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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH is best man - stag do & young children

265 replies

Foreverexhausted1 · 09/04/2025 09:25

Hi everyone,

Looking for some opinions on this situation as me & DH can't agree!

DH is the best man so is organising the stag do. We have 3 DC, 5, 3 and under 1. Originally it was going to be a day, possibly overnight but the groom wants to do a long weekend. DH thinks IABU to say a long weekend is too long with 3 young kids.

DH says if I wanted to go away I could and he would look after DC but I'm not sure he really means it. He's gone away with friends every year since DC were born including when I was heavily pregnant last year and was hospitalised. I asked him then not to go but he did anyway so I know regardless of how I feel about this stag do, he will go.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Guistarry · 09/04/2025 09:28

Do you ever make plans with friends etc? Or do you just imagine he wouldn't be keen if you did? If you're just guessing he'd have an issue then seems unfair to say no to this. As he's best man and it's not just a random stag for someone he doesn't know as well a long weekend seems fine to me, but ultimately it's up to you what you're happy with isn't it.

DenholmElliot11 · 09/04/2025 09:29

Do you consider your relationship to be a long term relationship? Surely these things even themselves out over the course of a relationship. So he gets a bit more of the family resources now, and later on, perhaps you'll get a bit more of them.

Let the man go on the stag do!

takealettermsjones · 09/04/2025 09:29

I would make it work (could you get your mum or a friend to help if necessary?) and then absolutely take him up on his offer of you going away! Make sure you tot up all the days you're owed from previous years too 😉

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 09/04/2025 09:29

If he goes, then you take him at his word and you go away for three days and leave him with the kids.

Are you breastfeeding the youngest?

Sofiewoo · 09/04/2025 09:30

I think either parent should be able to do a long weekend every now and then.

My DH and I both went on a stag/ hen when ours were 3 and 9 months for a few nights. I don’t think it’s a crazy amount of time to mind your own kids.

MostlyHappyMummy · 09/04/2025 09:30

Do your weekend away before the stag do and then you'll both get a weekend

Hmm765 · 09/04/2025 09:30

Do you not want him to go away on a long weekend because you will struggle with the kids on your own? If so then you could maybe ask some family to help out.

I think it would be quite mean telling him not to go when he’s best man and it’s not as if he’s away for a week.

Tbrh · 09/04/2025 09:31

You only live once, let him go. You can do the same with your friends

MidnightPatrol · 09/04/2025 09:31

I’d make it work, as it’s a special occasion.

Have you got someone who can come and stay with you for the weekend to help?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 09/04/2025 09:31

Nothing wrong with him going on a stag weekend, nothing wrong with you going away and letting him look after the kids.

crumblingschools · 09/04/2025 09:32

@DenholmElliot11 sounds like he gets more of them all the time as he goes away every year.

What is the plan for the stag do, that might be more my concern?

Will you get invited on the hen or do you not know the bride?

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 09/04/2025 09:32

I can't see an issue with him going away once a year, and it's only a long weekend, it's not like he's going away for 2 weeks.

He's also offering for you to go away, you absolutely should do!!

Guistarry · 09/04/2025 09:33

crumblingschools · 09/04/2025 09:32

@DenholmElliot11 sounds like he gets more of them all the time as he goes away every year.

What is the plan for the stag do, that might be more my concern?

Will you get invited on the hen or do you not know the bride?

But OP probably could go away too, lots of women complain their partners go away but never make plans themselves.

Purplecatshopaholic · 09/04/2025 09:33

Of course he should go, as long as you get the same. Suggest you organise a girls weekend away later in the year - for example - when he does the parenting. You can’t really complain if you’ve never organised/booked something yourself. If he’s happy to go away and leave you parenting three, and he says he will reciprocate, you need to hold him to that.

Ponoka7 · 09/04/2025 09:33

So he's gone away without you or the children for 5/3 years, what was the agreement before you got pregnant last time? I'd say to start to get time for yourself and leave him with all three. I think that you should have yhe amount of children that you can manage, that applies to both of you and you both get to have a break.

StampOnTheGround · 09/04/2025 09:34

Most stag do’s are 3 nights away I’ve found - he’s the best man, let him go this should be a none issue. Yes it’s hard solo parenting young children, but the 3 nights will fly by and you know you can have a break at some point too x

arethereanyleftatall · 09/04/2025 09:34

he should go.

you should also go on a different long weekend without dc

noidea69 · 09/04/2025 09:35

Seems a bit mean really, if he's out every weekend getting pissed and not doing anything with kids then would see why this would piss you off.

But if he generally pulls his weight then cant really see issue, i dont think having a long weekend away (either mum or dad) is a bad thing.

Firenzeflower · 09/04/2025 09:35

Seems ok.
My OH went away a lot with work when the kids were little. I liked it.

noidea69 · 09/04/2025 09:37

Guistarry · 09/04/2025 09:33

But OP probably could go away too, lots of women complain their partners go away but never make plans themselves.

Show quote history

generally beacause making plans to go away with other women is always a nightmare, and not worth the bother doing, so weekend away never happens.

NoctuaAthene · 09/04/2025 09:38

If he's best man I assume this is a very close friend / relative? I knew it's too late now but really you/he should have considered this before agreeing to him taking on the best man job, like it or loathe it it's very standard now for stag/hen dos to involve at least one night away and usually a whole weekend. It does seem a bit hard on the groom to have to compromise because his best man hasn't adequately sorted his childcare, but could they maybe do a closer trip and keep it to two nights rather than 3, and perhaps your DH could travel down late on the Friday after bedtime and come back early in the Sunday so you only have to do one full day and one bedtime without him? And if possible could you arrange to spend the Saturday with friends or family so you aren't totally alone? Basically I think you have to try to make it work or your DH has to find someone else to take over organizing the stag and perhaps the whole of the best man job, and you need a serious conversation about agreeing to things like this in future as it's not fair on anyone to commit to things if the whole family isn't on board?

Sofiewoo · 09/04/2025 09:39

noidea69 · 09/04/2025 09:37

generally beacause making plans to go away with other women is always a nightmare, and not worth the bother doing, so weekend away never happens.

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There’s no reason this needs to be the case.
I can’t say I’ve ever found “making plans with other women” to always be a nightmare.

Icanttakethisanymore · 09/04/2025 09:39

I'd be ok with it but I have a good relationship and we are very equal parents. He has (and does) look after our kids overnight on his own.

Coali · 09/04/2025 09:44

noidea69 · 09/04/2025 09:37

generally beacause making plans to go away with other women is always a nightmare, and not worth the bother doing, so weekend away never happens.

Show quote history

Eh?! You need more competent friends! Choose a date, book flights, book accommodation. It’s not rocket science. How do you cope in real life?!

My friends and I have a couple of weekends away a year. I’d be really sad if my husband said he couldn’t cope (not that he’d ever say or think that).

crumblingschools · 09/04/2025 09:44

How much parenting and doing household chores does he do when at home? How often has he had the children by himself?