Is once to twice a week sex enough in a marriage ? When does sex drive dwindle in men ?

[isitenoughnow]

I just don’t ever feel up for it. The thought makes me feel sick. But I do it, as it causes resentment from my husband if I don’t.

anyway, he’s expecting it once a week- sometimes twice ( but more rarely twice ). Usually it’s once a week.

I am going away tomorrow for 2 weeks and usually he expects it in this kind of circumstance and will summon me soon.

I feel sick thinking about it. I just don’t want to do it.

I feel resentful of myself, of my body, of him. The fact that I just have to keep doing this or otherwise it’s a problem for my marriage.

when do men stop wanting sex ? Does it really need to be a weekly thing or could it be monthly or whatever ? I just can’t take it anymore. When I say no, it’s endless begging and if I continue to say no, usually sulking.

I honestly feel like crying tonight as I know he’s going to come and request it from me.

at the weekend I was worried about him as he was out in his fast car and I thought how sad it would be if something happened. But it did cross my mind that at least I wouldn’t need to have sex anymore.

anyway, I ask again - at what age does sex drive dwindle in men ?

Your problem isn't when will his sex drive dwindles...it's that you're in an untenable position now. This is no way to live and is practically halfway to rape just now as you're having sex pretty much without enthusiastic.

I live with a DH with a very low sex drive but that's not the point, it's mutually agreeable and fun on the fairly rare occasions. If it was not agreeable, then you really want to ask yourself why and then make decisions accordingly.

OP - gently - this sounds like you're in an abusive marriage.

Do you want to stay with him?

Nobody should ever feel coerced and he shouldn’t sulk if you don’t have sex. That’s appalling.

Have you raised your feelings about sex with him?

I was going to say I wish it was that often but this sounds awful.
You don't have to ever have sex if you don't want to and he can't demand it! This is a seriously unhealthy relationship.

So what happens if you say no and just stop?

of course I’ve raised it! But what can we do ? He can’t be in a sexless marriage. It’s not a real marriage for him if there’s no sex. He really needs it. What can we do ? We used to have less sex, but recently it feels like it’s constantly demanded. I don’t want to leave my husband but I just can’t help how I feel about sex.

Pray for prostate issues. Then it’s sayonara to any sex!

But seriously, this makes me sad. My DH is also expectant of it on a regular basis and we have bickered about our different sex drives but he also respects ‘no’ and drops it there and then if I say as such.
This is definitely straying into coercive behaviour territory

He summons you?! Does he think you’re his handmaiden or something?! That sounds abusive to me.

He begs and begs and begs. I usually give in. If I am very firm, he sometimes leaves it be, but I have to say no 1 million times.

if I say no a few times, say twice in a row - let’s say then we haven’t done it for a couple of weeks, he gets pissed off. I feel like he is more on edge generally and not happy/ nice to me if we don’t have sex regularly. He’s not an abuser, he’s just frustrated if he doesn’t get it.

Have you considered suggesting an open marriage?

Yes, he is abusive.

Op. You are being coerced in to sex. You are not willingly consenting. That is a crime.

The question you need to ask yourself is WHY you want to stay married to this man?

With that attitude from him no wonder you have no desire to have sex.

So he wants to have sex with you but he's aware you don't enjoy it? That's grim. Why don't you want to have sex with him, btw? Is he actually any good at it? Did things used to be better between you two?

To be honest, I’ve said it to him before and he was absolutely shocked and offended.

he took it to mean I don’t love him. In my desperation I said ‘ why don’t you just do it with someone else and leave me alone ‘. He was upset.

I feel like he is more on edge generally and not happy/ nice to me if we don’t have sex regularly. He’s not an abuser, he’s just frustrated if he doesn’t get it.

This IS abusive behaviour.

Why does he want to have sex with someone who he knows doesn’t want to have sex with him?

Hmmm that’s very coercive. I left my now ex dh for the same sort of behaviour. Been with current dh 15 years now and I have complex health issues and we rarely have sex and he never ever moans about it.

You are wrong op.

He IS an abuser.

I don’t know what it is. I just find sex gross in general nowadays I think. Sometimes yeah he also grosses me out with all his noises. I don’t know the in and out makes me feel sick right now to think about. It’s not that he’s particularly bad at it. I think doing it for years when you don’t want to, probably is what’s put me off.

To answer your question, DH is 60 and still going strong. BUT, there is absolutely no issue if I (or indeed he) says no and never in our entire marriage has he “summoned’ me for sex. And honestly, if he tried that, my legs would clamp shut.
There is more going on here op, his behaviour is entitled, disrespectful and abusive. Your body, your choice.
What would happen if you said no and that you were only saying it once and weren’t going to discuss it again? And that if he persisted or “sulked” that would make you want to shag him….well, never?

Can you answer op why you want to stay married to him?

is it finances? Kids?

for me, the ONLY reason I would live with a man rather than a woman is sex. If it was just company/finances I wanted, I’d choose my sister.

what is the fast car thing about

If you are very serious about an open marriage then that was completely the wrong way for you to bring it up

He would accept it, he’d probably not sulk if it was just a one off- if it happened frequently he’d sulk and he’d try and get me to talk about why I’m never up for it etc etc

the fact remains that I don’t want to do something that is part of marriage and he needs it. So what can we really do or say? It needs to happen. I grit my teeth and get through it. But I dread it and I’m so happy when I have my period. Although last period I had he begged and begged and even said he doesn’t believe I have a period and can I give him a BJ but I told him no. But I did have to say it many many times until he left me alone.