Is once to twice a week sex enough in a marriage ? When does sex drive dwindle in men ?

[isitenoughnow]

I just don’t ever feel up for it. The thought makes me feel sick. But I do it, as it causes resentment from my husband if I don’t.

anyway, he’s expecting it once a week- sometimes twice ( but more rarely twice ). Usually it’s once a week.

I am going away tomorrow for 2 weeks and usually he expects it in this kind of circumstance and will summon me soon.

I feel sick thinking about it. I just don’t want to do it.

I feel resentful of myself, of my body, of him. The fact that I just have to keep doing this or otherwise it’s a problem for my marriage.

when do men stop wanting sex ? Does it really need to be a weekly thing or could it be monthly or whatever ? I just can’t take it anymore. When I say no, it’s endless begging and if I continue to say no, usually sulking.

I honestly feel like crying tonight as I know he’s going to come and request it from me.

at the weekend I was worried about him as he was out in his fast car and I thought how sad it would be if something happened. But it did cross my mind that at least I wouldn’t need to have sex anymore.

anyway, I ask again - at what age does sex drive dwindle in men ?

It doesnt sound like it is the frequency with you, but that you have to do it at all.

have you considered therapy to unpick why? At keast then youll be confidently armed with knowledge.

They believe they're entitled to sex and marriage implies ownership. She's not having sex because she wants to and he knows this. He's pressuring someone into unwanted sex which is rape.

Why don't you want it? Don't you fancy him anymore?.Doesn't he turn you on?
Is he selfish?
Or are you ill?
What about sexual therapy?
How old are you?
I'd give anything to beable to have a beautiful sex life... but l can't ( severely disabled) due to an ex throwing me under a moving bus.
Crushed pelvis/ vagina .. host of other physical problems.. l don't even have a full vagina or clitoris..
I use to have a very high libido.. before this happened.
Please if your marriage is good in every other way.. find some help.
I always said if there isn't a mutual sexual relationship in a relationship... then there is NO relationship.
Sex should not be a chore.. it should be enjoyable.

Do you not like sex in general or just not with him?
Are you tired and stressed?
Would you like to be up for it more?
Do you fancy him?
Do you fancy other people?

I'd be devastated if my life partner just stopped wanting to do it with me without considering any of those things

You are damaging your mental health and yourself esteem by forcing yourself to submit to sex that you don't want. You are an autonomous human being and if you never want to have sex again for the rest of your life that is your choice, and you have a perfect right to live without it. The problem is that your marriage probably won't survive if sex is no longer on the table. As others have said, it's really horrible to think that your husband is happy to have sex with you knowing that you don't want it. He can't have a single shred of respect for you.

Straight up creep vibes on this one. We're roughly once a week. If I indicate that i'm not up for it, that is that, same if he says hes tired/sick or just not in the mood. Occasionally if it's been a few weeks, he will try more (snuggle in bed, try to chat etc), it's obvious what he wants, but he would never beg for it, make me feel uncomfortable, demand BJs, to know if i'm on my period etc. What you describe is really bad, and gives me the ick and some.

id guess speeding and being hazardous in his large guzzler

Your DH sounds pretty off-putting, although well aware we’ve only got your side of things. However, you can’t have your cake and eat it. Most people want to have some kind of regular sex in a marriage and knowing your husband is one of those people, if you don’t want it, make it clear that you never want sex and allow him to find someone else.

You said you’ve thought about whether the grass is greener, but that doesn’t matter. You can’t stay with him because it suits you and have sex occasionally to keep him sweet. Maybe if he knew that you never wanted it and all the things you’ve said here, he would stop asking and find someone else. You need to allow him to make that choice, knowing the full facts. You’ve made a point of saying there’s no issue with you, but do think it’s usual to find sex in a long-term relationship so bad? I’d be pretty annoyed if my partner was like this as unwilling to seek help because it’s not how most people want to live and there’s an arrogance in not being willing to do anything about it but also not ending things and letting your spouse move on.

You said you thought about him being in a car accident and that it would get you off the hook sexually. This is not a marriage. I’m sure he’d be pretty horrified if he thought you felt like this about him and in general. Quite honestly, it doesn’t sound like you like him at all and given what you’ve said about not enjoying sex in any long-term relationship, it seems unfair to not be upfront about this as I doubt most men would want to continue in this kind of relationship. You’re giving him false hope of it ever being what he counts as normal.

You mentioned having children. Is this really what you want to model as being a good relationship? Just go your separate ways and focus on parenting.

Honestly, if you can "suck it up" once a week, he should be willing to make the same sacrifice for you, and give you some of the casual intimacy you need. It might be worth trying the couples therapy just to get that idea to click into place in his head. If he can have sex with you, he can be physically intimate with you. It doesn't have to be PDA in the street, but you're not asking for that. You want the occasional surprise kiss, a hug when you need it, someone to hold your hand. You're not asking for the moon.

