Does this sound like a happy marriage?

[nosywithabuttonnose]

Dh is a gamer and I have absolutely no interest in gaming.
We have a young child who goes to bed at 7 which is around when he gets home. He will then spend 2 hours gaming until our older child goes to bed and then we spend an hour or two together before bed.
I like to go to the gym which he has no interest in so I go a few times a week while he is gaming, on the days I don’t go I will sit on my phone besides him while he games and we’ll sit in silence immersed in what we’re doing.
At weekends he will often game for a while extra but then we’ll watch a family film or go out for a while.
I often find we sit in silence in the evening and don’t have a lot to talk about, his job is very samish and he works alone a lot so not much to come home and talk about and I’m at home with a small child doing small child things and housework so not much to talk about.

He seems perfect happy to game on his own and I enjoy going to the gym on my own but I worry if we’re drifting apart, we have no shared interests and nothing to talk about but we love each other and get each other, does this sound like a marriage than can work? We’ve been together over 10 years.

Wouldn't work for me. He sounds like a 13 year old. I couldn't be with someone so boring.

Sorry, that was spiteful.

Point is.

HUGE amount of these men are giving their wives breadcrumbs whilst watching porn and paying other women to spend on themselves. So when was the last time your man gave you a wad of cash and told you to go spend?

Because trust me, they have no issue doing it for other women. No issue begging for their attention either. Wonder what the woman’s trick is?

PS, sorry to be harsh but if he is addicted to dopamine hits like that..very likely a porn addict too. Above applies. Remove all presence.

If any of this triggers you, ask yourself why

You are so naive 🤭

Did this gaming only start once you were married ? and with children ?

or has he been like this for 9 years plus ?

what was he like before you got married ?

He doesn't eat with them, play with them, read with them, talk to them. he doesn't demonstrate healthy food choices - toasties and pizza after they've one to bed.
Sounds pretty shit to me.
I've always made time for my kids - discussing everything from friends, school, world affairs, hobbies, their views on just about everything.
so what happens when they're teenagers and have no male role model to turn to?

What a charmer and what a catch.

It sounds a bit dull.

It doesn’t sound that happy to me. My husband is a gamer too but he games one or two nights a week (once the kids are in bed!) and I’ll read my book or scroll mumsnet next to him. Other nights we watch stuff together or game together, hang out etc. I would feel a bit rubbish sat on my own every night

I think playing a board game together sounds great.

No, it doesn't sound like a happy marriage to me, and it definitely doesn't sound like a happy childhood either.

"He doesn’t like proper food so I cook for myself and the children while he prefers a pizza or a toastie which he’ll get himself when he’s hungry which will be after 9 when he’s stopped gaming."
This is no life for him either.

What are your plans, OP?

He sounds like he's living like a teenager to be honest. He need to cut back on the gaming and start engaging more with you and the children, including eating meals together. He isn't a lone solitary male, he has a family!

The weather is nicer now, can he take the kids out in the garden/to the park to get some fresh air and run around?

So, you are married to a loser. What you do about that is up to you.

Funny that you assume I’m with him out of love now. Don’t care about love. I want my time back in financial remuneration.

What if I told you that the idea of love that is fed to women is just made up to make you a good caregiver to men their whole lives through 😱

K, out
Enjoy the book

No, this is my idea of hell. Like being trapped in the life of a teenager indefinitely. Even as a teen I would have hated this.

He is quite apart from anything a terrible role model to your children op. They will grow up thinking this is normal, and it isn’t remotely normal.

I would encourage him to get some help with his gaming addiction. If he wants to save his marriage.

He wouldn’t admit it was a problem, he loves gaming and gets very emotionally engaged in it, he can get really angry and get up over a game. He won’t come off for anything once he’s in the middle of a game he can’t stop.

The compromise I would want would be to have family time from 7-9 (board games, walks, chats, movies with discussions) and then he can game once the oldest is in bed.

I'd schedule in some date nights to keep your own marriage alive but at this stage family time is very important.

Your DH needs to be an active parent to his children.

He has a full blown gaming addiction and it is ruining your family’s life op 😞
Your dc will end up just like him.
You need to address this urgently to protect your children.

Me neither.

I feel most sorry for the children, growing up in such a barren childhood. When are they being interacted with, stimulated, listened to...

NB: just remembered the children are 7 and 9. Those are the most interesting years, where it is possible to talk with them intelligently, open their eyes to the world and new experiences, explore all kinds of interesting things with them!

www.england.nhs.uk/2023/03/nhs-treats-hundreds-with-gaming-disorders/

Btw, the book wasn’t to teach me how to get him to behave properly. Wouldn’t read a self help book to save a relationship with one of these teenage men, jesus.

The book was for study, just so happens it works exceptionally well on all men so it’s an important read 🤷‍♀️

Maybe it will cut down on the shite husband threads?

You sound like the female equivalent of Andrew Tate.

Admittedly I haven't read the book but given the strap line is 'How to MindF**k a Man into Spending, Spoiling, and Sponsoring' it sounds like utter shite.

If this was a book men were reading to manipulate women we'd all be screaming 'blue murder'.

If you need to trick or 'mindfuck' your husband into liking you then you don't naturally have much to offer. And he can't be much of a catch either if he's only interested if he's being played games with.

That would work for me. After a full day at work I am tired and I've used up all my people-ing skills. My DP and I eat dinner together with an hour's TV then he games and I read. We have plenty to talk about at the weekend / on date nights when we do fun stuff together but in the evening I just like peace. My DD is 14 so no complex bedtime routine needed and she is mostly upstairs gossping with her friends. We do go out to swim together one evening a week and gym another but at the gym we do our own thing.

If it doesn't work for you then I'd talk to him about finding a better balance so you both get what you need.

I think he's got issues.

That's way more serious than the "gaming to unwind" you initially presented it as.

That's a serious problem and unless he has help or reassesses his behaviour he is going to continue to choose it over everything else - including your children and you.

Are you happy for your kids to have a father that prioritises artificial rewards over them? I'd not put up with this for my kids - I don't see how you can think it's good enough?

And I say this as someone who has spent a lot of time playing video games in the past!

Andrew Tate is actually in part a reaction to women learning about male manipulation and pulling away so it’s interesting you bring him up.

Women will continue to learn and the ‘male loneliness epidemic’ will become even stronger regardless of women who live in the dark ages trying to hold it back.

I don’t hate men, but you’re playing by the wrong rules and this comment will haunt you when you realise 😊

Men need to chase, it’s in their nature. Ok? Hence the success of the porn industry. They’re never satisfied.