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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS(8) not invited to party

562 replies

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:01

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

OP posts:
SuperTrooper14 · 09/04/2025 14:56

Are you insured to allow a third party group to use the equipment on your property for a party? If it's something like trampolining, then surely you or DH need to be there to supervise, which means of course your DS will have to be present too.

NewAgeNewMe · 09/04/2025 14:56

Some people never seem to amaze me!

SonK · 09/04/2025 14:56

GRex · 09/04/2025 14:54

Actually, this does sum it up rather neatly.
No chance, it's his house. He comes or it's cancelled. 😂
Keep the laughing face in too!

Show quote history

Lol yes - can you please just say this to her if you don't want to rescind the offer x

OatFlatWhiteForMe · 09/04/2025 14:56

The party is in your DS’s home, he is therefore automatically invited. I am disgusted at the other parent.

There would be no good will going forward for training etc either.

Crazybaby123 · 09/04/2025 14:57

Just a thought.. maybe shes charging people to come to it and doeant want you to find out
Or maybe shes invited people and told them its her house.
Or maybe her mad uncle Jim and his lot are coming and they like to smash beer cans on their heads and ahe is embarressed.
Either way, shes out of order.

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 09/04/2025 14:57

"Understood, sorry to hear you no longer think this is a suitable venue for the party. I hope you find somewhere else."

SlightlyJaded · 09/04/2025 14:57

This is one of those occasions where honesty is best

Hi CF

I am gong to cut to the chase and tell you that I honestly had to read your message twice to be sure I hadn't misunderstood. Now that I am clear on your suggestion, I am having to think about where to go from here. I realise it will be very difficult for you to arrange a new venue at this short notice and that it would be a shame for your DS to have his party upended, but did you really think that it was okay to exclude XXX whose home it is? Whose equipment you are borrowing? Who is friends with your DS? Who is looking forward to the party? Just because he might take the 'shine' off your DS? Seriously?

What did you think would happen? That he would sit in his room watching one of his friends and other boys jumping around in his garden knowing he wasn't allowed to join in?

I am going to do the fairest thing I think I can do, and put the ball back in your court. Leaving DS out becuase he is 'too good' at the activity is not an option for us, so please let me know how you'd like to move forward.

Thanks
OP

HScully · 09/04/2025 14:57

Just send the following:

" Apologies I did not realise that that would be the case. As you could understand it would likely cause my son great distress to have a party hosted at his own home with all his friends that he is not invited to. So I would be unable to facilitate on this occasion."

She will soon change her tune Id be amazed if she cancels

If she does cancel, then just let people know why, she is being so unreasonable no one would think bad of you here

LBFseBrom · 09/04/2025 14:57

murasaki · 09/04/2025 14:03

I'd be rescinding the offer, she is taking cheeky fuckery to new levels here.

That, with knobs on!

PrincessScarlett · 09/04/2025 15:00

Has the CF even told you how many people she has invited? You could have cars parked all over the place and pissing your neighbours off. There will be parents insisting on staying and parents who bring siblings that aren't invited so they will run riot in your non sporting part of the garden.

AlphaRadiationIsHeliumNuclei · 09/04/2025 15:02

I would also make sure that the other parents know that she tried this on. I'm sure they'll all be just as horrified as we all are.

Jibberjabba · 09/04/2025 15:04

I honestly think it’s gone beyond her hosting at yours because of her knee jerk response. You shouldn’t have to beg for your son to attend or say anything except the deal is now off the table.

Fingernailbiter · 09/04/2025 15:08

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:08

Thankyou for the replies, I hadn’t yet replied but needed to check I wasn’t being unreasonable and missing something.

Party is very soon and would be putting her out a lot to cancel. I think the most reasonable option would be to just insist it’s only fair that ds gets to go and I think she would agree to that above cancelling the whole party.

"Verruca, I’m amazed that you are suggesting my son should not be allowed to attend a birthday party held by one of his friends, in my son's own back garden! It would be grossly unfair to him and I would not be able to explain to him why he should suffer that.

If you really feel you cannot invite him (with a good grace) I’m afraid the only other option would be for you to move the party elsewhere."

Pigsears · 09/04/2025 15:13

I'd be careful.

The woman sounds self absorbed and unhinged. Friend enough to borrow someone's home, but not enough to invite to the actual party? Who even thinks like that?!. T

If DS end up being invited, I'd bet that she has dripped venom to others (children / parents)... So approach with caution.

ISpyNoPlumPie · 09/04/2025 15:15

I would 100% cancel @idontunderstandwhy, but I agree with you so I wouldn’t be prepared to mess things up for my child OR risk me looking like that twat here. No fucking way, this is all on her. I would tell a massive lie (“oh I am
so sorry, our whatever is broken”) that would not allow her to use my garden/the facilities. I wouldn’t trust her at all anymore, I would not want the pity invite for my child, but I would absolutely not tell her the truth. Then I would cut her out. Seriously. Fuck her.

SillyBilly1993 · 09/04/2025 15:15

What a horrible woman!

You’re in a difficult position OP, and as tempting as it would be to cancel the party I understand why it would cause issues.

I would message her to say ‘I don’t understand. Are you saying that you want to uninvite DS but still hold a party at his house that he can’t attend? I think that would be really hurtful and upsetting for him. If you want to move the party to another venue then that’s fine, but holding one at our house and not inviting DS wouldn’t work.’

And then I’d leave the ball in her court.

AlphaRadiationIsHeliumNuclei · 09/04/2025 15:15

Pigsears · 09/04/2025 15:13

I'd be careful.

The woman sounds self absorbed and unhinged. Friend enough to borrow someone's home, but not enough to invite to the actual party? Who even thinks like that?!. T

If DS end up being invited, I'd bet that she has dripped venom to others (children / parents)... So approach with caution.

I agree with this.

If your son attends, she will be vile to him.

MoreChocPls · 09/04/2025 15:16

She’s a cf!! How nasty. Either your son goes or she goes.

MoreChocPls · 09/04/2025 15:16

Honestly, I’m seriously angry for you!!

MrBallensWife · 09/04/2025 15:16

So she expects your DS to sit watching from the window at all the other kids playing in HIS garden?.I'd be telling her to fuck right the fuck off 🤬

MumWifeOther · 09/04/2025 15:16

What am I even reading? This is so unbelievably rude, I would be telling her to F off and ending the friendship. What a piss take.

89redballoons · 09/04/2025 15:17

Wtaf! This is one of the cheekiest things I've ever read on mumsnet. Your poor DS!

JustMyView13 · 09/04/2025 15:17

murasaki · 09/04/2025 14:03

I'd be rescinding the offer, she is taking cheeky fuckery to new levels here.

Solid agree with this comment!
I would also position it as: ‘you’re so right, I hadn’t considered that. Probably best you find another venue to avoid all the confusion’.

Edit: Also OP, please stop worrying about ‘repercussions for your son’. If this boy is truly your DS friend, he’d invite him to his party. This ship has sailed.

Pigsears · 09/04/2025 15:19

JustMyView13 · 09/04/2025 15:17

Solid agree with this comment!
I would also position it as: ‘you’re so right, I hadn’t considered that. Probably best you find another venue to avoid all the confusion’.

Edit: Also OP, please stop worrying about ‘repercussions for your son’. If this boy is truly your DS friend, he’d invite him to his party. This ship has sailed.

Edited
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👆👆👆 this is perfect

diddl · 09/04/2025 15:20

Can you cancel on the grounds of no insurance?

Why were you so keen to let her have a party there & her son come & practise whenever he wants?

Is there anywhere else nearby do you know?

It's doubtful she even looked after your offer I would have thought.