DH is best man - stag do & young children

[Foreverexhausted1]

Hi everyone,

Looking for some opinions on this situation as me & DH can't agree!

DH is the best man so is organising the stag do. We have 3 DC, 5, 3 and under 1. Originally it was going to be a day, possibly overnight but the groom wants to do a long weekend. DH thinks IABU to say a long weekend is too long with 3 young kids.

DH says if I wanted to go away I could and he would look after DC but I'm not sure he really means it. He's gone away with friends every year since DC were born including when I was heavily pregnant last year and was hospitalised. I asked him then not to go but he did anyway so I know regardless of how I feel about this stag do, he will go.

AIBU?

Until he experiences what it's like caring for them solo, he'll never change his attitude. Get yourself a weekend away booked & DO NOT fuss around making sure meals are planned, shopping is done etc. My kids' dad used to say 'every day's a holuday for you' when I was working from home & looking after 3 x under 5s. So I left him with them for 2 nights. He never once said it again.

I am a man hater BUT I think best man stag do is acceptable even for a weekend. Though you have to get the same and where you’ve been pregnant with 3 babies for the last 6 years… you are totally owed hundreds of nights. Just make sure you get a decent chunk before he goes and get them booked in. DO NOT TAKE ANY CHILD WITH YOU.

Make your own plans to go away. Don’t prep the house with shopping etc and meals planned. He will need to sort everything.

Go and stay in a hotel somewhere. Switch off your phone and say there’s no signal as otherwise you will get phone calls asking where stuff is.

enjoy a lovely bath with a book and a good nights sleep

But that's you who feels the need to be glued to your kids constantly. Not everyone else is of the same mindset

Edited to add that I have made some plans to have some time to myself and I'm very much looking forward to it

Glad to hear you have taken this on board from the thread @Foreverexhausted1 . I hope you have a lovely time.

Well, that's your issue choice @Valeriekat .

However, I think @Sofiewoo is the sensible one and definitely not atypical.

Each to their own.

Not in my experience. Getting away lets you get everything, including parenthood, in proportion.

He went away even when you were pregnant and hospitalised?! Well that says all you need to know! Is he always a selfish prick or just around his need for a yearly holiday … obviously ignoring the fact his wife and kids need him…
Take him at his word… get on line and start looking at weekends away for yourself… be sure to let him know you’re booking yourself a break and be vocal ‘can you put June 16th - 20th in diary DH as I’ll be away for my annual break… you’ll need to adjust hours around childcare those days!!’ Or words to that effect!!
It’s easy for a partner to say they wouldn’t mind you doing something when they know full well you won’t!! So start calling his bluff and book yourself YOU time! And please don’t have anymore kids with this inconsiderate man!

I remember my abusive ex asking me once (or rather telling me) ‘you don’t have an issue with me going on a stag weekend to Amsterdam do you!!!”… he decided not to go when I said “that’s fine as long as you don’t mind me going to Ibiza with my friends !! “
He didn’t hesitate to turn down the invite!!

I have 4 DC. This is the norm for me. Husband works as a sales Rep and is sometimes away 4 nights a week always at least 1 night. He's done this for 20 years. I've always worked to.

Sounds good to me!

You get the house to yourself, the TV to yourself and plenty of rubbish food :)

And you're also promised a weekend away yourself too.

Stag weekend, I think YABU. Plenty of time to plan, and it's a big deal to be best man

But, as often the case, I don't think the stag weekend is the issue. It's more about the wider relationship

Make sure your own trip away does come off

I'm raising three kids completely alone 24/7, 365, since the days they were born. They're 14 months, 5, and just turned 9 last week. It's hard, I get it, but he's going to a once in a lifetime event and he can't just not go as he's in the wedding party. If it's going to be too much (no shame in admitting that), see if you have a friend or relative who can come by and help, or even hire a babysitter to babysit while you're there too just so you have an extra set of hands. If that won't work, pre-make all the food so you just have to toss it in the oven, stock up on snacks, don't worry about the housework or screen time, just get through the day without anything important exploding and deal with the mess when he comes back

I'm glad you've decided to have some time by yourself. That's exactly what you should do. But I would be completely staggered if he learned the first thing about how difficult it is to look after his children by himself. What are the odds he will immediately book his mother to come and look after them for him and then tell you he can't imagine why you make such a fuss about it?

I literally made an account so I could tell you not to listen to these comments calling you unreasonable. Your post has made it into other platforms and I can tell you that most people think you are getting some upside down responses. If my partner would act like yours I would leave him. He's selfish and you shouldn't be guilt tripped into believing you're wrong.