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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS(8) not invited to party

562 replies

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:01

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

OP posts:
ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 09/04/2025 14:30

Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever

Obviously cancel the party, but it sounds like this is also random times? That can be stopped too.

TheaBrandt1 · 09/04/2025 14:30

Who is more important her or your son? When you are 80 who will be sitting with you? Her or your son? Fuck her basically op keep your perspective.

AprilBunny · 09/04/2025 14:31

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:08

Thankyou for the replies, I hadn’t yet replied but needed to check I wasn’t being unreasonable and missing something.

Party is very soon and would be putting her out a lot to cancel. I think the most reasonable option would be to just insist it’s only fair that ds gets to go and I think she would agree to that above cancelling the whole party.

I would simply tell her to have the party elsewhere, short notice or not. She is unbelievably cheeky.

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 09/04/2025 14:31

murasaki · 09/04/2025 14:30

Poor you, hope it isn't too painful!

Show quote history

Thank you! It's been delayed as they have no water at the moment. Torture!

Original poster
idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:31

Just to be clear ds know when party is and thinks he’s invited (as we assumed he was), he’s excited.
I wasn’t planning on telling him he wasn’t invited and if we cancelled he would be upset and we would have to give him a reason or he’d hear it from friend at club.
ds is obviously my priority, I just think it might be easier for him if he was reluctantly invited but didn’t know that than if we cancelled the whole thing last minute because he wasn’t wanted there.

OP posts:
TheReturnOfFeathersMcGraw · 09/04/2025 14:32

murasaki · 09/04/2025 14:22

So where's she doing the party tea, your house or hers? Where are all these kids going to the loo? You're being massively taken advantage of here. Does your son know he's not invited, and won't a late invitation upset him?

This. Unless you have an outbuilding with a loo, the kids will be coming into your house to use the facilities and see your ds there. Its very strange to ask this!

WheresYourSnickers · 09/04/2025 14:33

I am usually of the mind that you can invite whoever you want to your party, but in this case I'd be telling her No. It's is absolutely not fair that your DS is not invited to the party (one held at his own house!) because he is too good at a sport.

AprilBunny · 09/04/2025 14:33

Just out of interest will the guests be using your house, kitchen and bathroom etc?
I literally can’t believe the cheek of this woman.

ConnieSlow · 09/04/2025 14:34

MasterOfOne · 09/04/2025 14:13

I'd seriously judge you more for letting this CF walk all over you and your family/home

Exactly and then questioning if you are the Ur one??

BrieAndChilli · 09/04/2025 14:35

I am curious about the sport and the fact that there is nowhere else to do this nearby?

if it was my childs party I would be falling over myself to keep the host family happy, this woman sounds like a user.

Shoemadlady · 09/04/2025 14:35

she clearly hasn’t given your son any thought at all here. Has she not considered that his friends will be in his garden and that he’d be watching through the window wondering why he’s been excluded! Don’t be kind to her, put your son at the forefront of your mind and tell her to eff off in no uncertain terms!

Jibberjabba · 09/04/2025 14:35

Your DS will now be using the space with friends so can no longer accommodate

TravellingJack · 09/04/2025 14:35

Being diplomatic, I’d probably respond with a few laughing emojis and say ‘nice one, you had me going for a minute there! DS is really looking forward to hosting and I’m sure everyone’s looking forward to celebrating Mark’s birthday!’ Give her the chance to realise how very fucking crazy her suggestion is, and if she doesn’t gratefully snatch the opportunity to backtrack, then you can go for shocked and horrified at her audacity.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 09/04/2025 14:35

Rewis · 09/04/2025 14:18

My default assumption is that people suck. Yet, sometimes I'm still shocked how shitty they can be

I’m sitting here by myself, and I still said out loud ‘well I’ve literally heard it all now’ but yes, I’m sure even this will be surpassed sometime, by someone.

ClearPinkPlum · 09/04/2025 14:36

She is a complete user of people, and I’m sure others realise this too.
Cancel.
Especially when you tell people about her, or get a gossipy friend to.

Dinoswearunderpants · 09/04/2025 14:36

NO way in hell would I allow this!

Regardless if your DS is good at the sport or ot, it's the cheekiest thing I've ever heard.

I'd be replying very curtly to her and explaining your son attends the party or there is no party at your house.

My mind is blown by this disgusting behaviour.

Ricepudpud · 09/04/2025 14:36

I'd send an invoice of £150 for hire of venue and equipment to be paid a month in advance of the party.

Use the money to take him out for the day to do something really nice.

However, no pay, no play!

CF!

ClearPinkPlum · 09/04/2025 14:37

I would never have entertained the party from the first though. They are a nightmare of stress and organisation , never mind when someone else is using your house.

nomas · 09/04/2025 14:38

I think your approach is right, Op.

Tell this awful woman that your son cannot be excluded from a party at his own home, so either he attends the party like a guest like all the other kids, or that she needs to find an alternative venue.

That way, it’s her jeopardising her son’s party, not you.

Hwi · 09/04/2025 14:38

I can't believe what I have just read? Seriously? Never heard of such awfulness ever.

Indyschoolq · 09/04/2025 14:39

Wow. Just wow. This woman is something special.

Paganpentacle · 09/04/2025 14:39

HoppingPavlova · 09/04/2025 14:10

Party is very soon and would be putting her out a lot to cancel. I think the most reasonable option would be to just insist it’s only fair that ds gets to go and I think she would agree to that above cancelling the whole party

How could you even look her in the face at the party after that stunt though? I’d now naturally look like a sucked a lemon whenever I looked at her, wouldn’t be deliberate, just a visceral reaction to what a deranged cow she is.

This.
She'd be getting in my garden over my dead body now.
No way.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 09/04/2025 14:39

MasterOfOne · 09/04/2025 14:13

I'd seriously judge you more for letting this CF walk all over you and your family/home

I think sometimes people or situations are so off the wall that you get bewildered and frozen by it and it almost turns back full circle.

Normal manners would mean this sort of thing was not even thought of, let alone spoken out loud to the OP, so when you have someone saying it to your face it doesn’t initially strike you as rude, it just confuses you until you get someone else’s response and it shakes you into action.

murasaki · 09/04/2025 14:39

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:31

Just to be clear ds know when party is and thinks he’s invited (as we assumed he was), he’s excited.
I wasn’t planning on telling him he wasn’t invited and if we cancelled he would be upset and we would have to give him a reason or he’d hear it from friend at club.
ds is obviously my priority, I just think it might be easier for him if he was reluctantly invited but didn’t know that than if we cancelled the whole thing last minute because he wasn’t wanted there.

Her son might tell him he wasn't invited. At the party. That would be awful.

TheMasterplan23 · 09/04/2025 14:40

I’d tell DS to go out and play in HIS garden anyway. If she says anything just say loudly “oh he’s not at your party….he’s just playing with HIS stuff in HIS garden”

CF of the highest order.