrobbed · 09/04/2025 14:52

No chance. It’s his house. He comes or it’s cancelled. Use chat gpt to make it sound polite 🤣

Actually, this does sum it up rather neatly.
No chance, it's his house. He comes or it's cancelled. 😂
Keep the laughing face in too!

Noshowlomo · 09/04/2025 14:54

GRex · 09/04/2025 14:52

she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead

This is amazing. I'd have an awful lot of responses. As your preferred option is DS going, I'd keep it clear and simple.

"It looks like you've mixed up a favour we offered for our son's friend with you having the right to exclude our family from access to our garden. It's entirely your decision who you invite to [your DS]'s party, but you will not hold an event at my son's home while excluding him from the party, that would obviously be bonkers. Let us know your decision once you've had a moment to think."

Great response

AlphaRadiationIsHeliumNuclei · 09/04/2025 14:55

I would just reply briefly and to the point.

'Following your last text message our garden and sports facilities are no longer available for your party. Please inform your guests as soon as possible'.

AprilBunny · 09/04/2025 14:55

DeborahVance · 09/04/2025 14:53

Bloody hell that is next level cheeky fuckery.

'That's a shame, it's not really fair on DS who has been so looking forward to it to have a party in his garden to which he's not invited. If you really don't want to invite him you'll need to find somewhere else'

I’d go for something like this.

Viviennemary · 09/04/2025 14:55

Your garden is no longer available. Ridiculous. Too late for invitation I would say.

Trendyname · 09/04/2025 14:55

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:22

He’s at work, probably will be braver than me and want to cancel.

im just worried about repercussions for ds if we do.

Show quote history

Text her exactly this. The part in brackets being optional.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden (and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion).