Is once to twice a week sex enough in a marriage ? When does sex drive dwindle in men ?

[isitenoughnow]

I just don’t ever feel up for it. The thought makes me feel sick. But I do it, as it causes resentment from my husband if I don’t.

anyway, he’s expecting it once a week- sometimes twice ( but more rarely twice ). Usually it’s once a week.

I am going away tomorrow for 2 weeks and usually he expects it in this kind of circumstance and will summon me soon.

I feel sick thinking about it. I just don’t want to do it.

I feel resentful of myself, of my body, of him. The fact that I just have to keep doing this or otherwise it’s a problem for my marriage.

when do men stop wanting sex ? Does it really need to be a weekly thing or could it be monthly or whatever ? I just can’t take it anymore. When I say no, it’s endless begging and if I continue to say no, usually sulking.

I honestly feel like crying tonight as I know he’s going to come and request it from me.

at the weekend I was worried about him as he was out in his fast car and I thought how sad it would be if something happened. But it did cross my mind that at least I wouldn’t need to have sex anymore.

anyway, I ask again - at what age does sex drive dwindle in men ?

I used to always comment the same thing on these threads but having read on other places that doesn't tend to be the relationship ending conversation (or resolution) that you think it's going to be.

The Sexual Offences Act 2003 says that someone consents to sexual activity if they:

Agree by choice and

Have both the freedom and capacity to make that choice.

Someone doesn’t have the freedom and capacity to agree to sexual activity by choice if:

They are asleep or unconscious.
They are drunk or ‘on’ drugs.
They have been ‘spiked’.
They are too young.
They have a mental health disorder or illness that means they are unable to make a choice.
They are being pressured, bullied, manipulated, tricked or scared into saying 'yes’.
The other person is using physical force against them.
https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/about-sexual-violence/sexual-consent/

So what else does she do? Keep having sex she doesn't actually want and be miserable instead of telling her husband what she actually wants?

Either she tells him what she wants and they work it out between them, whatever that is, or she stays miserable. It's up to her.

No it doesn’t.

Ignore, he often comes on to these threads to spout that bullshit because HE lost his sex drive in his 30s so every other man has to as well.

But pretty much the only reason I’ll end my marriage is if he hits me/ is abusive towards the kids/ has an affair.

You can't tell him to go find it somewhere else and leave you alone and then go on to say you'll leave if he has an affair. That makes no sense.

He's gross, though. What decent man wants to have sex with a woman, who he knows doesn't like it and does it to keep her lifestyle? Gross.

I’m not sure you understand how the law works. A charity publishing vague guidance on their website is not a legal authority. The reason Riaanna posted the CPS is it is a statutory body who are likely to be accurate about where action will not be taken. Even then you are better off with a actual law. I note you just quote “freedom and capacity” suggesting you don’t recognise that the capacity test would easily be met here. While in case law it is not an exact match to the MCA that can be roughly an approximation. There is no suggestion that OP lacks mental capacity.

The issue is Freedom and the case law recognises that we all freely choose to do things that we would rather not do without it invalidating our free will. It recognises a difference between “reluctant agreement” and “submission”/”reluctant acquiescence.”

This is a case where the consequence of not agreeing is annoyance. That is way to low a bar for criminal matters. The fact the OP refers to it as “begging” is an indication that this is well short of coercion that would remove free will.

It is actually fine for the likes of Rape Crisis to put information out that is not entirely clear as victims they want to encourage to come forward should not be put off from approaching them due to uncertainly over legal tests. The legal standard will not be based upon standards that are to designed to encourage people to seek help.

Again (as you insist on misrepresenting people) that does not make this behaviour good, moral or sensible. Just as no one should agree under these circumstances. But your standard is not a criminal standard.

That may be true, even after all the cards are on the table the situation may rumble on, However, that is not a reason to avoid being honest with someone.

You have to be clear and not give mixed messages. It may result in the end of the relationship, it may result in a more useful discussion that may move towards a better outcome or it may continue the status quo. But doing the same thing you have for years will likely get you the same outcome you have had for years.

If you are repulsed by your partner, you need to tell them.

Just to note it isn't about her "lifestyle" to want to keep her kids' home together. Parental separation is an Adverse a childhood Experience and correlates with a range of negative outcomes for children. This isn't because she likes her house or whatever; she's trying to protect her children from an avoidable negative trauma.

And you don't think there's negative energy in the children's home when she's having sex she doesn't want to have?

Anyway, she's OK with the marriage ending. She just doesn't want to be the one at fault for it. Otherwise, she wouldn't be saying 'go have an affair' and also 'if he has an affair, the marriage is over."

Yadda, Yadda, Yadda. Rape Crisis are the national charity for rape and sexual assault in the UK. Citing the law and giving examples of the law is not 'vague'.

I'm not sure what you're getting out of this, I assume you don't believe a woman has a right to consent or don't believe in coercion.

That's absolutely fine. You carry on not believing in it. The law remains the same.

And you continue to lie.

I think that shows the strength of your argument.

Calling people liars because you don't have a leg to stand on just proves your immaturity.

I agree with you. This isn’t rape, and to make out like it is is offensive to rape victims.

The fact is this is a nuanced situation. To run into the discussion shouting “you’re being raped! Leave the bastard!” is treating the situation as black and white, when it isn’t. It also isn’t helpful to the OP, who has repeatedly said she wants to keep her family together, and is asking about how to cope with the problem within this framework.

To make out rape is nuanced is offensive to rape victims.

It’s not “enthusiastic consent” though is it, which is what is taught to young people now as the bare minimum, as it should be, in order to prevent women being victims of pressure and coercion.

I'm just watching the film Alice, Darling. If the OP feels like that it must be awful. Even with Children I would split up.

Are you still together, if so has he ever had an affair?