Does this sound like a happy marriage?

[nosywithabuttonnose]

Dh is a gamer and I have absolutely no interest in gaming.
We have a young child who goes to bed at 7 which is around when he gets home. He will then spend 2 hours gaming until our older child goes to bed and then we spend an hour or two together before bed.
I like to go to the gym which he has no interest in so I go a few times a week while he is gaming, on the days I don’t go I will sit on my phone besides him while he games and we’ll sit in silence immersed in what we’re doing.
At weekends he will often game for a while extra but then we’ll watch a family film or go out for a while.
I often find we sit in silence in the evening and don’t have a lot to talk about, his job is very samish and he works alone a lot so not much to come home and talk about and I’m at home with a small child doing small child things and housework so not much to talk about.

He seems perfect happy to game on his own and I enjoy going to the gym on my own but I worry if we’re drifting apart, we have no shared interests and nothing to talk about but we love each other and get each other, does this sound like a marriage than can work? We’ve been together over 10 years.

2 hours to unwind every single night? Is he a neurosurgeon?
And who is talking/interacting with your children while you're both on screens?
This sounds like a flatshare with reluctant childminders in charge.

You pull away. You focus on yourself and treat the man like he has to earn your attention, all of it. Even a simple hello.

I know this works, it’s successful every single time. This is male psychology.

Ds can’t watch the tv while he’s gaming so he’ll go on his switch for entertainment or read a book. It’s not the life I dreamed of. I wanted barbecues in the garden and walks in the countryside but it doesn’t happen. The most he’ll do at the weekend is go round the shops or out for a meal and fall asleep watching a family film before making time for gaming.

So he's hogging the main TV while he's gaming? He sounds like a right prince

He would do well to join you at the gym and put down the games machine controller.

He would be fitter happier and it would get him away from the screen. It sounds very unhealthy

You should start talking in the evenings too. Sounds very boring.

I don’t get a hello when I come in from the gym, he won’t acknowledge me but if I go upstairs he’ll soon text to see what’s wrong or when I’m coming down. I don’t know how I can pull away much more than sitting in silence or going out, that’s pretty normal at home.

Having separate interests is fine - in fact, it's healthy. But he sounds like he's addicted to gaming, which is unhealthy.
And if he doesn't eat with you, then your children are missing out on an essential part of family life, ie sitting at the table all together and talking to each other, without any distractions.

Men run at neediness.

Don’t beg for him to behave like he did when he was dating you. He is this way because he sees you as safe and comfortable, so he feels safe taking you for granted.

Be a bitch, they love it 💖

That's what he's told you.
How do you think other people unwind they don't all game when they get in from work.

This sounds really sad. Can’t you watch a film or tv show or play a board game all together instead? It sounds like you are also missing out on family time as well as couple time.

Pizza or a toastie wow that's a good healthy meal not.

The strangest thing is he will call me at work when he has a long drive between jobs and we’ll chat then but not in person.

Replace gaming with drinking in the pub every night for two hours. He may as well do this as he’s not present in your lives. Two hours a night to wind down! What on earth reasoning is that? He sounds like a child. No, it doesn’t sound like anyone is happy. Sorry.

Are you happy?

Oh OP I feel so sorry for your children.
What a life for them.
Miserable for you but they are being taught all there is to life is watching screens and gaming.
It's just totally depressing.
It sounds as though he as gaming addict. If he won't change then the onus is on you to change things for you and the children.

I’m happy in myself but I barely notice I’m married.

Sounds depressing. Zero quality time with the child? And you are both modeling bad habits.

I think a lot of people are tired at the end of the day and either watch tv, scroll or game. Not so much of a problem but sounds like you need to put a time limit on it. Can you both agree to no more than an hour and then do something g together?

Well that's because he can't spend that time gaming. In other words, he does like you, but not as much as he likes gaming.

Regardless of the quality of your marriage (which sounds torture to be honest), all I’m seeing when I read your OP is just what an isolating childhood your children are having. How are they learning to chat, to interact, to develop healthy relationships when this is the model they see?
In your position, I would be feeling very lonely and probably quite depressed. It’s not really a relationship, is it?

If you are happy what does it matter what anyone thinks of your marriage?

It sounds very boring. Your DH doesn’t eat meals with you and then you sit on your phone, your 9 yo on his device and your DH on his, playing/browsing away by yourselves for two hours. It sounds soul destroying - no conversation, no board games, not even looking at something on TV together than you can comment. No opportunity to chat about your individual days, etc. No building a bond.

Your are in danger of your children becoming addicted to their devices and becoming teenagers who isolate themselves in their rooms, playing their devises without any hobbies or interests or going out and about with friends.

Because if she was not married she would be free to raise her children in a house with good communication, good food, and not all of them glued to screens all day. She can raise healthy happy children, even if they sometimes have to visit their father and sit in silence while he plays his games and doesn't speak to them. They will see which is the way they want to live.

This whole situation is miserable. Everyone on screens, no one communicating or doing anything resembling quality time. What does he do that he needs a 2 hour unwind?!

My DH got home last night at 6.45pm and took out DC out in the garden to kick a ball round and water the plants while I tidied up. He'd never just come in and start gaming, and I'd never put up with it.

If he likes gaming would he pay strategy board games like risk as a family? There are some quite good ones when you get into it. I think you all, but him in particular need to make an effort to engage with each other.