There are only two real reasons he's not doing this for you. The first is awkwardness - he never learned how to be easy in this kind of affection, and it feels vulnerable to change. But that's like starting anything new. You feel a bit silly and exposed at first, but then you get used to it and it stops feeling unnatural. He could do this. You're really not asking for too much.

The depressing alternative, of course, is that he doesn't bother to engage in casual intimacy with you, because any physical intimacy that doesn't result in sex feels pointless to him. This is a much more selfish attitude, and not something I could overcome, personally.

I understand the fear of finding out, but I'm guessing, if you'd rather not go there, that you already suspect the answer.

Enjoy your lovely two week break Op 🍸

That's kind of like me and my OH except I want sex more often than he does.

There is no right or enough amount of sex in a relationship, you need to find a happy medium. In some couples that happy medium is having sex once a day instead of multiple times a day, in some couples it is once a week or once a month.

You are not wrong in not wanting any sex, and your OH s not wrong in wanting sex twice a week. But equally you shouldn't agree to have sex when you don't want it and your OH shouldn't coerce you into having sex by nagging you into it.

You need to have an open and honest conversation about it. You need to explore if there are ways to increase your sex drive e.g by making sure you come first every time you have sex because I don't blame you for not wanting to have sex that is not pleasurable. The book on love languages is quite cheesy but it can be helpful in helping work with your partner in making you get more attracted to him, which can increase the amount of sex you want. He may need to give you more physical attention that doesn't lead to sex or he might need to take housework of your plate. Whatever it is, he needs to put work into it because it is not solely on you that you don't want to have sex with him.

If the above doesn't work and he still wants sex twice a week and you never, then your sex drives are not compatible. You both need to decide if that is a deal breaker and grounds for ending the marriage or if there are other ways to satisfy your husbands sexual needs without divorce or him cheating behind your back.

I agree. Being with someone with such a sense of entitlement to sex, or forcing yourself to endure it, would also become a turn off.

I wouldn't be surprised if pornography use is to blame for his attitude to sex and women.

OP this is very serious and not normal.

Please review this page and seek help rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/about-sexual-violence/sexual-consent/

No matter how much I was gagghing for sex, if I knew my partner was feeling like you're feling about it, I could not physically do it myself. Knowing a person feels the act of sex with me is repulsive and is dreading it happening would be enough to put me off it.

Have you actually explained to him, with the same words you've told us here, how sex with him makes you feel?

Whilst I agree he’s crossing the line with the pestering this is all a reflection that the marriage can’t work. You’re not compatible. For you it’s sex under duress. For him sex is clearly key. You can’t continue like this. And neither can he. You do need to end the marriage.

OP that is awful. It’s coercive and abusive. He sounds vile, no wonder you don’t want to have sex with him. I should imagine the more he behaves like this, the more you’re repulsed by him, and the less you want to have sex with him. It’s self-perpetuating, a vicious spiral. I’m not sure there’s much hope for your marriage tbh I’m sorry, you can’t go on living like this.

This!

Yes I might be tempted to make that break a bit longer too. Having to “grit your teeth” to go through with it is horrible. It shouldn’t have to be like that.

OP, the questions really are do you still love him? Do you find him attractive generally or has he changed and stopped bothering with hygiene. Does he bother with foreplay, including date night, going for a meal, glass of wine, romance or is it in and out so to speak? You need to use your two weeks to really think things through. Write down pros and cons. If you decide to stay, sit him down, explain that you are off sex because of the way he goes about it these days. Set boundaries, tell him you need more than to 'be summoned'. Maybe set how often you have sex if you want to do that. It really sounds horrible what you are going through, nearly every comment tells you that you are being coerced and they are right. Is this what you want for the next 10, 20, 30 years?

When you're fantasying about your partner being killed or injured in a high speed collision so you never to have sex with him again, it's time to pull the plug.

If your husband is unable / unwilling to live in a sex less marriage, then the only thing that can be done is divorce.
It's not the end of the world, divorces happen every day.

you will be happier, and so will he.

So... sex you don't want, in exchange for money?

I'm not judging you personally, honestly, but it actually pains me that so many women are so financially vulnerable that this is their lives.

Please everyone, raise your daughters to value education and a career, and to be (and remain) financially independent when they decide to have children.

Was the aware of this? This is a pretty major thing in a relationship.

I personally wouldn’t continue a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to have sex. He’s being a dick in begging like a whiny kid, what he should be doing is just divorcing and moving on.

You should tell him in clear terms that you don’t see sex in your future together so he can think about what he wants to do. This is no way to live for both of you.

Are you religious OP? Some rather extreme faiths in the US preach the kind of attitudes you describe - man's sexual needs come first, the wife must keep him satisfied no matter what, no matter what she feels, even that he has a"right" to her body. Is this kind of worldview shared by your DH and you? You both seem locked into a pattern like this. You don't have to go along with this, or put up with it. i hope you can break out.

The law says otherwise.