Is once to twice a week sex enough in a marriage ? When does sex drive dwindle in men ?

[isitenoughnow]

I just don’t ever feel up for it. The thought makes me feel sick. But I do it, as it causes resentment from my husband if I don’t.

anyway, he’s expecting it once a week- sometimes twice ( but more rarely twice ). Usually it’s once a week.

I am going away tomorrow for 2 weeks and usually he expects it in this kind of circumstance and will summon me soon.

I feel sick thinking about it. I just don’t want to do it.

I feel resentful of myself, of my body, of him. The fact that I just have to keep doing this or otherwise it’s a problem for my marriage.

when do men stop wanting sex ? Does it really need to be a weekly thing or could it be monthly or whatever ? I just can’t take it anymore. When I say no, it’s endless begging and if I continue to say no, usually sulking.

I honestly feel like crying tonight as I know he’s going to come and request it from me.

at the weekend I was worried about him as he was out in his fast car and I thought how sad it would be if something happened. But it did cross my mind that at least I wouldn’t need to have sex anymore.

anyway, I ask again - at what age does sex drive dwindle in men ?

I truly believe of you left him you’d find your feet and feel so happy so secure and so free from the sexual demands of him or any other man that you’d wish you did it 10 years ago.

Sexual coercion is a serious crime and you sound ground down and traumatised. Tell him no if he pesters you again and if he begs tell him to leave you alone.

You might find this helpful.

you doing it when you don’t want to is not going to help your drive. At the end of the day a lot of people wouldn’t live in a sexless marriage so if he ends up leaving won’t that be a good thing as you won’t have to have sex again? It just doesn’t seem like a good match.

Because coerced sex is not consensual sex. I can’t believe you have to be told that.

Genuine question here.

So I say to dh. We have to have sex once a week minimum or I will leave you as I’m not willing to do less. I’m happy to leave in that sense but he doesn’t want me to leave.

Coercive or laying down my cards.

Black and white or shades of grey.

If you hated coffee and someone kept telling you to have coffee, and sulked if you didn’t have coffee and bullied you into having a coffee at least once a week otherwise you knew they’d be moody with you about not liking coffee, you’d never want to see another fucking cup of coffee ever again.

OP, can I ask some questions please?

How long have you been together?

How old are you and your DH?

How old are your children?

Do you work, and if so, P/T or F/T?

Do you own a house together?

Maybe having the answers to these questions will help us to give you better advice.

That's sexual coercion as you are pressuring someone into meeting your sexual demands. You're telling someone that if they don't do as you say, you'll leave.

But I’m not forcing them to have sex either. I just won’t stay with someone who didn’t want sex.

Should someone have to stay in a sexless marriage?

OP, your situation is (was) identical to mine. I couldn’t stand the thought of sex and I couldn’t bear the sulking and silent treatment when I refused to do it. I initiated divorce and let him go find a woman keen to have regular sex with him because I knew neither of us would ever be truly happy again otherwise. He is living his best life now, me not so much but at least I don’t have to deal with the nagging and the guilt anymore.

If he does not want to have sex with you and you force him to go through with it once a week as a condition of saying with you then yes it it coercion.

If you tell him the above and he is actually ok with having sex once a week then no clearly it is not coercion.

Are you unwell? What an unhelpful post.

rape can happen in marriages
as others have said, this is coercion.

yes they need couples therapy and even more so, a divorce!

Coercion. Putting conditions on is controlling. Having an open discussion and at the end stating I can't accept this so the marriage is over is laying down your cards. Then knowing your husband only agrees because he feels he has no choice and has sex because he has to is sexual abusr.

But how is it any different to any other condition of being married or in a relationship.

So I wouldn’t marry a smoker so he has a choice to never smoke or we divorce. I want children and he doesn’t so we would divorce.

The ball in theory in their court. This is my want if you cannot do it we will not be able to stay together.

Absolutely not, in the UK we have no fault divorce and you can leave for whatever reason you like. Your partner may not want to leave because of finances, the children, not wanting to split up the family etc

Instead of demanding sex, respect their decision and choose if you want to stay in the relationship.

But equally OP seems to have entered into a contract based on the fact she liked coffee, when she knew she would go off it, and she's not being honest about not liking coffee, and refuses to leave the coffee shop even though she knows she never, ever wants to buy a coffee.

What's with all these similar posts about sex /coercion or not/ sex drives at the moment?

Well yes but surely you have a conversion not just straight to divorce. So the conversion would involve some kind of this is what I want sexual of you won’t/cant I won’t/can’t stay.

Maybe the coffee shop should offer her a cup of tea.

Say it prior to being in the moment of him asking for sex.

but as discussion that you don’t want to have sex but you still want to be married and are happy for him to have a different sexual partner?

I’ve noticed this too. I think people are - for all kinds of reasons- going off sex more than ever and it’s causing a lot of these kinds of issues. I remember reading something recently where younger people in particular are generally having - and wanting - less sex than ever before.

I'm sure this isn't a wind up/joke post - I really hope it isn't.

Assuming it's a genuine post, I cannot understand why anyone would have sex if they didn't want it. Maybe I'm in a minority, but it's 2025. Why on earth would any women, ever, have sex because their husband expected it (assuming this is not an abusive marriage or that you are with someoneyou fear). If you feel pressured or her reacts badly if you say no, it's emotional abuse and you can be supported to leave.

If you're just complying, just start saying no and leave it at that. He's got a hand. He won't die.

Look, you must know you have a problem! It’s not normal to have no libido. I’m a 55 year old woman and would love sex multiple times a week. Sadly for me my DH is the male version of you. It sucks.

Because you do not have a right to someone else’s body for your sexual needs. It’s not difficult.

Go make your own thread if you need help understanding. This is not helpful in Ops thread when OP is being sexually abused.

Of course you can have a conversation. You can say that you're unhappy with your sex life and would like to work on it. Your partner can agree to work on it or tell you sex is off the table. If you don't want to be celibate, then leave.